A List Of Things Thrown Five Minutes Ago

FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS A DAY IS WHAT THEY PAY MY BABY FOR HER PRETTY FACE: I've heard of artists taking requests before, but formerly beloved indie rock singer Juliana Hatfield has taken it to another level. For $1000, she'll write a song for you. Terms and conditions below the fold:

tell me what you would like me to put in the song -- your name, your hobbies, your thoughts, your problems, your loves, your favorite things, your job -- tell me something about yourself so I can create a song around a version of you that I can absorb from what you tell me. Nothing dirty or gross, please. I don’t want you to send me a long book but rather some impressions -- and your name -- to give me something to work with. I will work on a first-come, first-served basis. Please give me three months (starting when payment is made and personal details have been sent) to complete the writing and recording and delivery (by mail) of the song....

Later, some words a lawyer may have recommended:

I have to insist that there will be no returns accepted and no money refunded if you aren’t satisfied with what I create and deliver. It will be too complicated otherwise -- too much grey area. By signing up for this you acknowledge that you are going into this with a certain amount of faith in me and my songwriting abilities. I will put my heart and my head and my imagination into this and I will do my best to come up with some good songs for whoever can afford it... I hold myself to high standards and if I think I have failed to create an inspired, good-enough song for a particular person or persons, then and only then will I refund the money. But it will have to be my decision.

I need to ask of everyone who buys a song that they do not profit financially in any way from the song -- it will be copyrighted like every song I write, and I will own the copyright. I do not plan to ever release any of these songs to the public -- the songs are only for the people who order them.