FINDING A "NATIONAL TREASURE:" So is the new Bruckheimer/Cage vehicle "National Treasure" a good movie? No, not really. It's utterly formulaic. We have the intrepid hero (Cage), his doubting father (Jon Voight), the plucky sidekick ("Gigli" refugee Justin Bartha), the love interest/plucky female with critical skills/information (Diane Kruger), the competing treasure hunter (Sean Bean), and the misguided, yet ultimately well-meaning, FBI agent chasing them all (Harvey Keitel). The premise has been beaten to death in promos, so I won't recount here, but it is what it is, and, for what it is, it's entertaining, and Kruger, as a plucky National Archives historian, gets a part that may do for her what Sandra Bullock's part in "Speed" did for her.

I'm sure Adam and Kingsley will have high fun with this one, though, given that there's a lengthy chase sequence through the streets and rooftops of Philadelphia which is assuredly riddled with both geographical inaccuracies and "Hey, it's that place!" moments. Heck, even I wondered how Kruger and Bartha managed to get from Independence Hall to the 9th Street Italian Market in mere seconds on foot.

For those looking for a more intellectual variant on this (and similar works/crazes like "The Da Vinci Code"), check out The Eight, which weaves together the French Revolution, the late 70s oil crisis, and a mystical chess set into a coherent story with one "Holy crap!" reveal 2/3 of the way through the book.

MALICE AT THE PALACE: For those interested in seeing video of the Ron Artest-led Pistons/Pacers/fan brawl from Auburn Hills last night, click here.

It's one of the ugliest such incidents I've ever seen. Artest has some mental health issues that need addressing, and maybe this will force him to do so.

And yet again, another town's sports fans behave worse than Philadelphia's, but we're the only ones with a reputation.

(Also, I didn't notice, but did Darko Milicic even get off the bench for this?)

YES, VIRGINIA, THERE IS AN AIRBORNE SCROTUM: Saw The Polar Express in IMAX 3D this evening. I really don't have much positive to say about the film--it's a narrative mess with utterly unnecessary sequences including a couple of "roller coaster" sequences inserted just for the visual purposes and a musical performance from Steven Tyler. However, the visual, in IMAX 3D, is absolutely spectacular. The images, which seem flat in TV ads or in a normal 35 mm trailer, jump out of the screen (literally), and decrease the "creepy artificial" issue that has oft been remarked on.

The film nails Van Allsburg's illustration style, at least when there aren't people on screen, and the film looks great. However, Zemeckis should have learned in making Who Framed Roger Rabbit? a lesson he hasn't--the screenplay should drive the technology, not vice versa. Here, it seems like they came up with the technology and the look and then tried to stretch Van Allsburg's short and touching story into something far longer. I think the film might have worked better as a short, just telling the heart of the book rather than the ridiculous plot contrivances that have been introduced.

And yes, while I wouldn't have noticed it before reading the review, Santa's sack does look suspiciously like an airborne scrotum.

UMA BOSHI: I haven't been blogging about America's Next Top Model (After The First Two We Chose) this season because I've been playing the catch-up game for a bit, but, golly, for those who are watching, it's quite a treat. Again. Miss Tyra continues to rock the house (please, please, by 2006 let her and Trump switch shows), and the competition is fun and fierce.

If you can, check out this week's episode, which re-airs on UPN tonight at 9p. It features two of the hardest challenges you'll ever see in a reality show, far more difficult than the Phillipine cliff-rope-climb on TAR5 or a Survivor hands-on-the-idol challenge. Trust me. It's good tv.

THE COPS' FIRST CALL WAS TO THE BUTTERBALL HOTLINE: Or perhaps it should have been in this case involving "turkey hurling." Interestingly, Butterball now calls it the "Butterball Turkey Talk-Line." Of course, there have been more memorable calls to the Hotline in the past.

THE FIRST STEP IS ADMITTING YOU HAVE A PROBLEM: So, I'm reviewing an escrow agreement at the office is the morning, and somehow, I can't resist constantly thinking that "I'm in Es-ca-row!" (Note: I suspect this joke will make no sense to much of our audience even after the link, but that's OK.)

GIVE THE PEOPLE WHAT THEY WANT: With so many of you coming here hoping to find a link to the Nicolette Sheridan and Terrell Owens Monday Night Football towel dropping clip, I figured I might as well deliver. Enjoy.