Thursday, February 21, 2008

[YOU ARE STILL IN THE RUNNING/FOR YOUR CRIMES I SENTENCE YOU] TO [BE AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL/STAY IN THE HOUSE AND ROCK BRET'S WORLD]: Let's play America's Next Top Model Cycle 10 hopeful or Rock of Love 2 contestant (note: some descriptions apply to multiple contestants):
  • Ivy League ESL student
  • Helium-talker
  • Dead ringer for the daytime hooker from My Name is Earl
  • Female circumcision
  • Molested
  • Bronzer-fetishist
  • Unattractive punk
  • Elvira, Mistress of the Night's older non-goth sister
  • So much plastic surgery you can't tell if she's Asian or not
  • Well-rehearsed eccentric
  • Lapsed Mormon
  • Single mom
  • Voluptuous girl next door
  • Voluptuous skank
  • Stereotypical dumb blonde
  • Pretending to be bisexual
  • Anorexic
  • Cannon fodder (will be eliminated/recuse self for insufficient fawning over Tyra/Bret)
Sadly, no Spontaniouse in either house. Incidentally, this season proves once again my theory that every other cycle of ANTM (and for that matter every season of Rock of Love) features a cast of women who are not remotely attractive enough to be models. Does anybody think that Heather, Lisa, Chantal, or Jenah -- all Cycle 9 also-rans -- wouldn't instantly be the favorite among this group?

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