9. We give you a number. You give us the Shakespearean sonnet. From memory. No, you don't have to memorize all of them. Just the ones that coincide with jersey numbers of Brewers legends inducted into the Miller Park Walk of Fame. [37 points. 9 bonus points if the Judges can read along in Rapanuian]
12. A team captain with his/her shoelaces tied together who has recently received a wedgie, a swirlie, an Indian burn, a wet willie, a titty twister, a kick-me sign, a pinkbelly, a dead leg, a typewriter, a noogie, a melvin, a ``got your nose,'' a doink (``what's that on your shirt? doink!'') and a monkey kiss. [26 points. 4 bonus points if this captain pulls the finger of a female teammember with predictable results]
33. Can you write in your mouth? Like, if we gave you a small pencil and a small piece of paper, could you put them in your mouth, close your mouth, and then somehow write ``gonk'' on the piece of paper? Start practicing. [41 points]
52. Make a menorah out of Easter M&Ms. [8 points]
118. All previous attempts at Harry Potter items have been utter failures, though the item conception was sheer brilliance. For god's sake, don't screw this one up. Send a Howler to remind the Head Judge to call his mom on Mother's Day. [60 1/2 points]
251. Foam Chomsky. [25 points]
And among the Olympics tasks needing to be performed, my favorites:
3. The Western Ave. Cup, or The Glengarry Glen Robstacle Course. This one takes brass balls, gentlemen. Have you got what it takes to be a salesman? We want to see Dave Moss, Richard Roma, George Aaronow, and Shelley ``The Machine'' Levene, each in proper attire (with umbrellas, too).
--Deliver any (substantial) monologue from the film.
--Buy us a pack of gum and show us how to chew it.
--Go on a sit. You must get a Judge to sign on the line which is dotted simply by sitting perfectly still staring firmly, while pointing your pen at them for five minutes.
--Find the leads.
--Sell them to Jerry Graff.
[First place is a new Cadillac, Second place is a set of steak knives, third place is you're fired. 35 bonus points if you can sell the leads to Professor Gerald Graff]
6. The Jolly Giant Cup. Present a meta-human, built from four enterprising teammembers (one person per leg, torso-people on their shoulders). Head to the local Big and Tall to dress them up right, as they suddenly become a singular being. You will be competing in a hundred meter dash. Like Voltron, your giant will need a head, and you can build it however you see fit, but it will be in the likeness of a great bald superstar chosen randomly at the Captains' Ice Cream Social. [50 points for first place, 40 for second, 30 for third. 20 points for participating]
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