ABOUT AS LIKELY AS ALLOWING LEFT TURNS:  Despite a mild legislative push, New Jersey (along with Oregon) still won't allow you to pump your own gas, and they like it that way:

“Nobody can make a sound argument why we should not allow this,” said State Assemblyman Declan J. O’Scanlon Jr., a Republican who is proposing one bill to allow self-service gas. “The only way to win that argument is if you can make a legitimate argument that New Jerseyans are more flammable than other people.” 

“They are a little more volatile,” he added. “We consume a lot more greasy boardwalk food and funnel cakes, so maybe we are.”

I CAN HAZ TRIPLE WORD SCORE:  The Scrabble Players' Dictionary has been supplemented with a bunch of new words, and some are rather disturbing, including "eew," "lolz," "newb," and "shizzle."

STILL GIVING HOPE TO PUDGY 12-YEAR-OLD DORKS EVERYWHERE:  Latest update on The Continuing Maturation of Matthew Lewis, the actor who played Neville Longbottom, with an appropriate response from J.K. Rowling. ("Not as bad as watching Dan in Equus, but close. Warn me next time, for God's sake."  And then some.)

[Past links here, here, here,]

IF ANYTHING COULD EVER BE THIS GOOD AGAIN:  I don't have anything unique I can say about Letterman's retirement, or his last show; his impact on comedy and our culture is something we all just know in our bones.  (I also have trouble getting past the creepy stuff with women, which can't be skipped over easily.)

I'll just link to Warren Zevon's final appearance on the show -- not even the performances, just the first part of the interview from October 30, 2002. It's those rare moments of sincerity from Letterman I'll remember most. Dayenu.

I PUT A SPELL ON YOU: There's an official Bee app this year, Buzzworthy, with the ability to "hives" to compete against each other next week based on the spellers everyone picks.  So, of course, we need to win this.  The access code for the ALOTT5MA hive is 7EFA53.

LOVE THAT CRAZY CRAB!  Here's a a great little 30 for 30 short on the Giants 1984-and-1984-only mascot, Crazy Crab. 

GO AHEAD; DEAL IN ABSOLUTES IF YOU MUST:  One decade after its release, are we prepared to say nice things about Revenge of the Sith, if not quite offer thunderous applause?

Matt's original review is here, and the rest of Ten Years Ago This Week On The Blog will make you feel old.  (Tom v Ian on the Buoys, John Carter leaves ER, Michael Jackson on trial, we all get excited for NBC's The Law Firm reality series, and Matt wonders if Kenan Thompson and others should return to SNL.)

DOODY FREE ZONE:  Local news, don't ever change.

[Yes, gang, I've been quiet lately.  Between yesterday's election and everything around my dad, it's been a lot.  But we have a Spelling Bee next week, and we gonna do what we do -- even though there's a part of me which says, huh, isn't everyone on Twitter at this point? -- because I can't yet imagine fully shifting away from this now-almost-archaic medium.]

AND I WOULD WALK 804 KLICKS AND I WOULD WALK 804 MORE:  I was listening to this Canadian band I like, Great Big Sea, this morning.  A perfectly nice ghost story origin song about a dead pirate who haunts the rocks between Newfoundland and St Pierre.  As he was chased by the RCMP:

They said they heard him laughing
With the Mounties closing in
His engines scream murder
And his face set in a grin

The seagulls started lifting
Like an angry banshee choir
He hit the rocks at 50 klicks
And the sky lit up with fire

I ask you: How is "klick" better than "knot" in this context?

Look, I am a great proponent of the metric system for all scientific endeavors and international sporting events.  I'm fine, too, with keeping every day measurements in English units -- 65 miles per hour speed limits and kids measuring 48" to ride this ride.  But when it comes to songs and poetry written in English, is it ever more poetic to use "kilogram" or "klick" than "pound" or "gallon" or "hogshead" or "mile"?

(I'll not an exception for any songs about smuggling, where "kilo" is to be preferred.)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2n_JYkI3Y-s