A List Of Things Thrown Five Minutes Ago

THE SEXLARATION OF INDEEPOUNDANCE: A day late and a pound short, a comprehensive list of double entendres and sexual innuendo in Thomas Jefferson's most famous work:

• human Events
• dissolve the Political Bands
• endowed by their Creator
• pursuit of Happiness
• laying its Foundation
• such Form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their ... Happiness
• long Train of Abuses and Usurpations
• pressing Importance
• called together ... Bodies at Places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant
• fatiguing them into Compliance with his Measures
• opposing with manly Firmness his Invasions
• returned to the People at large for their exercise
• Convulsions within
• encourage their Migrations hither
• raising the Conditions
• erected a Multitude of new Offices
• eat out their Substance
• quartering large Bodies
• enlarging its Boundaries, so as to render it at once an Example and fit Instrument
• plundered our Seas, ravaged our Coasts
• fall themselves by their Hands
• excited domestic Insurrections
• Petitioned for Redress
• Attentions to our British Bretheren
• disavow these Usurpations
• interrupt our Connections and Correspondence
• in General Congress
• appealing to the Supreme Judge of the World for the Rectitude of our Intentions
• do all other Acts and Things
• acquiesce in the Necessity, which denounces our separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of Mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace, friends [if you know what I mean]