Tuesday, November 6, 2012

ALOTT5MA TACKLES THE GREATEST ISSUE OF OUR TIME:

Proposition 1: Prohibits the baiting of bears, except where the bait is delicious and properly so labeled with the words "DELICIOUS BEAR BAIT" in a legible font sufficiently large to be read and understood by a bear. Also requires appropriate warnings if bear bait contains trace or greater amounts of peanut ingredients.

Proposition 2: Permits the baiting of bears for medicinal purposes only.

Proposition 3: Permits the baiting of bears, but creates an agency for the comprehensive regulation of bears to be constituted within the Department of Motor Vehicles and to be headed by a commission of three persons, one of whom shall be a Democrat, one of whom shall be a Republican, and one of whom shall be a bear.

Proposition 4: Permits the baiting of bears and all bear-like creatures, including raccoons, koalas, mascots, and you in 20 years if we're being honest with ourselves.

Proposition 5: Prohibits the baiting of bears, but permits the trolling of bears, including by posting anti-bear comments at http://www.bear.grr.

VOTE OR DIE.
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8 comments:

  1. jam5:49 PM

    Yes. No. Yes (if only for the inevitable litigation about the commission appointments). No. Yes.

    ReplyDelete
  2. MidwestAndrew5:49 PM

    Two questions: 1) Is bear taunting legal? 2) Does Proposition 4 extend to woolly bear caterpillars?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Matt5:49 PM

    Will warnings also be required if the bear bait contains genetically modified substances and/or if the bear bait contains chemicals which do or might cause cancer?

    ReplyDelete
  4. Eric J.5:49 PM

    Can we carve out an exception in Prop. 4 for Panda Bears?

    ReplyDelete
  5. isaac_spaceman5:50 PM

    No, and there also is no panda bear exception in the separate proposition prohibiting the sexual trafficking of panda bears. Which makes Yun Zi sad.

    ReplyDelete
  6. bill.5:51 PM

    HEY BEAR HEY BEAR HEY BEAR HEY BEAR WHERE'S YOUR PICANIC BASKET BEAR TIME FOR YOUR NAP BEAR HEY BEAR HEY BEAR HEY BEAR (throws a blueberry and runs)

    ReplyDelete
  7. bill.5:51 PM

    HEY BEAR HEY BEAR HEY BEAR HEY BEAR WHERE'S YOUR PICANIC BASKET BEAR TIME FOR YOUR NAP BEAR HEY BEAR HEY BEAR HEY BEAR (throws a blueberry and runsb

    ReplyDelete
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