ALOTT5MA EXPURGATION DESK: Of course there's a Kidz Bop version of Call Me Maybe, which sounds even more like a computer singing it than usual. Lyric changes to be safe for kids?
Rather than "skin was showin'," "smile showin'"
Rather than "beg and borrow and steal," "beg and borrow and feel."
Thank god nobody is going to corrupt my children with awareness of concepts like skin and stealing. In our family, we have made the decision that our children will never see skin. Spacewoman and the kids go the full bodysuit route with sunglasses over the eyeholes, but I don't like getting in and out of that thing, so I have chosen to peel all of the trashy stuff off myself. Sure it's excruciatingly painful, and sure I have chronic infection problems, and sure my formerly subdermal surfaces stick to everything when I sit down, but it's worth it to delay, even for a few years, the moment when my children lose their innocence and become aware of the body's lewdest organ.
I'm of two minds, though, about changing "steal" to "feel." On the one hand, it's useful. They learn that feeling is appropriately categorized with begging and borrowing. As in, every time a person has a feeling, that person is taking something away from somebody else. Like I am always saying, stop feeling, you selfish monsters. But I fear this formulation is just too suggestive for my children, because how does one feel? WITH ONE'S SKIN. So this reference to tactile stimulation is still going to get the song banned in the Spacehold.
That sounded more like a Verizon ad than "Call Me Maybe."
ReplyDeleteThank god nobody is going to corrupt my children with awareness of concepts like skin and stealing. In our family, we have made the decision that our children will never see skin. Spacewoman and the kids go the full bodysuit route with sunglasses over the eyeholes, but I don't like getting in and out of that thing, so I have chosen to peel all of the trashy stuff off myself. Sure it's excruciatingly painful, and sure I have chronic infection problems, and sure my formerly subdermal surfaces stick to everything when I sit down, but it's worth it to delay, even for a few years, the moment when my children lose their innocence and become aware of the body's lewdest organ.
ReplyDeleteI'm of two minds, though, about changing "steal" to "feel." On the one hand, it's useful. They learn that feeling is appropriately categorized with begging and borrowing. As in, every time a person has a feeling, that person is taking something away from somebody else. Like I am always saying, stop feeling, you selfish monsters. But I fear this formulation is just too suggestive for my children, because how does one feel? WITH ONE'S SKIN. So this reference to tactile stimulation is still going to get the song banned in the Spacehold.
The Spacemans, another family of Never Nudes.
ReplyDeleteAlso, who are these weird kids and Matt, how do you know about them?