JUST ADD SEAL: With news that Act of Valor, the motion picture starring active duty US Navy SEALs, will be the big winner at this weekend's box office, a few thoughts on how recent movies could be improved with the addition of SEALs.

• New Year's Eve--Ashton Kutcher and Lea Michele's characters are trapped in an elevator. Real, active duty Navy SEALs storm the elevator in an effort to free them, but Kutcher and Michele are accidentally killed in the process. The losses are deemed "acceptable."
• Star Wars: Episode One--The Empire sends in active duty Navy SEALs to wipe out the Gungans. This is greeted with applause from the entire audience.
  
• The Grey--Active duty Navy SEALs punch a bunch of wolves in the face.
• Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked--Active duty Navy SEALs are sent in on a rescue mission when the Chipmunks and Chipettes are stranded on an island. Theodore is tragically killed in the crossfire. Again, losses are deemed acceptable.
• The Vow--After a head injury, Rachel McAdams begins to believe she is an active duty Navy SEAL. Actual active duty Navy SEALs disabuse her of this notion. Channing Tatum also takes off his shirt for no apparent reason.
  

OH WON'T YOU PLEASE TAKE ME HOME:  The WaPo's Chris Richards attended a "Guns N'Roses" (i.e., "Axl and Friends") concert late Thursday night, and he did not care for it:

To call it a train wreck wouldn’t be right. Train wrecks are fast and violent. This was like being stuck in gridlock traffic behind a garbage truck in August.... Rose has surrounded himself with sloppy, unimaginative players who make him sound dated, safe and sexless. They had no command of pace or rhythm Friday. Drum fills were dashed off. Guitar leads were hurried. And anytime Rose left the stage for one of the dozens of breathers he took throughout the set, the band would wander off into instrumental dead zones, as if trying to discover the intersection of pathetic and insulting.

THE VEST MOVE:  I may have barely paid attention to American Idol this season, but one sure way to bring me back is with the Wacky Dancing Montage of the Final 24. For those who have been paying attention, do we have any favorites yet -- either in terms of "this is who you should like" or "this is who's going to win"?

(Fienberg galleries the gentlemen and ladies in the running for America's Next Not Sexually Threatening White Guy Who May Play Guitar.)

More importantly, let's go to the archives for the Wacky Dancing Montages of  Season 7 -- Battle of the Davids, Season 5 -- The One With That Woman Who's On That Show Now, and the 1st, 2nd (perhaps our favorite semis week ever), and 3rd groups of 12 from season 8, The One With The Lambert. Many, many former semifinalists whom you've totally forgotten about over the intervening years.  Enjoy.

I AIN'T SEEN NOTHING LIKE HIM:  R.I.P. Chicago's Steve Kordek, 100, whose pinball innovations include the two-flipper pinball machine (1948), drop target (1962), and multiball mode (1963).  As he explained to the Trib in 2009, "The secret to designing a good game is to attract the player, What attracts a player, first, is the pictures on the backglass of the game. Second, if what he sees on the play field is different, that's a success. And when the features are so exciting that he wants to put more money in it, you've got him."

I DON'T WANT MY DAUGHTERS GROWING UP ENTITLED AND SPOILED. AND I AGREE WITH MY FATHER--YOU GIVE YOUR CHILDREN ENOUGH MONEY TO DO SOMETHING, BUT NOT ENOUGH TO DO NOTHING:  As we round the corner into Sunday night's low-hype, low-suspense Academy Awards, is there anything you're hoping to see on Sunday?  Any viable surprises that would delight you?  Any level of expectation for Billy Crystal's hosting?  And are there odds on Crystal's singing the name of The Artist's director's name to the tune of "Hava Nagila"?

I'd like to see The Descendants nibble away at The Artist's expected romp -- George Clooney and Dean Pelton, especially. As I've said before, The Artist is a nice movie -- but it does not deserve to dominate the evening.

Also, FYI: I believe wagering is off on the Necrology Applause-O-Meter this year; despite the sad news of two Saturdays ago, it's still Elizabeth Taylor (assuming she doesn't receive a separate tribute), right?  And I believe that Twitter has eliminated the need for us to establish a Cover-It-Live window here, though we'll set up a live comment thread as always.

PAGING ELAINE BENES: The Coroner for Australia's Northern Territory has opened a fourth inquest into determining whether the dingo ate the baby.

TAKEN BY A ONE-EYED PIRATE: Time for an installment of America's seventeenth most popular game show--Harlequin Romance New Release, Or Something I Just Made Up?

1. Colorado Fireman


2. Smoky Mountain Danger


3. Blame It On The Bachelor


4. The Last Bachelor


5. A Touch of Persuasion


6. His Gentle Embrace


7. Lady Folbroke's Delicious Deception


8. Lord Bentley's Dangerous Desire


9. The Rake and the Heiress


10. The Lord and the Maid


11. Forever Claimed


12. Eternally Yours


13. Trouble in a Pinstripe Suit


14. Seduced by a Starched Shirt


15. Cupcakes and Killer Heels


16. Sushi and Stilletos


17. Operation Midnight


18. Mission: Man


19. The Paternity Proposition


20. The Bedroom Proposal

Good luck! (For answers, check here.)