Tuesday, August 16, 2005

“TETSUO, PHIL? WHAT DO YOU THINK OF TAKASHI MIIKE?” Yeah, so I went right to Google on that one, then IMDB and then NetFlix. Months later, I humbly offer the following summary reviews:

Full Metal Yakuza (1997): Robocop goes manga-maniacal.

A revenge fantasy for the hapless adolescent Yakuzawanabe. There’s some psycho-sado-misogyno-necro nastiness that I can’t defend except to say it might leave one wanting the cyborg protagonist to mutilate the bad guys even more brutally than he does. More likely it’s just intended as a cheap thrill for folks with a particular (or who are particularly) bent. Hard-boiled pulpy sword fight action, well and extravagantly and campily done, with an ending – as well as a bunch of other parts (parts!) throughout – that’ll make you go “whaaah…??” If that’s your kettle, then probably it ain’t bad fish.


Ichi The Killer (2001): Sakirashi the Gangster. (singing) They kill, and kill! They kill and kill and kill! Kill kill kill! Kill kill kill! The Ichi and Sakirashi Show!!

Ichi, a young psychotic, manipulated by implanted memories and equipped with a rubber supersuit full of spring-loaded blades, is killing pimps and rapists and gangsters in Shinjuku. A bit confused, he is also killing their victims about as often as not. He is pursued by a sado-masochistic gangster who does with cold premeditation and for purposes of light amusement the sorts of things that Ichi does reflexively in spasms (yes, those spasms) of moral agony. You get to watch. Sound fun? Oh, and did I mention that the gangster needs Ichi to (uh…) scratch him, because he prefers not just to give but to receive? If you thought Kill Bill was pulling punches and wasting time with arty hommage, and watched the credits after Sin City with Mr. Bluebird singing zip-ah-dee-do-dah upon your shoulder, then Ichi might be for you. Rated HFSYGTBKM for splatter, torture, sex, torture, sadism, torture, mutilation, torture, masochism, torture, dismemberment, torture, violence, torture, a punch in the mouth you will never ever forget and oh yeah more torture.


Gozu (2003): “It’s a Yakuza Movie, redesigned to confuse and then terrify unreflective testosterone junkies who are way into Yakuza Movies.”

An overcompensating young Yakuza cracks under the pressure of having to act macho all the time, becomes a whack-job and is ordered whacked. The guy who gets ordered to do the whacking is his best buddy, whom he has recently gifted with a set of crotchless panties. To make a long (D. Lynchian / S. Freudian, slow-developin’, viscerally disturbin’, dwarf-with-a-cow-head-droolin’-condensed-milkin’) story short: post-whackin’, the Whackee returns to the Whacker in the body of an incredibly Comely Young Woman. She proceeds to seduce the Yakuza boss who ordered the hit, and who can only perform the copulatory act with a soup ladle stuck up his arse. (I am not making this up.) Whacker then saves Comely Young Woman from despoilment by the Yakuza boss, re-presents her with the aforementioned crotchless panties and the two proceed with their own copulatory act (sans ladle) which is itself interrupted in a Most Dramatic Fashion. Whacker, Whackee and the Comely Young Woman all live happily ever after. Joke’s over kids. All this hard-boiled Yakuza movie stuff is just homoeroticism being furiously redirected into violence.


So, what do I think of Takashi Miike? Impressive. Difficult. Also disturbing. Not exactly "date" material.

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