Friday, December 23, 2011

JUST ASK THE HERPES MONKEY: Actual press release from the American Veterinary Medical Association (AVMA): "'We Bought a Zoo' is a Fun Movie, But Buying Zoo Animals Can Be a Bad Idea." [HT: @dhm]

Other things in Cameron Crowe movies you may not want to do in real life:
  • Blasting your boombox outside your ex's window
  • Dugout sex
  • Present a manifesto to one's employer as to how everyone in the firm is behaving unethically
  • Hang out with Citizen Dick
  • Topeka. House party. LSD.
at

28 comments:

  1. Eric J.10:57 AM

    Demonstrate fellatio in a High School cafeteria.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Kate11:02 AM

    Break up with your boyfriend by giving him a pen.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Randy12:00 PM

    Sell your groupie girlfriend for fifty bucks and a case of beer.  (What kind of beer is irrelevant.)

    ReplyDelete
  4. StvMg12:06 PM

    Get sex tips from Xavier McDaniel.

    ReplyDelete
  5. tortoiseshelly12:09 PM

    Hire Moe as your business liquidation specialist.

    (I'm pitching this idea to CC for his next movie.)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Benner12:15 PM

    The X-man has good sex tips.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Duvall12:54 PM

    <span>Pursuing a career in print journalism.</span>

    ReplyDelete
  8. Russ12:59 PM

    Assume leading role in intergalactic revolution against regime headed by guy who shoots lightning from his frikking fingers.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Slick2:11 PM

    Sing original songs about your ex's behavior at a house party, in which the only lyrics are that he lied when he cried. 

    ReplyDelete
  10. Travis2:38 PM

    Announce to the firm that just fired you how you plan to steal all their clients.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Adam C.2:39 PM

    Hang out at the Gas N Sip on a Saturday night completely alone drinking beers with no women anywhere.  By choice.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Professor Jeff2:41 PM

    Hang out at the Gas 'n' Sip on a Saturday night completely alone drinking beers with no women anywhere.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Adam C.2:42 PM

    For that matter, ruling out career choices based on whether they have any connection to things that are sold, bought, or processed,

    ReplyDelete
  14. Russ2:46 PM

    Conscious choice.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Adam C.2:49 PM

    Okay, holy shit.  Add to this near simultanaity the fact that I just got back to my office and listened to a voicemail that Professor Jeff left for me earlier in the day, and I think it's time to call it a holiday.

    ReplyDelete
  16. kd bart3:41 PM

    Try to sell Kate Hudson as a leading lady.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Watts3:42 PM

    Get hung up on a SuperTrain. People like their cars.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Professor Jeff3:47 PM

    It's the Spirit of the Keymaster, bringing us together at this festive time of year. (But you MUST CHILL.)

    ReplyDelete
  19. Watts3:47 PM

    Forget to lock the bathroom door.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Marsha3:55 PM

    Trying to buy anything, sell anything, or process anything.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Adam C.3:58 PM

    Put on Side 2 of Physical Graffiti instead of Side 1 of Led Zeppelin IV.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Adam4:16 PM

    Conversely, always knock on the bathroom door when someone else might be in there.

    ReplyDelete
  23. kd bart4:32 PM

    Let Jeff Spicoli drive.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Watts5:53 PM

    One could say the onus is on the onanist.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Joseph Finn8:17 PM

    I'll just note that seeing the Twitter entry for this was a serious WTF when I have no access at work:

    "<span>New! : JUST ASK THE HERPES MONKEY: Actual press release from the American Veterinary Medical Association (AVMA"</span>

    ReplyDelete
  26. Joseph Finn10:57 PM

    What, what did I do?

    I LIED!

    I LIED!

    I LIED!

    ReplyDelete
  27. Heather K11:52 PM

    Let Orlando Bloom design your shoes.

    ReplyDelete
  28. The Pathetic Earthling9:27 AM

    Ask how your girlfriend's father is doing when he's incarcerated.

    ReplyDelete