Monday, March 24, 2003

BEST DRESSED -- LUIS RESTO: Ten things I Think I Think about the Oscars last night:

1. Start with the mea culpa: I was 100% wrong on my Best Documentary Prediction. They indeed did go with the Gun Movie over The Holocaust Movie, which now leads me to revise Bonin's Theorem of Documentary Winners. The new rule:
The Holocaust Movie always wins, unless there is a Serious Holocaust Movie with significant nominations in other categories. In that case, the Academy will reflect its social conscience by bestowing numerous awards on the fictional representation instead.

The revised theorem obviously covers this year's awards, but it also fits the 1994 Awards, in which Schindler's List won seven awards and I Am A Promise: The Children of Stanton Elementary School took Best Documentary, not a Holocaust film. Life Is Beautiful, I'll argue, wasn't serious.

2. And I also blew the anti-Predictions, but only because Frida did win Best Score. Other than that, it was a sweep.

3. As for the show itself, yawn. Pacing was awkward, with filmed bits ending segments rather than serving as bridges during segments. They held up the Tribute To Former Winners until 11:30p eastern, and it seemed to really deaden the mood. (At least it explained why Mary Steenburgen got a good seat. Who knew?)

4. Speaking of which, who decided last night would be Where Are They Now night? With past winners Geena Davis, Mira Sorvino, Marcia Gay Harden and Hillary Swank all presenting awards, one could only wonder: are Mercedes Ruehl and Anna Paquin really pissed at their agents this morning?

5. One of my basic Oscar complaints reared its head again: don't waste the viewers' time with performances of songs that no one knows, but do spend a little time to show clips from each nominated acting performance. That they did not was galling, and diminished viewers' ability to appreciate those performances they had not seen. Do people who hadn't seen Adaptation have any idea why Chris Cooper won?

6. But if you're going to perform the songs, make sure to perform the song that won. Like, duh. I had an idea on how to do that in Em's absence.

7. Steve Martin did not acquit himself well. Just the wrong tone for the evening, and I can't even point to specific lines as to why. It just didn't work for me or the others watching with me. Too glib, and just not funny enough, though Tom Shales disagrees. Next year, let Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson host.

8. There were, as I counted them, three Moments of Genuine Excitement during last night's ceremony: the Adrien Brody and Roman Polanski wins for The Pianist (okay, I guess I'll see it now), and the interval between the announcement of Michael Moore's win and the moment he stepped on stage. The "what's he going to say?" tension was exquisite.

9. Can we please have a moratorium on animated characters presenting awards? Please? I feel bad for Jennifer Garner.

10. And one last thing: thank you, thank you, thank you Gil Cates for eliminating all non-nominated-song production numbers from the show. Don't think we didn't notice, and don't think we don't appreciate it.

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