"IT DOESN'T REALLY MATTER HOW HE DID IT": So that guy who they thought cheated his way to third place at the National Sudoku Tournament? Puzzlemaster Will Shortz had him retested at the Inquirer's headquarters and has disqualified him, seeing as he was unable to come anywhere close to completing the same puzzles he sped through in competition.

THE 5TH PHASE? PARKING: So thanks to my friends Eric and Becky I was able to attend last night's Eagles-Bears game at Chicago's Soldier Field. (To those friends I wasn't able to see while I was out there, sorry! Brief trip.)

This was my first time ever attending an Eagles road game, and so beyond the game itself there's a lot of compare-and-contrast to do:

• Soldier Field is an architectural wonder. Plopping an asymmetrical, futuristic stadium into the colonnades of the classical shell looks messed-up from the outside, but on the inside it really works. Yes, the slope of the western deck is extremely steep to fit it into the structure, but it results in an intimate stadium where the seats all remain close to the field. And there are some beautiful curves to the place, especially in how the luxury suite structure tapers off into video scoreboards which hang over the end zones, and I appreciated the gentle hill up from the Field Museum which led to an entrance halfway up the stadium.
  
• No cheerleaders. Drumline! I approve. Also, actual halftime entertainment (the Chicago cast of Jersey Boys), which the Eagles seem to have given up on.
  
• Very odd, as Eric noted, that they spend five crucial scoreboard hype minutes just prior to gametime reviewing the evacuation plans for every section. I blame lawyers.
• The most-worn jersey at the game, by far, was Walter Payton's. Number two was Brian Urlacher. Not a lot of confidence shown in the active roster from the fanbase. (At Eagles games, at least 5-7 active players lead this list before you'd get to the Reggie White and Randall Cunningham jerseys.)
• A very odd locution from the PA announcer -- every kickoff was announced as "restarting" the game, not "resuming" it. Always sounded weird.
• Eagles fans are louder and more hostile. I was wearing my McNabb jersey all night; wasn't harassed once.
• There's a timeout. Where?
  
• Good fight song rhyme: joy/Illinois. Bad fight song rhyme: nation/T-formation.
  
• Okay. So it's great and gorgeous that Soldier Field is part of this lakefront campus with the Field Museum and all (though I'm still pissed about the destruction of Meigs Field), but it did make me appreciate the merits of Lincoln Financial Field being sited in a sea of parking lots, connected to both major local highways and just two blocks from the trunk of our main subway line. It's easy to get to the Linc, and it's easy to leave. To this outsider, at least, egress from Soldier Field was confounding. Poor information about bus options, and absolutely impossible to find a cab back to downtown -- I think I ended up at Balbo and Michigan before locating one.
• Most importantly: E! A! G! L! E! S! EAGLES! Playoffs still within reach.
  

IT'S NEITHER A MANDOLIN, NOR MINIATURE. MAYBE THE CLUEMONGER WON'T NOTICE: Not a particularly exciting leg of TAR, but it was nice to see a Detour that allowed some some lead changes and the needle-in-a-haystack Roadblock was kind of fun.

I DO RADIO COMMERCIALS FOR PRODUCTS: As we enter into the week of Thanksgiving, time for an ALOTT5MA holiday tradition--Jed Bartlet calls the Butterball Hotline.

WHAT UP WITH THAT? Questions spurred by last night's SNL:

• Who knew Joseph Gordon-Levitt was THAT good a dancer? Seriously, the back flip was damn impressive.
• Was anyone really asking for the return of the sketch referenced in the title? (Though one cannot deny the theme song's catchiness, or the enjoyable ridiculous randomness of Bill Hader's wordless Lindsay Buckingham in the sketch.)
• Better random celebrity cameo in that sketch--Al Gore or Mindy Kaling?
• Update started much later than usual in the show--not kicking off until the 53 minute mark, rather than around 40 minutes in (it also seemed considerably shorter than usual).
• The show went pretty rapidly downhill after Update--the Thanksgiving sketch didn't work at all, and the "Woman To Woman" sketch seemed to me a painful effort to create a recurring character for Armisen. (Though the "Say Anything" sketch was awesome.)
  
• How many sketches will expressly or impliedly be about Blake Lively's breasts or cleavage when she hosts in a couple of weeks? (Also, safe assumption we're going to see at least a Leighton Meester cameo, right?)
  

ANTI-HELIOCENTRISM: Oh my, do I hate this new "holiday" Gap ad.

THINGS I LEARNED FROM THE APOCALYPSE: (Warning: contains 2012 spoilers, not that a single particularly unexpected thing happens in this movie anyway.)

• You will probably die during the apocalypse.
  
• When the apocalypse comes, it's a good idea to live in the Midwest--at least there, you'll have the most time to escape.
• John Cusack apparently has the largest lung capacity of any human being in existence.
• All that is required in order to perform acrobatic flying manuevers and to serve as co-pilot of a jumbo jet is "a couple of flying lessons." You will protest that this is not enough, but it will be sufficient.
• Large cars like RV's and limos are best to be in in the event of apocalypse, not because they are likely to be able to survive damage, but because of their excellent manueverability.
  
• If you are an aging character actor, you will die in the apocalypse, but you will be offered a chance to reconcile with your family beforehand and make a display of nobility.
• If you are unattractive, you will probably not survive the apocalypse.
  
• If you have behaved like a dick during early stages of the apocalypse, you will die during the apocalypse, but either in an ironic manner or in a manner that allows you some small measure of redemption.
• If you are a small pet, you will probably die during the apocalypse. However, if you are in a position where you could possibly be saved, you will be.
• A sign of the apocalypse? In December at Yellowstone National Park, no one will require jackets or any sort of heavy clothing.
• The apocalypse will provide an opportunity for separated couples to reconcile and couples that never had an opportunity to get together to get together.
  
• And, of course, man is basically good at heart.