A List Of Things Thrown Five Minutes Ago

DID THEY ALSO CONSULT CHEVY CHASE? The LA Times reports today on allegations that bloated former action star Steven Seagal threatened a Times reporter for investigating his relationship with the mob. I don't know, don't care about the details. I just love this quote:

"This uncorroborated allegation by someone arrested is pure fiction and is nothing more than a transparent attempt to divert attention from himself and the real perpetrators," said attorney Martin R. Pollner, who represents Seagal. "This is part of an unrelenting campaign to disparage Mr. Seagal and reads like a bad screenplay."

Well, if anyone would know what a bad screenplay looked like . . .

[Roger Ebert, on Seagal's new movie: "Seagal's great contribution to the movie is to look very serious, even menacing, in closeups carefully framed to hide his double chin. I do not object to the fact that he's put on weight. Look who's talking. I object to the fact that he thinks he can conceal it from us with knee-length coats and tricky camera angles. I would rather see a movie about a pudgy karate fighter than a movie about a guy you never get a good look at."]