WELL TONIGHT WE'RE REACHING OUT, AND TOUCHING YOU:  Sir Bob Geldof has called in Britain's finest to record a new "Do They Know It's Christmas" today, 30 years after the original, to raise funds for Ebola relief. Per Geldof: "It really doesn't matter if you don't like this song, it really doesn't matter if you hate all the artists. What you have to do is buy this thing."

BETTY BOTTER BOUGHT SOME BUTTER, BUT SHE SAID, "THIS BUTTER'S BITTER!":  It's been so long since I've spent time on the East Coast, I forgot this was a thing.  But here's why butter comes in thick, short cubes in the West, but long, narrow cubes back East.

THE CAUSE OF DEATH WAS NOT FROM TURNING TO PAGE 83:  R.A. Montgomery, creator and principal author of the Choose Your Own Adventure Books, has died at the age of 78.

IF SLUGWORTH WANTS A GOBSTOPPER, HE'LL GET ONE: I had no idea that hating Grandpa Joe from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory was a thing on the Internets.

WHERE'S ROBIN? Underoos are back, America, and for adults this time.

Added: 11 classic commercials, including Underoo-clad kids prancing around with Boba Fett.

SAD AND BLUE, NOT SHINY AND NEW:  Like a Virgin, Madonna's second album, was released thirty years ago today, and its three lead singles (the title track, "Material Girl," and "Dress You Up") remain pop canon. Christgau:

If a woman wants to sell herself as a sex fantasy I'll take a free ride--as long as the fantasy of it remains out front, so I don't start confusing image with everyday life. But already she's so sure of herself she's asking men and women both to get the hots for the calculating bitch who sells the fantasy even while she bids for the sincerity market where long-term superstars ply their trade. And to make the music less mechanical (just like Bowie, right?), she's hired Nile Rodgers, who I won't blame for making it less catchy. B

Topping the charts this week: "Caribbean Queen (No More Love On The Run)," by Billy Ocean.

HE'LL GO INTO THOSE HIGH SCHOOL GYMNASIUMS IN IOWA AND NEW HAMPSHIRE AND BLOW THEM ALL AWAY.... AND SOUND SMARTER AND MORE HONEST THAN ANY REPUBLICAN THEY'VE EVER SEEN. BECAUSE HE IS:  Sepinwall et al slideshow twenty-two fan favorite characters added late in their tv series' runs, a list to which I'd add Jon Stewart as "Jon Stewart" on The Larry Sanders Show, and Drs. Luka Kovač and Rocket Romano on ER.

THE FISH THAT CHANGED THE WORLD: Due to fears of overfishing, starting on Thursday commercial cod fishing will be banned for six months in an area stretching from P-town to the Canadian border. Hope you invested in Frozen Fish Stick futures.

"OF COURSE, IT WAS VERY UGLY"  Purdue's Gene Keady finally opens up about that combover.

KENAN WOULDN'T HAVE HAD THIS PROBLEM:  NYT Correction of the Year?

TWO AWFUL TASTES FOR WHICH, I'M SURE, THERE'S A MARKET. BECAUSE AMERICA:  Doritos-flavored Mountain Dew is being tested.

I THINK SOMEONE'S MISSING THE POINT OF BEING "PIZZA HUT:"  Pizza Hut is going upscale, with a new menu that will feature sriracha sauce, balsamic vinegar drizzles, pretzel crusts, and fresh spinach.