THE "WIDE" IN "WIDE RECEIVER":  What is a tight end? Penn Law Prof. Stephen Burbank, as system arbitrator for NFL/NFLPA disputes, has decided that the Saints' Jimmy Graham remains one (thus saving FFL keeper league commissioners a great deal of tsuris). You can read his full reasoning here.

IN CONGRESS JULY 4, 1776: The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America,

[See, related, Isaac Spaceman's "A Word From Your Editor" (July 4, 2008) here. And set your DVRs -- 1776 airs on TCM at 1:30pm today. In the meantime, enjoy "The Lees of Old Virginia" as performed by the My Little Pony troupe, and read John Adams' letter to Abigail Adams of July 3, 1776 ("It ought to be solemnized with Pomp and Parade, with Shews, Games, Sports, Guns, Bells, Bonfires and Illuminations from one End of this Continent to the other from this Time forward forever more.")]

When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.--That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.--Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

JEFFERSON, I THINK WE'RE LOST:  There's now a question as to whether the Declaration of Independence reads (as we thought):

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.—That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed...

Or like this, as new research suggests:

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness—That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed...

Without that unintended period after Happiness (or Happinefs), scholars allege, “The logic of the sentence moves from the value of individual rights to the importance of government as a tool for protecting those rights. You lose that connection when the period gets added.”

BOOK CLUB:  Our extended holiday weekend provides a good opportunity for our regular catch-up, so, what are you reading these days?

I'm finishing up Mark Harris' Five Came Back, which is yet another fascinating Hollywood history of his, this time on the directors (Capra, Ford, Huston, Stevens, and Wyler) who served the nation during World War II, and the amazing films and documentaries they made both during the war and afterwards. It's an absolute must for film buffs. You?

I BELIEVE THAT SOMEONE ELSE WILL WIN:  Travis Waldron's flowchart helps you figure out which World Cup quarterfinalist to root for now.

WHY CAN'T THEY BE LIKE WE WERE, IMPERFECT IN EVERY WAY?  According to the Centers for Disease Control, today's teenagers are smoking less tobacco, drinking less alcohol, having less unprotected sex, getting pregnant less often, and exercising more often than prior generations. (They are, however, smoking more pot.)

IT MAKES ANYTHING FUNNY:Still depressed about yesterday's World Cup game?  Take a couple of minutes to watch Dolly Parton play "Yakety Sax."

SOME DAY I'LL BE BIG ENOUGH SO YOU CAN'T HIT ME:  Go ahead and try to name the top twenty recording artists (based on album sales) which made their debuts in 2000 or thereafter.

YOU MAY NOW CEASE ROCKING YOUR BODY:  Happy Canada Day!  Of course, the proper way to celebrate?  Let's Go To The Mall!

TAKE UP OUR QUARREL WITH THE FOE! This blog feels the same about Belgium as it did in 2007:

What’s so great about a country that essentially serves as a highway for France and Germany to invade each other, and the name of which the rest of the universe considers the foulest of insults? It doesn’t even have its own language, just two outrageous accents: Dutch and French. And, frankly, Brussels sprouts far outweigh the salutary cuisine springing from this country. Perhaps the archaic remnant of von Metternich’s world design should be consigned to the ash heap of history. Dutch-dominated Flanders can hi-diddily-hightail it back to the Netherlands, and French Walloons can return to a country where they will still be insulted, but now in a language they can understand.

I believe that we will win!

DICKLESS JIG:  Fifteen years ago today, the greatest movie musical of the past forty-plus years was released into theaters: South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut. Here's "La Resistance", and Matt Stone's memo to the MPAA on its suggested cuts ("We have the shot animated that reveals the fact that Winona is not shooting ping-pong balls from her vagina.").

[Go ahead, make a case for a better movie musical post-Wonka: I'll hear arguments for Moulin Rouge!, Hairspray, and Little Shop of Horrors, I guess.]

SURVEY SAYS:  Having completed this year's Western Excursion with the girls (more on San Diego and Anza-Borrego soon), I couldn't help but wonder: which amenity would you rather have while flying—JetBlue's thirty-some channels of live tv (got to watch a good deal of the World Cup today), or relatively cheap wifi?  Does it matter how long the flight is?

[Note: asking for yourself only; when traveling with kids, it has to be the live tv, right? Even if it means seeing one's daughter marathoning Animal Planet's "Finding Bigfoot" series. (Spoiler Alert: they haven't found him yet.)]