WHO WANTS TO GET CHOKED, HAVE A CHAIR THROWN AT HIM AND VERBALLY ABUSED? Move over Donald Trump -- you're no longer hte biggest a--hole to be hosting a Who Wants To Work For Me? reality show. Welcome Bobby Knight to the genre, though I bet Tyra Banks could kick his ass in a streetfight.

SO, YOU THINK YOU'RE BETTER THAN SAGET: The makers of (the very funny) The Aristocrats have a challenge for you. You now know the joke (and, if you've seen the movie, as you should, several variations on and reversals of the joke), so tell it. The top live action and non-live action "tells" will be forever ensconced on the forthcoming DVD. You must keep it to ten minutes or less, and make it funny. Get to it!

TIME TO TEACH YOU A LESSON: It's Friday night, late summer, and there's really no excuse--it's time to take advantage of the joy of Fox's Arrested Development Friday marathons. Experience the joy of Lucille's "Rape Horn," Dr. Funke's 100% Natural Good Time Family Band Solution, the true evidence of WMD's in Iraq, and perhaps the weirdest love triangle in all of television--George Michael, Maeby, and Ann. Catch up before it very nicely fills the entertainment void that is Monday television next season.

Even better--if you're a cheapskate and don't want to shell out for the Season 1 DVD's, Fox 5 New York is airing the entire first season in a "mini-marathon" of two episodes per night for two weeks at midnight starting next Monday (the 15th).

BASEBALL IS NINETY PERCENT MENTAL. THE OTHER HALF IS PHYSICAL: Nice compilation of quotes on ESPN.com of players expressing desire to give 110, 120, 180, even 200 percent effort in their games. My favorite, from former Bear Richard Dent in 1994: "A lot of guys play 110 percent, and that's fine. But then there's another 60-70 percent that's mental. Now you've got 180 percent, so what do you do?"

OOOOOOO-O-O-O-O, OOOOOOOO-O-O-O-O: The NCAA has banned teams with American Indian Mascots from playing in the postseason.

THE ONE AWARDS SHOW THAT WILL NOT FEATURE JESSICA SIMPSON: Quill Award nominations (kinda like the People's Choice Awards for books) are out. Some winners are no-brainers, like Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince winning "Children's Chapter Book." Oddly, Half-Blood Prince doesn't get to compete in the big "General Fiction" category, which would pit it against a range of books from Nick Hornby to Philip Roth, or in the "SciFi/Fantasy/Horror" category, which would seem to be a veritable sure thing (at least among litcrit types) for Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell. Other nominees include Jim Wallis' God's Politics, Anne Lamott's Plan B (both of which had better stomp Joel Osteen's Your Best Life Now in the religion category), French Women Don't Get Fat, He's Just Not That Into You, and America: The Book by Jon Stewart. My favorite "literary" novel of last year (Jodi Picoult's My Sister's Keeper) didn't get nomintated, but for the most part, it's pretty solid stuff.

THAT'S FOURTEEN FEET, SEVEN INCHES OF FIGHT: Via Bill Simmons, read about the tallest training camp brawl in NBA history.