COLLATERAL CARNAGE ... OR FILMAGE, REALLY. One of the best things (and I do mean "best") about going to see the new Dawn Of The Dead was that the trailers playing beforehand included most of the big dollar summer blockbusters. They were queued-up there in front of the zombast like a slick pyrotechnic-and-CGI buffet, inspiring awe, dread, tight anticipation and vague misgivings by turns. I've poked around for more info, and now offer an under-informed rundown of the ones I can already tell I'm going to watch no matter how bad their reviews are.
Today: demons past, demons present. Tomorrow: epic flicks from our heroic history.
Demons Present
I, Robot -- July 16 -- "It is the future. He fought the horror of robots programmed to kill." About time somebody did an update of the 1984 Tom Selleck classic, Runaway, don't you think? And who better than Will Smith?
Including a super slick pseudo-site for the product that serves as the central premise of the film, the promotional material for I, Robot is uniformly rich, shiny and enticing. It promises us the plausibly futurisic world of Minority Report and yet another twist on the now standard 21st-Century antagonist that we've recently enjoyed in such fine films as Matrixonator III - Revolutions Of The Machines. If the script turns out to have half the shine of the promo websites, I'm sure I'll be quite happy with the experience.
There has been a predictable amount of whining and tearing of hair in the "don't profane the classics of my childhood" department, with many IMDB posters worrying that the film will take too many liberties with Asimov's original work, play too much like the saccharine A.I. or resemble the interminable Bicentennial Man (which was also adapted from an Asimov short). After a few hours of clicking around, I can't tell what the forces behind I, Robot have retained or tried to "be true" to beyond some recognizable characters and Asimov's three now-famous laws, which I'm geek enough to quote here just because I can:
1) A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.
2) A robot must obey orders givein to it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.
3) A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.
I have to say though, that since the original work (not the whole body of Asimov's robot-related work, but the "I, Robot" title itself) was a collection of short stories I'm inclined to withhold judgment about any deviations in this update, hold my breath, and hope against hope that the script writers can connect their selected dots from the collection in a way that creates a compelling world, at once conceptually faithful to Asimov and on-pace with current concerns about and visions of our increasingly automated future.
Director Alex Proyas was also responsible for the ill-fated Brandon Lee vehicle The Crow, and 1998's under-appreciated sci-fi noir Dark City. His aesthetic choices in those films were strong and edgy and I'm excited to see what he might do with a mainstream blockbuster project.
Demons Past
Van Helsing -- May 7 -- Another remake; this time of a hit 1987 children's flick, The Monster Squad. Starring Wolverine and directed by Stephen Sommers (whose high-grossing, artificially butter-flavored sins include The Mummy and The Mummy Returns) Van Helsing is promoting itself as an orgiastic CGI action-fest that pits a lone hero against an assembled army of standard-issue horror film baddies run by -- and this is where it really gets creative -- the evil Count Chocula ...erm... Dracula. Sorry.
In a reassuring move, the film is being promoted concurrently with the related video game and a set of collectible monster trading cards. It also looks like the swashbuckling, shadowy protagonist will be carrying a weapon similar to "The Glave", which I'm sure you'll all remember from the strange Freudian (latency period) daydream that was Krull way back in 1983. I kid you not.
Though every nerve is my body was screaming its anticipated disappointment throughout the preview reel, and though I can't find a single byte anywhere on the web to persuade me that Van Helsing will be anything but utterly awful, I will inevitably plunk my $9.50 down to see this fiasco. What else is a guy who thought Fright Night II "wasn't really that bad" going to do?
Tomorrow: The Alamo & Troy.
Big Fat Hairy Thanks to the industry publicity machine and pop-culture archive that is The Internet Movie Database for doing what they do, and making diversions like this possible for me. One day soon, I will pony up for their expanded subscription service.
Which schlockbusters are you looking forward to?
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