A List Of Things Thrown Five Minutes Ago

REMEMBER, I SAID FOOLPROOF: Well, MascotMatcher 2005 got off to a 7-for-7 start in yesterday's games, so let's see what the analysis says for today:

West Region
Louisville Cardinals (#4) v. Louisiana-Lafayette Rajun Cajuns (#13): I favor the angry Acadians over the migratory songbirds. Ragin' Cajuns.

Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets (#5) v. George Washington Colonials (#12): With redcoats, they're fine. Against maize-hued garments, they're utterly befuddled, and it's too late to send for Baron von Steuben. A dollar says I'm right. Yellow Jackets.

Southeast Region
Syracuse Orange (#4) v. Vermont Catamounts (#13): The name change can't fool MascotMatcher (tm) -- it's still Dutchmen vs. felines from the land of Howard Dean. Scream all you want, kitties, but Austin is your Iowa caucus and it's not the Mainstream Media's fault. Orange.

Michigan State Spartans (#5) v. Old Dominion Monarchs (#12): The austere warriors of ancient times have selected regicide. If you know the name of the king or queen being murdered, press one. Spartans live to exercise in the nude another day, while the ODU rests with the ODB. Spartans.

Midwest Region
Southern Illinois Salukis (#7) v. St. Mary's Gaels (#10): I think that I caught Salukis from drinking bad water one time. No doubt the men of the British Isles will wisely stick to whiskey. Gaels.

East Region
Kansas Jayhawks (#3) v. Bucknell Bison (#14): Poor rebranded buffalo, Shonen Knife were right: "He's on the way to extinction / We only want what's best for him." Beware the raptor! Jayhawks.

Florida Gators (#4) v. Ohio Bobcats (#13): Here kitty, kitty. Death awaits you in the swamp! Gators.

Villanova Wildcats (#5) v. New Mexico Lobos (#12): Mister, we could use a man like Sheriff Lobo again. But it's too late for him this year; his friends are cat food. Wildcats.

Minnesota Golden Gophers (#8) v Iowa State Cyclones (#9): A storm of great magnitude, a burrowing rodent. Insert Caddyshack joke here. Cyclones.

For exhibition purposes only; please, no wagering.