THE TRIUMPH OF STARBUCKS MUSIC: Congratulations to Norah Jones for winning all them Grammys last night, but such an event comes with certain consequences, like my Eleven Points of Snark:
1. Jones' Come Away With Me is Perfectly Acceptable Music, but there's nothing special about it. It sets a nice mood and all, but it's basically the kind of music you can (and probably do) hear as background music at a Starbucks. Jones' award represents the continuing dominance of Adult Alternative Music at the Grammys -- the XPNification, for Philadelphians -- as Jones' wins follow the O Brother soundtrack, Steely Dan, Santana, Lauryn Hill, Tony Bennett, Bob Dylan, Celine Dion and The Bodyguard soundtrack as recent Best Album winners -- all fitting within the genre of Music That Middle Aged White People Don't Find Threatening (Or Too Loud).
Indeed, Alanis Morrissette's Jagged Little Pill (remember her?) win in 1996 for Best Album is really the only contemporary rockin' album to win since The Joshua Tree in 1988, a span of 15 years of latte music that also, while I'm high on the horse, included that Natalie/Nat King Cole album and Quincy Jones' Back on the Block, an album about as memorable and important as Snow's followup to Informer.
2. And let's not forget the Best New Artist curse. Jones now joins a select club including Lauryn Hill, Paula Cole, Hootie and the Blowfish, Arrested Development, Marc Cohn and Jody Watley -- enduring artists, all.
3. Or, as Entertainment Weekly puts it, "Terribly sincere and terribly overrewarded, Jones became the Grammys' Christopher Cross for the new millennium -- a talented artist over-Grammied too early in her career."
4. Note to Dustin Hoffman: "Springstreet"?
5. I actually liked the heavy-on-the-performances, light-on-the-awards structure of the show. And it was great seeing Paul and Artie again, and the Clash tribute was appropriately stompin' (but no Jam Master Jay tribute?), plus we got to see the most excellent Roots band backing Emimen on "Lose Yourself" -- even if the song wasn't on the album for which Mr. Mathers was nominated.
6. In case you were wondering about the "Free Yayo" t-shirt Eminem was wearing, read on.
7. They couldn't have set up the awards so that BRUUUUUUCE! could've won one on-air, so that he could've testified for a minute? C'mon.
8. At least West Philly's Solomon Burke, The King of Rock and Soul, won his first Grammy for Best Contemporary Blues Album at the age of 62. No word on how many of his 21 children or 63 grandchildren attended.
9. So India.Arie won for "Best Urban/Alternative Performance". What is that, exactly? I asked Jen, and she said "isn't that just another way of saying 'the suburbs'?".
10. Did you know that Sheryl Crow has now won Best Rock Vocal Performance Female three of the last four years. Can you remember anything about "Steve McQueen", "There Goes The Neighborhood" or her cover of "Sweet Child O'Mine"? That before Springsteen winning for "The Rising", Lenny Kravitz had won four straight Best Rock Male Grammys for, well, you know, Lenny Kravitz music.
11. A reminder -- nominations for accused child molester R. Kelly: one. Thankfully, he lost. Combined nominations for Wilco, Thicke, the White Stripes, Strokes, Hives, Vines and the Roots: zero.
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