BECAUSE GUYS WHO KNIT AREN'T EDGY: The San Francisco Chronicle reports from a class on fire-eating and includes some rather sensible advice:

"I studied with a fire performer who said a really good rule is, don't do more than one stupid thing at a time."

And if you need to load up on fire-eating supplies, start your shopping here.

DRINK. DRANK. DRUNK: All of us here at ALOTT5MA want you to have an enjoyable Oscar experience. But in a year where few surprises seem likely, it's the return of expected things that make the show a memorable experience.

So we passed around the collective hat for ideas, and Matt, Alex, Isaac, Phil, Kingley, P.E. and I hereby present The Unofficial 2005 Oscars Drinking Game. It's one drink per infraction, except as noted:

• Every Michael Moore and/or Mel Gibson reference.
• Every Brad/Jennifer/Angelina reference.
• Every poor schlub who, just as he is about to get his chance to say thank you after the first guy droned on for a minute, doesn't even get a second at the microphone before the band drowns him out.
• Every time someone mentions how wonderful The Movies are as an institution.
• Every male winner who thanks his wife for being "beautiful", rather than intelligent, loyal or supportive.
• Every person named during the Necrology who you forgot was dead.
• If booing is audible when Reagan's death is mentioned, chug, because we'll have two weeks of conservative complaints to endure.
• Every losing nominee who pretends to look happy as someone else goes up to the stage.
• Every actor you spot with odd facial hair he has obviously grown for a current movie role.
• Every time ABC promotes 'Desperate Housewives' in some way.
• Every time Chris Rock mentions a black person, and then they cut to a shot of the first black person they find in the audience.
• Chug if during or immediately after the Counting Crows performance, they cut to one of Adam Duritz's many ex-girlfriends.
• Chug when Chris Rock makes fun of any ABC programming.
• Every shot of or reference to the guys from Ernst & Young.
• The Mary Steenburgen Memorial Shot: Every presenter who's announced as a former Oscar nominee or winner and you can't remember for what.
• Every time there's an inexplicable cut to Jack Nicholson.
• Every shot of one of Rock's former SNL castmates, but drink everything in the entire neighborhood if they show Rob Schneider.
• Drink if you can't figure out a damn thing Prince says when presenting an award.
• Chug if Rock brings up Pootie Tang.

Your amendments and additions are, of course, welcome.

NOT COMING SOON TO A THEATRE ANYWHERE: You have discovered Query Letters I Love, right? As a person who has, on a few occaisions, attempted to take a crack at writing a screenplay or a novel, reading the ideas here makes me feel much better about myself--I mean, I can't imagine what leads you to come up with an idea like: "A neurotic in 1880s Russia tries to deal with his inferiority complex by challenging a hated classmate to a duel and playing mind-games with a sweet young whore." Then again the pitch, "Unhappily-engaged-to-the-wrong man LUCY has a bad day at the diner then scurries down the icy street carrying Christmas packages, before losing her footing and banging her head--hard--against the curb. Meanwhile, little CARMELA asks Santa for a new mommy, and her single, lonely dad WILLIAM is sorry he can't deliver... Yet, when they awaken on Christmas morning, the Kinkaids find Lucy on their sofa" could actually be an ABC Family movie, which would air immediately after "3 Days,"a movie which my sister inexplicably loves.

9021-OH MY GOD: Somebody please get Tori Spelling over to the Peach Pit for a malt and fries right away.

STUPID IS...: Not to insult the typical Blockbuster customer, but in a survey of the movie-rental giants customers in which they were asked to pick their All-Time Favorite Past Academy Award Winners, Forrest Gump himself, Tom Hanks, was the top choice in the acting category, beating out Marlon Brando in The Godfather 32% to 17%. Other winners were Gone With the Wind (26%) over The Godfather and Titanic (both 15%) and Katherine Hepburn in Guess Who's Coming To Dinner (25%) over Jodie Foster in Silence of the Lambs (21%).

As for the Blockbuster patrons predictions for this year's awards, they like The Aviator (37%) narrowly over Ray (?!? 34%), Jamie Foxx (47%) beating Leo blind (24%), and Hillary Swank knocking out Annette Bening (55% to 18%).

NOT SO GREAT SCOT: Mel Gibson's Braveheart has been named the Worst Best Picture Winner by the British magazine Empire, beeating out my pick for the honor, if I had a vote, A Beautiful Mind. Others on the top 10 list include Forrest Gump, Ordinary People, and How Green Was My Valley, which beat out a little film named Citizen Kane in 1942.

'ROID SAGE: Jose Canseco's Juiced will debut this weekend atop the The New York Times hardcover nonfiction best-seller list, bumping Malcom Gladwell's Blink from the top spot. In many ways, Gladwell's book, which speaks to the power if first impressions, validates Canseco's book's success, because I can't, for one, imagine how any one who thinks about what they are doring for a moment would still end up with Canseco's book in their Amazon shopping cart.

Meanwhile, if you really need to read a baseball book, you should consider picking up a copy of Will Wagner's Wrigley Blues. Will, a friend and former boss, chronicles the Cubs' 2004 season, which began with so much promise and ended with the team tanking, numerous injuries, infighting between the players and broadcasters, and a host of other "only in Cubdom"-type events.

BETTER THAN BEING OBSESSED WITH THIS: Daniel Radosh suggests we're "obsessed with lists" here, and this post provides evidence for his case. Daniel has created this list of the best and worst moments in dating history for your pleasure, and I'm pleased to note that I have no appearances on the "worst" list, though I'm not sure if "The Dating Game" belongs on the "worst" list. C'mon, it was a cover for CIA missions! (And fascinating trivia: Michael Cera, now better known as George Michael Bluth, played a young Chuck Barris in the movie.)

THIS ONE MIGHT REALLY HURT: I can't be the only one who's noticed that both Dimension/Miramax and Sony have major movie releases this weekend ("Cursed" and "Man Of The House," respectively), neither of which has been screened in advance for critics. I can't remember a weekend when there's been two major releases, neither of which screened for critics--can anyone? Lions Gate screened its mini-major release of "Tyler Perry's Diary of a Mad Black Woman," though perhaps they shouldn't have. So just how bad are they? I mean, New Line had the guys to screen "Son of the Mask" last week, and that presently has a 4% fresh rating over at Rotten Tomatoes. We'll be staying on stop of the story and helping you understand the pain.

TODAY, I AM A MAN: I have successfully used a toilet auger for the first time.

YOU'RE GOING DOWN, CHAINSAW! Now on stage, Evil Dead -- Live!

SFGate has more.

DESERVES GOT NOTHING TO DO WITH IT: Now seems as good a time as any to open up this thread for Oscar hopes, fears, predictions and whimsy.

You should definitely join our pool to tell us who you think will win, but here's the place to talk about what you want to see happen Sunday night.

For me, it's a Original Screenplay win for Charlie Kaufmann for Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, after losing out on Being John Malkovich (to American Beauty) and Adaptation (to The Pianist, in Best Adapted Screenplay). And I want to see Chris Rock be himself, and not the neutered version of him that shows up in all his films.

And one non-awards prediction: Christopher Reeve will beat out Marlon Brando, Ronald Reagan, Ray Charles, Johnny Carson and Tony Randall for the loudest, most sustained applause during the Necrology.

LIKE AN OLD CHURCH BELL TOLLING, "THONG, THONG, THONG": Today, Fametracker brings you what is perennially the best Hollywood journalism of the year, going deep inside the Hollywood Star Chamber to report on the true selection process for the Oscars. That's right, five clones of Karl Malden picking the winners.

SOMEHOW, I SEE HER AS A WENDY CLIENT, NOT KARA SAUN'S: Substitute Wonkette reports on the Washington Post's apparent failure to proofread or over-liberal use of find and replace, generating a report that Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice appeared on "Das Project Runway" while in Germany. No word yet on whether she was able to make the outfit work or whether she strutted as effectively as Morgan.

IT'S GOTTA BE THE SHOES: Thank goodness -- a Project Runway finale that both matched and surpassed the months of great drama that preceded it.

Just two hours of great personalities, fantastic craft, clash after clash and a last-minute rules infraction that arises organically and is handled appropriately.

One of the best reality finales I've ever seen, up there with the rats and the snakes, Team Guido On Ice and Lill and Johnny Fairplay balancing on the floating platforms.

We knew the show was in when we saw it parodied on SNL this weekend. Now, I can't wait for Season Two . . .

NEXT UP, THE SHOW TO STAR CHRIS MELONI AND DEBRA MESSING: In the "bizarre casting" category, next season's Broadway production of "The Threepenny Opera," with a new book by Wallace "Vizzini" Shawn, will star sometime mutant superhero sometime perfume magnate Alan Cumming, "Sopranos" mom Edie Falco, and singer/songwriter Nellie McKay. That's going to be a weighty mixture to deal with.

THE ONLY OTHER TIME SOMEBODY ON THIS BLOG WILL MENTION HAROLD MINER: Adam mentioned last week that his dunk contest post would be the only time anybody on this blog would mention Harold Miner. In open defiance of Adam's promise, I report to you an article mentioning that Miner is doing okay for himself, having sensibly (and therefore inexplicably, for an NBA player and USC alum) bought a plot of land in Las Vegas with his endorsement-contract money. Miner, as you'll recall, was known in his SC days as "Baby Jordan" because everybody thought he was exactly like Michael Jordan. They still do, except that Miner was two or three inches shorter than advertised, played what the kids call "a French style of defense," and couldn't hit the pavement with a dropped brick.

HIT THE ROAD, JACK: Fodor's has a look at this year's Best Picture nominees through a travel lens along with a list of its Top Ten Movies That Inspire Us to Travel, such as Lost in Translation (Tokyo), Lord of the Rings (Middle Earth...er...New Zealand), and Sideways (California Wine Country).

Perhaps a more intriguing list would be "Top Ten Films That Dissuade Us From Travel":

1. Midnight Express (Turkey)
2. Deliverance (Tennessee River Country)
3. 28 Days Later (London and the English Countryside)
4. The Terminal (JFK airport)
5. Hotel Rwanda (Rwanda)
6. Insomnia (Alaska)
7. Butterfly Effect (Time)
8. Thelma and Louise (the American Southwest)
9. Titanic (the North Atlantic)
10. The Killing Fields (Cambodia)

BEST RADIO EVER? Sadly, because I'm the least hip blogger around, and I'm tried and surly from a visit to state court this morning (as an attorney, not a defendant!), I won't be at tonight's "Ritalin Readings," no, not even to hit on Jessica Coen, but our dear readers may wish to attend (and yes, we are available for future readings, though perhaps other topics would suit us better).

However, I may just be tuning in to local radio station KROCK's experiment, turning over the station's power and reach for four hours every night to "Best Week Ever"s Paul Scheer and his buddy to play and do whatever they want within FCC rules.

MAYBE CALLING IT "TEEN ORGY PARTY" WILL INCREASE YOUR HIT COUNT: Want to watch "gratuitious sexual innuendo" from "Boston Legal?" Or maybe a performance by "Motley Crew" [sic]? Yes, the Parents Television Council is so deeply offended by these scenes on TV that they've stuck them on their website so you, too, can be offended or entertained at your leisure.

Also entertaining? The PTC's grades for acceptability of shows. Among those earning "red" flagging are "Desperate Housewives," all permuations of "Law & Order,""Judging Amy," and "Scrubs.""

I WANT TO LIVE ON A CUBE FARM: Cubical play sets. Collect them all.

Via SJ Games' Daily Illuminator.

I AM AN IDIOT: After blogging about the One Day at a Time Reunion special yesterday, I forgot to Tivo it. So, readers, anyone have it on tape or the ability to burn it on to a DVD? If so, leave a note in the comments, and I will get in touch with you. I know, this is a pathetic request, but I really want to see what Glenn Scarpelli is up to today.

DO THESE COME IN THREES TOO? Fast on the heels of the announcement of the Jayhawks splitting up, the much more commercially successful and irritating band Blink 182 is breaking up over a dispute over the band's "musical direction." Apparently, they couldn't agree on which of the three chords they know would be the basis for their next song or whether the song would be about slacking or a girl with big boobs. (To be fair, their video for "All The Small Things" is a note-perfect boy band parody, with the girl in the background waving a sign reading simply "Travis! I'm Pregnant!")

Blink 182 is, of course, a contender in the "dumb lyrics in a hit song" category with such gems as "We started making out/she took off my pants/and then I turned on the TV," but my all-time topper has got to be one-hit wonder Dog's Eye View, who came up with the following gem in their one hit, "Everything Falls Apart:" "The devil's not in the details/No, the devil is in my pants."

BUT MY LIFE'S AMBITION WAS TO EAT THE WORLD'S LARGEST SANDWICH: I have never heard of the band the Heavenly States, but earlier this month, in fulfillment of a strange ambition, they became the first rock band to play in Libya since Col. Qaddafi took power.

WHERE HAVE ALL MY FRIENDS GONE? THEY'VE ALL DISAPPEARED: Alt-country pioneers The Jayhawks are calling it quits. (id/pw both bselig)

I first got hooked on The Jayhawks thanks to a Minnesota-based dormmate my senior year in college. I had a tape with Hollywood Town Hall on one side, Life's Rich Pageant on the other, and I swear it didn't leave my car's cassette deck for six months.

AND THEN TRAVOLTA WOULD HAVE BECOME A COBBLER: So, I've been reading Sharon Waxman's Rebels on the Backlot recently, which is a sequel of sorts to Spike, Mike, Slackers & Dykes, taking the latter's focus on independent directors of the 1980s into the next decade.

And Waxman doesn't have a lot to say about the craft of making movies in her focus on such people as Tarantino, Fincher, Jonze and Soderbergh, but she sure does have a lot of great additions to my list of Most Interesting Hollywood Paths Not Followed, including:

• Daniel Day-Lewis and Bruce Willis both wanted the Travolta role in Pulp Fiction, Meg Ryan, Holly Hunter and Michelle Pfeiffer angled to play Mrs. Mia Wallace, and Matt Dillon was Roger Avary's first choice to play Butch, the boxer;
• Cameron Crowe passed on directing Out of Sight;
• David Fincher (Fight Club, Se7en) was offered Erin Brockovich before Jersey Films finally turned to Soderbergh, and Peter Jackson (Lord of the Rings) was considered for directing Fight Club, with Russell Crowe as Tyler Durden, and either Winona Ryder or Reese Witherspoon in the Helena Bonham Carter role;
• David O. Russell turning to Dustin Hoffman, Mel Gibson, Nicolas Cage and Clint Eastwood to play the lead in Three Kings -- anything to avoid having to work with tv star George Clooney in his Gulf War film; and
• Paul Thomas Anderson wanted Leonardo DiCaprio to play Dirk Diggler; better still, Warren Beatty was under consideration for the Jack Horner (Burt Reynolds) role, until Anderson realized that Beatty actually wanted to be considered for Diggler.

I'll pass along more details as I learn them. It's not a great book, but it's an interesting one.

IF I'M BEING PERFECTLY HONEST HERE: The AI4 women aren't nearly as good as the men.

Nadia Turner brought the Thunderdome vibe, Mikayla Gordon started channeling Taylor Dayne and someone decided it would be a good idea to try to rescue "Against All Odds" from the time Corey Clark butchered it like that water buffalo at the end of Apocalypse Now.

I don't have a lot to say about the show. Maybe you've found someone to favor?

11. FRED "RERUN" BERRY WAS ONCE A MEMBER OF THE DOOBIE BROTHERS: The Observer debunks the 10 greatest rock 'n' roll myths.

NEXT, OLSEN TWINS GO NC-17: For those of you who've been wondering when Kim Cattrall was finally going to make a G-rated movie, wait no more. Not even my irrational love for any and all things that involve Joan Cusack will get me into the theatre.

Sadly, the post over at Low Culture comparing the "Ice Princess" Poster to a famous 80s trash poster appears to be gone, but I'll recreate it here.

MAKE A FILM FOR $8,100 AND YOU'VE GOT STREET CRED; SELF-PUBLISH AND YOU'RE A HACK. I don't know why this is true. But it is the wisdom of the publishing industry.

That said, a good friend of mine, James David King, simply wanted to tell his story and didn't think the whims of the publishing houses ought to dictate when and how (and, especially, whether) it was done. He's a talented writer -- and has published a number of shorts in fairly well established markets under a pseudonym -- but knew this story just wouldn't work for the big boys. His novel, Dionysus Logged Out, captures pre-internet, mid-1980s computer geek culture. It's about connecting over the computer before connecting over the computer was cool or, at least, non-freakish. But the novel doesn't put it on display as a curiousity.

I trust the interested reader to click through to the book site or to Amazon and give it due consideration.

It's an honest book about coming of age through a medium that was, itself, coming of age.

I'VE MADE A TERRIBLE MISTAKE: About 20% of you will get moderately excited about this and the other 80% will either have no idea what I'm talking about or just don't give a damn, but I just looked out my window and saw the Bluth Company stair truck parked across the street. I try not to get too excited for star sightings in LA, but the stair truck made me dizzy.

I STILL PREFER THE PINOT: For those of you throwing Oscar parties next week, here are some cocktail recipes inspired by the Best Picture nominees, ranging from the simple (the "Hit The Road, Jack," which is simply Jack Daniels and Coke) to the frouffy (the "Pixie Stick," a mixture of gin, Midori, and 7-Up) to the utterly inexplicable (the "Pinot Envy," which mixes champagne, vodka, peach schnapps, and pineapple juice together to pay tribute to a movie about wine).

ALMOST AS GOOD AS NON-ALCOHOLIC BEER: The Times would like you to know that playing poker with no monetary risk whatsoever is hot, and legal in an increasing number of states, though, as is the case with non-alcoholic beer, I must ask what's the point? Of course, it was right next to this article, which somehow manages to go for a thousand words without making a single reference to either the Village People or the song "In The Navy," which started running through my head moments after reading the headline.

UP ON YOUR FEET! I must be napping, but I just heard on the radio that tonight CBS is airing a One Day at a Time reunion. Usually these shows are disappointing wank-fests, which get old after you get over the shock of seeing how old (or cosmetically enhanced) your favorite show's stars have become in the resulting decades, but the chance to see the Pat Harrington Jr. alone is worth walking upstairs and setting my Tivo now.

BECAUSE OF TITLE 11 OF THE UNITED STATES CODE: Just as the family film "Because of Winn-Dixie" arrives in theatres, Winn-Dixie (the store chain, not the adorable puppy in the movie) has filed for bankruptcy. No word on if this impacts the long-awaited sequel, "On Account of Piggly Wiggly" or the final volume in the trilogy, "As A Result of Schnucks." (Aren't Southern supermarket names fun?)

12 GALAXIES, GUILTED TO A ZEGNATRONIC ROCKET SOCIETY: Frank Chu is a fixture in downtown San Francisco. Yes, he is completely insane,* but he may be the most popular maniac in San Francisco since Emperor Norton I. Heck, I like the guy so much that three years ago, I went as him for Halloween.

And while I knew he had a nightclub named in his honor, it is a great bit of San Francisco style to know that they let him drink there for free.

* opens to video clip

DO WE DO FOOD & WINE HERE? Whether we do or not, SFGate has a fine article about the ins and outs of pairing beer and cheese. Pairing an Old Foghorn or Moylan's barleywine with a stilton sounds especially nice.

TIP--PICKING "SHARK TALE" FOR BEST ANIMATED FEATURE IS UNLIKELY TO HELP: It's now little more than a week till the Oscars. In an effort to build some community around here, I've set up a Yahoo! Pick 'Em Group for the use of this blog and its audience. Group number is 2246 and the password is what comes before the .blogspot in this blog's URL. Sign up, make your picks, and the fine folks around here will put our heads together and try to come up with a suitable prize for the competitor who comes around with the highest score.

"FATE HAD OTHER PLANS FOR BOTH OF US:" While "Idol" is starting, "Everwood" is leaving the air to make way for "Lori Loughlin in a bikini," but at least it does so with a top-notch episode. Gorgeous and accurate Upper West Side location shots, top-notch acting from Treat Williams and Gregory Smith, and high-tier writing (including the return and explanation of the best voice-over device on TV!) combine for one of the best episodes we've seen this season on any show. Also, Blake Neely, the show's outstanding composer, never fails to amaze, writing score pieces in mere days that enhance the feeling of the show (large portions of the show were shot just a week ago, as shots of "The Gates" in the background evidence). Such a shame that we won't resolve the cliffhanger until late April. For those of you who've missed the first two seasons of the show, Season 1 is now available on DVD, and is well worth your investment. In addition, leading actress Emily VanCamp will also grace the silver screen in "The Ring Two" in March, a role which will (hopefully) get her the sort of acclaim and career that followed Amber Tamblyn's appearance in the first one.

LINES ARE OPEN: American Idol? It's on, and, wow, it's a lot better show when they get rid of the boy-band wannabes and allow the post-pubescent to compete.

Evaluate the twelve men who competed tonight, and if you've got anything bad to say about my boy Anwar Robinson, keep it to yourself. Who should be worried?

QUIZ TIME: Which of these groups of famous folks would you define as "A-list"?:

• 1. Diane Keaton, Carlos Santana, "Million Dollar Baby" writer Paul Haggis, Martin Sheen, Emilio Estevez, Alfre Woodard, Danny Glover and Jackson Browne.
• 2. George Clinton, Foxy Brown, Lloyd Banks. Young Buck from G-Unit, Busta Rhymes, Missy Elliott cast members from The Apprentice and Third Watch.
• 3. Hilary Swank, Michael Clarke Duncan, Hank Azaria, Helen Hunt, and Leonardo DiCaprio.
• 4. Britney Spears,Jessica Simpson, Jennifer Connolly, Diane Lane, Virginia Madsen, Sarah Jessica Parker and Allison Janney.
• 5. Adrien Brody, Ashley Olsen, tennis greats Andy Roddick and Mark Philippoussis, model Amber Valletta, Jay-Z , Luke Wilson, Nicole Richie, Jermaine Dupri, Vin Diesel, Eminem, Shannon Elizabeth, Frankie "Malcolm in the Middle" Muniz, Miami party girl Ingrid Casares, tennis beauty Anna Kournikova, rocker Fred Durst, Christina Aguilera, Avril Lavigne, Lindsay Lohan and her mother, Victoria Gotti, hip-hop star Pharrell Williams, rock heiress Bijou Phillips, lip-syncher Ashlee Simpson, heir Brandon Davis, singer Blu Cantrell, "Boston Legal" actress Rhona Mitra, singer Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas, actress Peta Wilson, Leelee Sobieski, Cher's son Elijah Blue Allman, Yoko Ono flack Elliot Mintz, criminal defense attorney Robert Shapiro, San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom, the daughter of Pocket Fisherman inventor Ron Popeil, the son of director Ivan Reitman, rap and fashion entrepreneur Russell Simmons, rocker Matt Sorum of Velvet Revolver, the daughter of Rod and Alana Stewart, Anders Eisner (son of Disney chief Michael), Warner Music's Lyor Cohen, actor Kevin Connolly from "Entourage," Las Vegas hotelier George Maloof, Super Dave Osbourne, and Mark Cuban.

The answer is: Groups 1 (signers of ad advocating immigrants drivers licenses), 2 (attendees at 50 Cent's housewarming party), 3 (an acting coach's clients), and 4 (a dress designer's clients) are defined as "A-list" according to various news sources, while group 5 (Paris Hilton's address book from her hacked Blackberry) is strictly "B-list" according to Fox News' Roger Friedman.

AIR FORCED NEXT TO ONE: You've settled comfortably into that aisle seat, praying that no one will come on the plane and take that middle seat so you can spread your legs and ride in comfort when at the last moment here comes a passenger and its none other than one of the presidents of the United States. So, the question is, which president past or present do you want to sit next to on the non-stop from O'Hare to Logan? Well, when asked this very question, some 27% said they wanted Bill Clinton to be their seatmate. Clinton topped the list of presidential travel partners, followed by 19% who wanted to sit with JFK, 18% with George W. Bush, 17% with Reagan, 10% with Carter, 8% with FDR, and just 1% with Nixon. (Note that these seven were the only choices in the survey, denying people from choosing Garfield or Tyler.)

In other Presidents' Day list news, two recent surveys asked people to list the greatest president (presumedly they were allowed to pick from the entire list). Lincoln came up No. 1 on one list, while Reagan topped the other.

And since the First Lady is hiring a new cook for the White House mess, here's a list of past White House Chefs.

LEVITICUS COMES ALIVE: Most rams, of course, are clean and kosher.

Just not the ones in St. Louis, Missouri, where an outbreak of methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus (MRSA) skin infections spread among the St. Louis Rams in 2003 through rough play and shared towels, whirlpools, and weights.

Mike Martz: bad with fundamental game strategy, bad with fundamental hygiene.

IF AMERICA EVER CRASHES, IT WILL BE IN A TWO-TONE CONVERTIBLE : Hunter S. Thompson, 67, died Sunday night of a self-inflicted gunshot wound. I hope he has found the peace which -- by both accident and design -- seemed to elude him.

LOOK AT ME, I'M SANDRA DEE: Made this year's Necrology.

PIMP MY....TALMUD? The Jewish half of the "God Squad" takes a moment to proclaim the spiritual value of "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" and "Pimp My Ride." No word on whether "Wife Swap" or "The Swan" has spiritual value, however.