I QUIT QUITTING: A pampered professional athlete with a history of drug and alcohol abuse annually threatens to quit the team as a way of getting management (and fans) to give him the respect he imagines he deserves, long into the inevitable decline of his skills. When, after yet another of these charades, the team says it will welcome him back as a backup but not as a starter, he turns petulant and demands an immediate release from his lucrative contract (which has three years left on it, though the front-loaded bonus and guaranteed early years have already been paid) so that he can play for the team's principal rival. A national columnist that likes to laud a gritty team-first attitude duly chastises the immature superstar.
Oh, wait, that's not what happened. Instead, Peter King says that Green Bay's GM "mishandled [the] entire affair" and that Favre is actually being a great guy by demanding his release because he doesn't want to stand in the way of his former backup.
Honestly, sometimes I don't understand you white people.
Saturday, July 12, 2008
YOU'RE IN LOVE. HAVE A BEER: Sound advice, and all the more persuasive when it comes from a bright red Ron Perlman in 70lbs of latex demon suit, sporting a hairdo that’s half sumo wrestler and half renegade motorcycle gang, wielding a silver six-pack of product-placed Tecate like on old hand at inebriate front porch philosophizing. It’s all the more amusing in a summer blockbuster when the ensuing sing-along is interrupted by a stabby, malevolent elf ninja.
Yes, in case you had not noticed the theme currently playing at full volume on the Summer Movie Hypetrolux 9000, know now that Hellboy II opened in theaters yesterday. And while we have a “trust, but verify” approach to the Hypetrolux around here, even with films we’re predisposed to love, like this one, and while we expect that it was really just shaking of the rust and limbering up for the long Dark Knight of hyping that is in store this coming week, we are pleased to report that for Hellboy II you can, mostly, believe the hype.
Hype has been focused primarily (and justly) on director Guillermo del Toro and Hellboy Ron Perlman. There has also been much mention of the purported “environmental” bent of the film, but mostly to the effect that you shouldn’t worry about it being such a preachy downer of a tale that the dying oceans or accelerated extinction of the world’s bird species winds up ruining the simple joy of doing battle with an army of monsters who’ve finally rebelled against the evolving disorder of things. Here, it suffices to say that this theme does exist, and provides for one truly stunning and beautiful CGI sequence in which a forest elemental is vanquished on a non-existent street corner in Brooklyn.
Depending on your age and inclinations, your earliest memories of Perlman may be as cat-faced Vincent, opposite Linda Hamilton the late-80s romantasy series Beauty and The Beast, or as the hunchbacked heretic Salvatore from the Sean Connerized / Christian Slaterated movie version of Umberto Eco’s The Name of the Rose. In this house, we remember him first and always as nose-picking Zeno from The Ice Pirates (1984, feat. Robert Urich, Angelica Houston, John Matuszak, John Carradine and Bruce Vilanch, for crying out loud). Zeno’s paradox? Perlman was permitted to reprise the role in Alien: Resurrection.
The hype around Perlman is that Hellboy is the role he was born to play and that he’s amazing in it despite being 105 years old. This is half right. He’s damn good as Hellboy, and only 58, but he has brought charisma and intensity to many, many characters over the years, in small projects and large, good films and stinkers, and it feels unfair to endorse hype (even high praise) that ties him to this single role in any limiting fashion. Besides, he seemed like he might have had more fun playing Hellboy the first time around. Perhaps because expectations weren’t quite as high?
Speaking of high expectations, hypewise, Guillermo del Toro emerged into the limelight in 2006 with the richly deserved success of Pan’s Labyrinth. The Hypetrolux has since been attaching words like “visionary” and “spellbinding” too his name at every opportunity, often willfully ignoring his pulpy work on Blade II — including the frank and mirthful director’s commentary he provides on the DVD version. (If you like the genre, and director’s commentaries, this is a can’t miss.) He seems to have endorsed the refrain in numerous Hellboy II reviews that his work has straddled a divide between “personal” dramas with elements of the supernatural or occult (Cronos, Devil’s Backbone, Pan’s Labyrinth), and “Hollywood” action / horror films (Mimic, Blade II, Hellboy). The Ebert reviews for all of these are linked from his discussion of Pan’s Labyrinth, linked above, and he does loving justice to the both high and the low work from the list. Hellboy II reviews often end by suggesting that Hellboy II is the first film for which Hollywood trusted in the promise of profit from fully indulging del Toro’s creative eccentricities. Probably dead on, seeing as he’s been tapped for The Hobbit, but if you’re going to trust that potential why cram three hours of ideas into a two hour movie?
There was a lot of fun in Hellboy II, but it was at its worst when it was moving too quickly between boldly conceived premises that could have been enjoyably explored in much, much more detail. Don’t let that stop you. It’s a faint criticism of a thrill-ride PG-13 blockbuster, for sure, and a strong indication of how quickly we’ll go looking for any box set that includes a director’s cut.
Yes, in case you had not noticed the theme currently playing at full volume on the Summer Movie Hypetrolux 9000, know now that Hellboy II opened in theaters yesterday. And while we have a “trust, but verify” approach to the Hypetrolux around here, even with films we’re predisposed to love, like this one, and while we expect that it was really just shaking of the rust and limbering up for the long Dark Knight of hyping that is in store this coming week, we are pleased to report that for Hellboy II you can, mostly, believe the hype.
Hype has been focused primarily (and justly) on director Guillermo del Toro and Hellboy Ron Perlman. There has also been much mention of the purported “environmental” bent of the film, but mostly to the effect that you shouldn’t worry about it being such a preachy downer of a tale that the dying oceans or accelerated extinction of the world’s bird species winds up ruining the simple joy of doing battle with an army of monsters who’ve finally rebelled against the evolving disorder of things. Here, it suffices to say that this theme does exist, and provides for one truly stunning and beautiful CGI sequence in which a forest elemental is vanquished on a non-existent street corner in Brooklyn.
Depending on your age and inclinations, your earliest memories of Perlman may be as cat-faced Vincent, opposite Linda Hamilton the late-80s romantasy series Beauty and The Beast, or as the hunchbacked heretic Salvatore from the Sean Connerized / Christian Slaterated movie version of Umberto Eco’s The Name of the Rose. In this house, we remember him first and always as nose-picking Zeno from The Ice Pirates (1984, feat. Robert Urich, Angelica Houston, John Matuszak, John Carradine and Bruce Vilanch, for crying out loud). Zeno’s paradox? Perlman was permitted to reprise the role in Alien: Resurrection.
The hype around Perlman is that Hellboy is the role he was born to play and that he’s amazing in it despite being 105 years old. This is half right. He’s damn good as Hellboy, and only 58, but he has brought charisma and intensity to many, many characters over the years, in small projects and large, good films and stinkers, and it feels unfair to endorse hype (even high praise) that ties him to this single role in any limiting fashion. Besides, he seemed like he might have had more fun playing Hellboy the first time around. Perhaps because expectations weren’t quite as high?
Speaking of high expectations, hypewise, Guillermo del Toro emerged into the limelight in 2006 with the richly deserved success of Pan’s Labyrinth. The Hypetrolux has since been attaching words like “visionary” and “spellbinding” too his name at every opportunity, often willfully ignoring his pulpy work on Blade II — including the frank and mirthful director’s commentary he provides on the DVD version. (If you like the genre, and director’s commentaries, this is a can’t miss.) He seems to have endorsed the refrain in numerous Hellboy II reviews that his work has straddled a divide between “personal” dramas with elements of the supernatural or occult (Cronos, Devil’s Backbone, Pan’s Labyrinth), and “Hollywood” action / horror films (Mimic, Blade II, Hellboy). The Ebert reviews for all of these are linked from his discussion of Pan’s Labyrinth, linked above, and he does loving justice to the both high and the low work from the list. Hellboy II reviews often end by suggesting that Hellboy II is the first film for which Hollywood trusted in the promise of profit from fully indulging del Toro’s creative eccentricities. Probably dead on, seeing as he’s been tapped for The Hobbit, but if you’re going to trust that potential why cram three hours of ideas into a two hour movie?
There was a lot of fun in Hellboy II, but it was at its worst when it was moving too quickly between boldly conceived premises that could have been enjoyably explored in much, much more detail. Don’t let that stop you. It’s a faint criticism of a thrill-ride PG-13 blockbuster, for sure, and a strong indication of how quickly we’ll go looking for any box set that includes a director’s cut.
A(GGRAVATION) T(ORMENT) & T(ORTURE): If you want a new 3G iPhone, which is the iPhone that you should have had in the first place, then maybe the AT&T store is a good place for you today. As Adam mentioned, sometimes it can be a fun communal event to wait in line for something exciting.
If you are an existing AT&T customer whose few-month-old phone/laptop modem decided to go into perma-stall on the Saturday before an out-of-town trial beginning Monday -- i.e., an event where a phone and a modem are actually important, and not just for downloading music -- the AT&T store today is your worst nightmare. I could run down the options they would give you if you were lucky enough to convince the doorman, after a half hour of telling you that you should get in line for four hours like everybody else, that you should at least be able to speak to a manager -- the best of which is to take time out of your trial prep to make the hour-long (each way) drive to the warranty service center, where they might replace the phone but will leave you without email or tethering service for the duration of the trial -- but I think I can sum it up better than that: we could give two shits about existing customers; we're busy selling iPhones to new people.
If you are an existing AT&T customer whose few-month-old phone/laptop modem decided to go into perma-stall on the Saturday before an out-of-town trial beginning Monday -- i.e., an event where a phone and a modem are actually important, and not just for downloading music -- the AT&T store today is your worst nightmare. I could run down the options they would give you if you were lucky enough to convince the doorman, after a half hour of telling you that you should get in line for four hours like everybody else, that you should at least be able to speak to a manager -- the best of which is to take time out of your trial prep to make the hour-long (each way) drive to the warranty service center, where they might replace the phone but will leave you without email or tethering service for the duration of the trial -- but I think I can sum it up better than that: we could give two shits about existing customers; we're busy selling iPhones to new people.
"TEN YEARS AGO, IT WOULD HAVE BEEN OUT OF THE QUESTION TO BASE A TV SHOW AROUND VOMIT": It sounds like a line from "30 Rock," but it's true. This Tuesday night, the G4 cable channel debuts "Hurl!", and I'm just going to the press release:
The vomit itself, apparently, will be digitally blurred. What happened to the courage of the producers' convictions? "Actually," claims an executive producer, "The show has very little to do with vomit, and everything to do with competition and camaraderie. It's like a college dare all grown up into its own TV show. It's nothing different from what fraternity boys do. ... It's more wholesome and uplifting than any dating show you'd care to make."
What is the bottom of the reality tv conceptual barrel -- the dueling torture-quiz shows? If not, it's probably something in the dating genre, whether it's Who Wants To Marry A Violent Faux-Millionaire?, "The Littlest Groom", or, of course, Monica Lewinsky's "Mr. Personality,", the masked dating show.
The competition is made up of multiple stages, beginning with an intense eating contest. Contestants are challenged to consume a massive portion of some popular All-American favorite, as quickly as they can, with items ranging from chicken pot pies to New England chowder, fish sticks, hot dogs, blueberry pie, and more. Those who devour the largest quantity and keep everything down move on to the second stage where they must face nausea-inducing physical challenges, designed to shake them up from carnival rides to belly flops off a high dive, to mechanical bull-riding. Each episode features two different cuisines and a new outrageous challenge.
The few survivors remaining who have held on to their stomachs are forced back to the food table, where they must gorge an additional serving of a surprising new menu item. In a comedic and gag-inspiring display, the remaining few desperately try to prevent themselves from getting sick. If the competition is still underway after the second round of eating, they advance to the final tie-breaker stage, heading back to the daunting physical challenge. And this time, for added pressure, the physical challenge introduces a surprise twist, making the final stage especially difficult.
The vomit itself, apparently, will be digitally blurred. What happened to the courage of the producers' convictions? "Actually," claims an executive producer, "The show has very little to do with vomit, and everything to do with competition and camaraderie. It's like a college dare all grown up into its own TV show. It's nothing different from what fraternity boys do. ... It's more wholesome and uplifting than any dating show you'd care to make."
What is the bottom of the reality tv conceptual barrel -- the dueling torture-quiz shows? If not, it's probably something in the dating genre, whether it's Who Wants To Marry A Violent Faux-Millionaire?, "The Littlest Groom", or, of course, Monica Lewinsky's "Mr. Personality,", the masked dating show.
IT LOOKS COMPLICATED, BUT THE MEN WHO DESIGNED IT MADE IT SIMPLE ENOUGH FOR WOMEN TO USE: I just bought the DVDs for the inaugural season of Mad Men (kudos to the real life Mad folks who came up with the packaging - brilliant!), and thoroughly enjoyed the first episode. It's beautifully filmed and well acted; what's more, most of the (many, many) anachronisms aren't cloying or precious, as I'd thought they had the potential to be. Anyone else trying to watch it before Season 2 begins?
Friday, July 11, 2008
COMRADE ZOMBIES: This is a music video for ANJ, a Russian rock band. I don't know Russian rock, but I do know Soviet propaganda posters and this video -- sort of the Five Year Plan for the Zombies in 28 Days Later -- is a real tribute to the artform.
YES, BUT DID JOHN STREET GET HIS? With so much of GeekAmerica lined up for their 3G iPhones today and preparing for midnight and dawn showings of The Dark Knight next week, I couldn't help but wonder: what products, events and openings have you camped out for?
I've told the story here before of my own midnight trek for Tim Burton's Batman, but I'm mostly interested in some non-film, non-Potter stories ...
I've told the story here before of my own midnight trek for Tim Burton's Batman, but I'm mostly interested in some non-film, non-Potter stories ...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)