A List Of Things Thrown Five Minutes Ago

[YOU ARE STILL IN THE RUNNING/FOR YOUR CRIMES I SENTENCE YOU] TO [BE AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL/STAY IN THE HOUSE AND ROCK BRET'S WORLD]: Let's play America's Next Top Model Cycle 10 hopeful or Rock of Love 2 contestant (note: some descriptions apply to multiple contestants):

• Ivy League ESL student
  
• Helium-talker
  
• Dead ringer for the daytime hooker from My Name is Earl
  
• Female circumcision
  
• Molested
  
• Bronzer-fetishist
  
• Unattractive punk
  
• Elvira, Mistress of the Night's older non-goth sister
  
• So much plastic surgery you can't tell if she's Asian or not
  
• Well-rehearsed eccentric
  
• Lapsed Mormon
  
• Single mom
  
• Voluptuous girl next door
  
• Voluptuous skank
  
• Stereotypical dumb blonde
  
• Pretending to be bisexual
  
• Anorexic
  
• Cannon fodder (will be eliminated/recuse self for insufficient fawning over Tyra/Bret)

Sadly, no Spontaniouse in either house. Incidentally, this season proves once again my theory that every other cycle of ANTM (and for that matter every season of Rock of Love) features a cast of women who are not remotely attractive enough to be models. Does anybody think that Heather, Lisa, Chantal, or Jenah -- all Cycle 9 also-rans -- wouldn't instantly be the favorite among this group?