Saturday, October 30, 2004

CHOW-DAH! SAY IT! CHOW-DAH! When Lenny Bruce took the stage for the first time after the JFK assassination, no one knew what he'd start with. He delivered one immortal sentence: "Man, Vaughn Meader is screwed!" Meader had won the 1962 Album of the Year and Best Comedy Performance Grammys for his album "The First Family," which rested on his uncanny impressions of JFK and RFK. (He was defeated in the Best New Artist category by Robert Goulet.) While Meader later referred to November 22, 1963 as "the day I died," Meader died on Friday. The NY Times has a remembrance, which Ann Althouse graciously points us. Without Meader, we wouldn't have Diamond Joe Quimby, and that's reason enough to remember him.

Friday, October 29, 2004

CURSES, FOILED AGAIN: More evidence, this time from ESPN, that the Cubs are the most-cursed team. In a weighted look at the 54-most cursed franchises (taking into account many factors), the Cubs and White Sox finished one-two, followed by the Browns, Eagles, and Indians.
NINETY-SIX YEARS AND COUNTING: SI makes it official, we Cubs fans have taken over the title of longest-suffering idiots now that the BoSox have won it all. Others on the list of the five most die-hard fans are fans of the Toronto Maple Leafs, Buffalo Bills, Clevelands teams, and the Texas Longhorns. Nary a mention of Philly's wildly successful teams on the list.

And speaking of the Sox, coming in the same year as a Pats Super Bowl and NFL-record winning streak, if Kerry wins Tuesday (and the fact that it is an if and not a when makes sob uncontrollably), you've got to reach to find another city having as good a year as old Beantown. Hell, even the Celtics and Bruins made the playoffs last spring and Mystic River won two Oscars. And say what you will about Ben Affleck, but he rebounds nicely.
PIECES OF MY CAREER: Two days before the Presidential election, and "60 Minutes" is blowing the lid off of something critically important--Ashlee-gate! Yep, "60 Minutes" has the backstage footage in which we'll know what really happened, and Lorne Michaels attempting to claim that no one has ever used the lip-sync technology before. We'll also get a look behind the scenes of "SNL," and maybe even figure out why it so frequently sucks.
BEYOND THE MASH: MSNBC scares up a list of Tunes to Trick or Treat by including the omnipresent "graveyard smash."
I AM THE WALRUS: In a spirit of generosity, I introduce you to my comrade The Eggman, who's finally decided to start his own blog rather than pester me to blog about the subjects he wishes to blog about. Check it out.

Thursday, October 28, 2004

WHAT, NO MADONNA 'AMERICAN PIE'? The Guardian U.K. attempts to list the ten worst cover songs of all time. It's Britocentric, but should inspire some response in the Comments nevertheless.
GEORGE, THE TRIBE HAS SPOKEN: According to Jeff Probst, George W. Bush would be a more successful "Survivor" contestant than John Kerry, because he "has that redneck charm down, and, on our show, that might well win it for him." That said, Peachy's voting for Kerry. But wouldn't that be a much more interesting way of resolving the election--stick them on an island and see who survives longer?
WORTH COMING OUT OF HIBERNATION FOR: Please, people, amid all the gloating and reverie on Kenmore Square, let's not forget this: since 1984, Boston's three major sports teams* have now won two Super Bowls, two NBA titles and one World Series, with five other trips to league championship series during the twenty-year span. That's an average of one trip to the finals every-other-year.

During that same period, Philadelphia's three major sports teams have won zero titles and competed in only three league championship series. Philadelphia Phillies fans waited from 1883 to 1980 to see the team's first baseball title, a decade longer than a mere 86-year hex, and the franchise has lost more games -- 9805 -- than any other in professional sports history.

Boston fans are greedy. Let's talk about who's really cursed.

(* Hockey is no longer a major sport in the U.S. Sorry. Even if it were, it doesn't help.)

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

SO, DOES THIS CONFIRM REVERSAL OF THE CURSE: OK, I'm happy with the Sox winning tonight, but what was with these two bits of inexplicable Fox-ness?

1. Cutting to Jimmy Fallon and Drew Barrymore kissing (apparently as part of "Fever Pitch" filming).

2. The reference to "all those Red Sox fans in Baghdad?" Yes, we're spreading democracy and baseball in the Mideast.
NO SYRIAN DWARVES; NO TEAM GIB: Contestants for the Official Television Show of ALOTTFMA are up on the CBS website. The usual suspects are there -- dating, formerly dating, parents and children. There's always one oddball team (ex-military hippies; the team with the unfunny guy who looks freakishly like Woody Allen; identical twin models who dress alike; a can-do fundamentalist Syrian dwarf and her insufferable cousin), and this year it's the married leathery pro wrestlers. Also: the worst Mormons in the world.
SO DO I MAKE THE CHECK OUT TO VOTE OR DIE: Yes, for only $2,004 dollars (current opening bid), you can spend Election Day with P. Diddy as he works to remind people to "VOTE OR DIE" in his effort "to make voting hot, sexy and relevant to a generation that hasn't reached full participation in the political process." (That's actually the mission statement.) No word on what happens if you fail to vote because you're helping P. Diddy or what happens if you prevent P. Diddy from voting. I assume death would be the consequence. Of course, this is at least marginally better than Paris Hilton's involvement in the campaign. Can someone prevent her from voting so we can just skip to the second part?

Links stolen from Wonkette and Low Culture. For the record, I concieved of the Paris Hilton/Vote or Die joke before seeing it over on LC--I promise.

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

SOMEWHERE OVER THE GREEN MONSTER: Because Catalexis's comment a few posts down made me think of it, here's a tale-of-the-tape comparison between the Red Sox and The Wizard of Oz:

Wizard of Oz: Ruby slippers
Red Sox: Red socks

Cursed by:
Wizard of Oz: Wicked Witch of the West
Red Sox: Bambino

Not the man for the job:
Wizard of Oz: The Great and Powerful Oz
Red Sox: Grady Little

Swings heavy timber:
Wizard of Oz: Tin Woodman
Red Sox: David Ortiz

Watch high with:
Wizard of Oz: Dark Side of the Moon
Red Sox: The Wall (for the Green Monster)

Watch out for:
Wizard of Oz: Flying monkeys; opium poppies
Red Sox: Middle of Cards lineup; nonlethal bullets

Gay icon:
Wizard of Oz: Judy Garland
Red Sox: Johnny Damon

Could be improved by:
Wizard of Oz: Beating the crap out of Tim McCarver
Red Sox: Beating the crap out of Tim McCarver
A BEAUTIFUL MARSHALL: Eminem's new song, "Mosh", riles up the Shady Nation to commit a deeply rebellious act: voting:
Let the president answer our anarchy
Strap him with an AK-47, let him go fight his own war
Let him impress daddy that way
No more blood for oil, we got our own battles to fight on our own soil
No more psychological warfare to trick us to thinkin' that we ain't loyal
If we don't serve our own country - we're patronizing our heroes
Look in his eyes, it's all lies
The stars and stripes, they've been swiped, washed out, and wiped
And replaced with his own face - mosh now or die
If I get snagged tonight, you'll know why - 'cause I told you to fight . . .

And as we proceed to mosh through this desert storm
In these closing statements, if they should argue, let us beg to differ
As we set aside our differences, and assemble our own army
To disarm this weapon of mass destruction that we call our president for the present
And mosh for the future of our next generation
To speak and be heard - Mr. President - Mr. Senator!

You can watch the video via this link.

Is this the October Surprise that will shift the election?
THE KING IS DEAD...: But he's still very, very rich, topping Forbes list of the Top 20 Wealthy but Expired Celebs. Elvis earned $40 million from his Graceland grave in the past year, topping Charles Schultz, JRR Tolkien, John Lennon, and Dr. Seuss. None among the most recently departed made the list (Schultz and George Harrison are the most recent dead), but you can vote at the Forbes site for whom among Marlon Brando, Ray Charles, Rick James, Estée Lauder, and Christopher Reeve may make the list in the future.
WHAT ABOUT LEARNING THE ROPES? So where does Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban's failed reality show The Benefactor rank on the list of the top 10 sports to entertainment flops? According to SI, right between The Magic Hour and Eric Dickerson on MNF.
GOTTA BLAME IT ON SOMETHING: First she blamed it on the band, but now Ashlee Simpson is saying acid reflux is to blame for her lip-syncing imbroglio.

Yet to be blamed: Canada, Rio, or the Rain.

Monday, October 25, 2004

FOR THOSE WATCHING THE SERIES WITH THE SOUND OFF: If you are like me, you are wondering why Alan Thicke is doing color commentary on the World Series. Oh, wait -- that's just Tim McCarver, one of the worst sports announcers on television.

By the way, Thicke will always hold a place in my heart for telling Kirk Cameron, balking at a scene on his television show, that "if Growing Pains is too blue for you, maybe you should think about getting out of commercial television." (If I remember right).
TRUTH IN HEADLINES: Google's news summary gets right to the point in a story about the Great Dave Matthews Feces Bath Incident.

Link via Gawker.

Sunday, October 24, 2004

BEYOND KEYSHAWN: Is it just me, or is there an unusually high number of NFL wide receivers this year with uniform numbers in the teens?
GIRL, YOU KNOW IT'S TRUE: You may have read about this already, and now you can watch it online: Ashlee Simpson, performing "live" on SNL, except the lip-synch machine cues up the wrong song for her to "sing". Watch chaos ensue, and false explanations emanate.