ALOTT5MA TACKLES THE GREATEST ISSUE OF OUR TIME:
Proposition 1: Prohibits the baiting of bears, except where the bait is delicious and properly so labeled with the words "DELICIOUS BEAR BAIT" in a legible font sufficiently large to be read and understood by a bear. Also requires appropriate warnings if bear bait contains trace or greater amounts of peanut ingredients.
Proposition 2: Permits the baiting of bears for medicinal purposes only.
Proposition 3: Permits the baiting of bears, but creates an agency for the comprehensive regulation of bears to be constituted within the Department of Motor Vehicles and to be headed by a commission of three persons, one of whom shall be a Democrat, one of whom shall be a Republican, and one of whom shall be a bear.
Proposition 4: Permits the baiting of bears and all bear-like creatures, including raccoons, koalas, mascots, and you in 20 years if we're being honest with ourselves.
Proposition 5: Prohibits the baiting of bears, but permits the trolling of bears, including by posting anti-bear comments at http://www.bear.grr.
VOTE OR DIE.
Yes. No. Yes (if only for the inevitable litigation about the commission appointments). No. Yes.
ReplyDeleteTwo questions: 1) Is bear taunting legal? 2) Does Proposition 4 extend to woolly bear caterpillars?
ReplyDeleteWill warnings also be required if the bear bait contains genetically modified substances and/or if the bear bait contains chemicals which do or might cause cancer?
ReplyDeleteCan we carve out an exception in Prop. 4 for Panda Bears?
ReplyDeleteNo, and there also is no panda bear exception in the separate proposition prohibiting the sexual trafficking of panda bears. Which makes Yun Zi sad.
ReplyDeleteHEY BEAR HEY BEAR HEY BEAR HEY BEAR WHERE'S YOUR PICANIC BASKET BEAR TIME FOR YOUR NAP BEAR HEY BEAR HEY BEAR HEY BEAR (throws a blueberry and runs)
ReplyDeleteHEY BEAR HEY BEAR HEY BEAR HEY BEAR WHERE'S YOUR PICANIC BASKET BEAR TIME FOR YOUR NAP BEAR HEY BEAR HEY BEAR HEY BEAR (throws a blueberry and runsb
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