MAYBE IT'S JUST ME, BUT I'D TAKE A DRUNK HICK WITH A GUN OVER A COW: After a remarkable 28-4 start in round one, Charlie Glassenberg's Mascot Matcher system went a bit more ordinary in the next round, notching just a .625 clip. What's in store for the Sweet 16, you ask?
Thursday
Duke Blue Devils vs. LSU Tigers: Even a jungle cat must yield to the prince of darkness! Duke
Texas Longhorns vs. WV Mountaineers: Back to yer stills, good ol' boys, you've been trampled in a stampede. Texas
Memphis Tigers vs. Bradley Braves: MascotMatcher has done a poor job assessing the Braves, but Memphis has a tiger in the tank. Roar! Memphis
UCLA Bruins vs. Gonzaga Bulldogs: Bear baiting hits the sweet sixteen, and the pooches come out on top. Gonzaga
Friday
Villanova Wildcats vs. BC Eagles: Our national bird will put the feral kitties to shame. BC
Florida Gators vs. Georgetown Hoyas: The McHoya Sandwich: Chomp! Florida
UConn Huskies vs. Washington Huskies: When the larger lads from the Nutmeg State meet the rotund boys from the shadow of Rainier, it's the Long Tidal River vs. Puget Sound, it's Storrs vs. Olympia, it's grunge vs. polka, it's Joe Lieberman vs. Scoop Jackson, it's Millstone vs. Hanford, it's the Cascadia Plate vs. the Moodus Noises, it's Sub Base Bangor vs. Sub Base New London, it's... tedious. UConn
Wichita St. Shockers vs. George Mason Patriots: No shock here: Wichita State has been fixed in the all-seeing eye. Those aren't ceremonial aprons, they're butcher's aprons. George Mason
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