A List Of Things Thrown Five Minutes Ago

AN EVENING ON THE COUCH WATCHING A MOVIE WITH A FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS SPONSOR, TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO GET MY ARM AROUND IT: Because Spacewoman wanted to hurry through the episode and go to bed, to stick to my first pledge, I had to go back and watch all of the commercials at the end. I never really thought about it, but 30 commercials is a lot. Anyway, I wanted to buy so much stuff from those wonderful advertisers that I couldn't narrow this inaugural sponsor-appreciation post to just one. I'll pick three:

• Re/Max. All realtors are going to show you the same houses, and all competent ones are going to tell you to unclutter your place and bake some cookies before your open house. Since there's not much difference, you might as well go with the company whose name means, depending upon your dialect, "again/most" or "about/a guy's name."
  
• Sleep Train Mattress Centers. Because nothing puts me out faster than powerful locomotives? I once rode the Sleep Train all the way out to the Squalling Baby Relaxation Spa, where I drank some hot Don't Freak Out My Period Is Late Chamomile Tea and got a Mama's Family massage. Heavenly. Anyway, all aboard.
  
• Betty Crocker Warm Delights. Shouldn't all desserts sound like euphemisms for lady parts?

That's all for this week. Show the sponsors some love, and tell them Coach Taylor sent you.