ALWAYS BE PREPARED: Things that may happen to you if you fall in love, according to the Decemberists:
- Your girlfriend and the captain of the opposing team condescend to fix on you a frown
- Televised news programs reveal that your lover is a spy named Valerie Plame
- Your girlfriend is killed by shots intended by her brother for you because she belongs to a rival gang
- You bet your son away to a blind brigadeer in a game of high-stakes canasta
- Your wife turns out to be a crane and has to fly away because you found her weaving cloth in a box
- You drown in a sentient river while rescuing your lover from your adoptive mother, who is a forest
- You and your spouse live happily ever after in a home built of packing foam
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