A List Of Things Thrown Five Minutes Ago

I [HEART] STEROIDS: Here's why today's news that David Ortiz (and Manny Ramirez, but you knew that) tested positive for steroids in 2003 is great for baseball:

1. The only people in the entire world whose opinions about baseball matter are in New York and Boston.
2. New Yorkers already don't care about steroids because the Yankees were among the first teams in baseball to be revealed to have been eyeball-deep in steroids.
3. In Boston, it is generally accepted that David Ortiz represents everything that is good and right with the world.
4. David Ortiz did steroids.
5. Steroids therefore are good and right.
6. Since Boston and New York will now agree that nothing is wrong with steroids (and their "you cheated" arguments cancel each other out), we can all get over ourselves and stop caring about steroids.

No, seriously, I get a sharp pain behind my right ear every time I see a sanctimonious headline about steroids, like today's ESPN.com "shame list" link. How many years ago was it that anybody honestly believed that Ortiz never took steroids? This is news like "Adam Lambert is gay" is news.