THE DREAM OF A MILLION GIRLS WHO ARE MORE THAN PRETTY CAN COME TRUE IN . . . NASHVILLE? Miss America apparently lives to fight another day. Viacom's CMT -- also known as Country Music Television in, I gather, much of the same way that The Game Show Network has become GSN -- has signed an agreement to air the Miss America Pageant through 2007, with options to extend through 2011.

Apparently the pageant will air in January rather than the customary September, which seems not to bode so well for the traditional Atlantic City pageant site. As the producers of any reality TV show are well aware, cold weather is not the appropriate setting for girls in bikinis.

What changes do you expect to see in this most venerable of American institutions? For one thing, I don't think we'll have to sit through a performance by O-Town.

NO CLASS: Okay, I'm in my hotel room preparing for tomorrow's hearings (background), but I just saw an ad on tv that I need to report on and register my offense.

Here's goes: the featured new revue at the King's Dominion amusement park this summer? The School of Rock: LIVE! Only, um, based on the ad (and the pictures on the website), there aren't any actual children involved in the production, just the fact that Paramount both produced the film and owns the park. So, in other words, this "school of rock" has as much to do with the film (let alone, the real school of rock) as a day at "King's Dominion" has to do with celebrating the sovereignty of the Lord. . . .

WE'RE IN THE CITY WHERE THE PROS SHAKE, RATTLE AND ROLL, AND I'M A GADDANG ROLLING STONE: The Live8 lineup continues to shape up, and Philadelphia's best band is being dissed in favor of "Kaiser Chiefs", whoever they are. Argh:

As for the Philadelphia hip-hop collective, Roots spokesman Shawn Gee said the band had sought a Live 8 slot and been told they weren't right for the show, then declined the role of backup band for Jay-Z.

NOT RIGHT FOR THE SHOW? C'mon, dog. And Fitty is? They found room for England's most famous nine-armed band, but they can't squeeze in ?uestlove. Bogus.

I WONDER IF BATTLEFIELD EARTH IS PART OF THE CURRICULUM: From the unending sea of press on the unraveling of Tom Cruise, two interesting articles on Cruise's latest dustup with Matt Lauer on Friday. And it shouldn't be surprising that the New York Times and Fox News are disagreeing with one another.

Alessandra Stanley of the Times writes that Cruise was "bracing and bold" and that he "outdebated" Lauer. Fox's Roger Friedman, on the other hand, praises Lauer for maintaining his cool as Cruise fell apart.

Friedman also mentioned -- and I haven't been able to find anything confirming this -- that Cruise and Nicole Kidman's adopted children are now apparently home-schooled (with an emphasis on the works of L. Ron Hubbard, naturally) by two of Cruise's sisters, who converted to Scientology at his insistence. (If this is accurate, I'm just wondering what Nicole Kidman thinks of all this.)

AN UNSWEET 16: I spent the afternoon under the shadow of Mount Davis at the Oakland Coliseum to see, really, the most lopsided game I've ever attended. Even worse than this hideousness.

I did, at least, have a pint of Longboard Lager from the Kona Brewing Company.

BY LAW, THIS POST MUST REMIND YOU THAT HE WAS, INDEED, AN IVY LEAGUE GRADUATE: Beloved-if-less-than-exceptional former Phillies centerfielder and EverQuest junkie Doug Glanville, a/k/a Jayson Stark's favorite source, yesterday signed a one-day contract to retire as a Phillie. A front office job may be forthcoming.

PUT A TIGER IN YOUR CASKET: First Tony the Tiger and now Tigger. I hope Hobbes has his estate in order.