YOU GET HOYNES:  It's hard to think of a Previously.tv King of Disparate TV Things battle closer to this site's sweet spot than Carter and Lucy Get Stabbed vs. God the Feckless Thug.

SPOILER:  BETH DIES:  From the "not making this up" desk--the CW is working on a pilot for a "hyper-stylized, gritty adaptation" of Little Women, produced by NCIS star Michael Weatherly, and set in a dysptopic Philadelphia.

OLD BAY OR NOTHING:  New Lay's potato chip flavors on the market include New York Reuben, Kettle Cooked Greektown Gyro, Wavy West Coast Truffle Fries and Southern Biscuits and Gravy:

There wasn’t a lard to love about the Southern Biscuits and Gravy. 

“If I had my eyes closed — which I always do in order to fully enjoy my biscuits and gravy — I would think these were merely herbed potato chips,” one scribe noted, of the chip loaded with rosemary flavoring. 

“It tastes like Paula Deen’s armpit,” sneered another reporter. 

Next up were the West Coast Truffle Fries. These chips packed the most crunch with the ridged exterior. 

“These are tasty, but you’ll need a breath mint after,” commented a reporter.

DON'T YOU CARRY NOTHIN' THAT MIGHT BE A LOAD:  NBC's The Wiz: Live! will feature Mary J. Blige as Evillene and (more interestingly) Queen Latifah as The Wiz (a role typically played by a man).

WHATEVER IT IS, THEY DON'T TEACH IT IN LAW SCHOOL:  Via Marsha, a Maryland appellate judge has cited to The Wire in a decision to explain why notes aren't always taken detailing the inner workings of criminal enterprises.

BEFORE YOU CAN BUY, YOU MUST PURIFY YOURSELF IN LAKE MINNETONKA:  The house "The Kid" lived in in Purple Rain is up for sale.

SUPERTASTERS' REVENGE:  An outbreak of a parasite in Texas has been traced to cilantro.