IF THEY HAD ONLY GIVEN US "REMBERT EXPLAINS THE 80S," DAYENU:  Grantland turns two years old today, and in celebration many are passing around this June 8, 2011 Atlantic article which explained why Grantland was "doomed". (In particular, Nicholas Jackson wrongly assumed that Bill Simmons would try to force the site's elite writers to write like him, as opposed to giving a place for a fantastic staff to be themselves.)

NO IT ISN'T. IT'S JUST CONTRADICTION:   So Lucy received the "Monty Python Award" from her teachers as fourth grade concluded, as a testament to her consistent sense of humor, etc. (Go figure.) And now I have to figure out how to introduce her to the Pythons, since I (perhaps surprisingly) have never been fully immersed. My first efforts last night were Argument Clinic (yielding giggles), Ministry of Silly Walks (chuckles), and the Lumberjack Song, which led to cackling and multiple requests to play it again, find other versions, etc. So where do I go from here?

BET ON GATOROID:  The WSJ gathers several of the nation's top zoologists and experts in animal physiology to determine which land animal would win the 1.5 mile Belmont Stakes if all of them could enter.

AND THE CHAOS OF CAGES WHERE THE CRAYFISH LIE:  Having failed to exhaust the topic of  the decline of Newcastle shipbuilding for 1991's The Soul Cages, Sting will release a new album this year entitled The Last Ship with songs he has written for a pending Broadway musical on the subject. In other words, think The Capeman, but wetter and with bigger words.

WET, SHE'S A STAR. DRY, SHE AIN'T:  Esther Williams has passed away at the age of 91. Here's a nice tribute segment from That's Entertainment.

ALOTT5MA TRAVELERS TO THE NORTH DESK:  We get requests. From Heather K:

I was hoping the thing throwers would be able to help me plan a little trip to Canada.  My husband and I and a friend are driving up to Toronto over the 4th of July week/end from Chicago. 

We would like some advice about things to do and see because we know very little of Toronto, we just wanted a road trip over the 4th of July holiday and have never been to Toronto. 

Some notes, we are museum people and theatre people and historical building people and even quirky oddity people.  We are not sports people or beach people.  We also aren't exactly sure where we are staying--thinking we will do air bnb. Oh!  We are good food people, so eat recs are very important but we probably won't be all out fancy restaurant on this trip.

EXPLODING FUCKING T----- WITH ----- ------ ---- ON TOP:  That, with certain key terms deleted, was the message Alan Sepinwall sent me last night when I told him I had made it to episode 2.7 of Breaking Bad ("Negro y Azul") in my catch-up efforts (with its awesome narcocorrida music video), and it marks as good a point as any to start our recap discussions, below the fold.

MY WIFE AND I WERE INTELLECTUALS BEFORE WE HAD CHILDREN:  We just passed the 30th anniversary of the release of Bill Cosby: Himself, and so GQ gathered seven top comedians to discuss its awesomeness. Jerry Seinfeld notes:

What you were seeing here was a guy who could go through so many layers of rock in exploring a comedic premise. All his bits, they're so detailed and developed. He paints murals as opposed to pictures, and that's what really separates him. Not only do you have to have that comedic skill but you also have a tremendous gift of stage presence to hold the audience's attention that long. Comedians, we don't take pauses like him. If I took a pause like that, by the time I started talking again half the room would be empty. But the audience has such natural confidence in him, and he has in himself, and that's a bond. That they're gonna wait. They trust him. They know he's taking them somewhere good. That's when you can take a pause like that.

Witness: "Jeffrey."

DAVID SAID, “OKAY, LET’S EACH OF US GO IN THE VOCAL BOOTH AND SING HOW WE THINK THE MELODY SHOULD GO–JUST OFF THE TOP OF OUR HEADS–AND WE’LL COMPILE A VOCAL OUT OF THAT”:  The inside story of the recording of "Under Pressure," including an isolated vocals-only track which ... yeah. You'll play it a few times. As Isaac once wrote for these pages, "I always believed in the old adage about how no matter how good you are, there is always somebody better, but I really do not think that was true with Mercury. There is literally nobody who could do Mercury better than Mercury."

WAS THERE EVER A WEDDING LESS JOYFUL?, SHE WONDERED: Harper Collins UK has been kind enough to post online the chapter from A Storm of Swords containing this week's final scene from Game of Thrones. (HT: TVTattle.)

PIRI PIRI APPEARS:  New York magazine list the twenty-five must-buy condiments of today (other than Huy Fong sriracha).

YOU WANNA SEE SOMETHING?  In happy news, the California production credit lottery announced its winners, and among them are a (still hypothetical, sadly) season 2 of Bunheads.  That said, if they went through the time to do a full lottery application, that would bode well, and the tax credit will help keep production costs down.  In sadder news, Entourage: The Movie also won the lottery, basically guaranteeing it'll exist, and frankly, what else does Adrien Grenier have to do with himself?  Is that something you might be interested in?

TOWARDS THE PODIUM:  Twelve pain-in-the-ass rules from the AP Style Guide.

FLAPPERS > NEPOTISM:  The Great Gatsby has been an unexpected hit, while After Earth became Will Smith's worst opening ever, even more so than Wild Wild West.  Serves him right for abandoning Big Willie Weekend.

FROM THE ALOTT5MA EXTREME SANDWICH DESK:  This week, Dunkin Donuts will be rolling out a new egg-and-meat breakfast sandwich employing a sliced glazed donut as the bun.  According to DD’s Executive Chef and Vice President of Global Product Innovation, Stan Frankenthaler, "We want to help guests discover their love of combining sweet and savory, and I think the Glazed Donut Breakfast Sandwich is a great way to do that. If this trend continues, we’d love to explore more options to offer additional menu items with these flavor combinations."

HAPPINESS IS JUST A FLAMING MOE AWAY: The various "Springfield" restaurants at Universal Orlando are now open, and there's a pretty comprehensive review.  Really?  9.95 for a Krusty Burger?  Wake up when Universal opens the Pawnee River Adventure and I can go get waffles at JJ's.

THEN KILL ME NOW. GO ON NOW, GO INTO THE HAM, AND TAKE THE CARVING KNIFE AND STAB ME, HERE, HERE, NOW, PLEASE! IT WOULD HURT ME LESS THAN WHAT YOU JUST SAID: The members of the Writers Guild of America have voted, creating their list of the 101 best-written tv series of all time.

THE LANNISTERS SEND THEIR REGARDS: If anyone wants to comment on tonight's Game of Thrones, here's the place. It can't not be a spoiler-o-rama.