Thursday, October 13, 2005

NUMBER OF ROMANTIC INCIDENTS BETWEEN IMPROBABLY ATTRACTIVE AIR DISASTER SURVIVORS (EXCLUDING INCIDENTS OCCURRING SIMULTANEOUS WITH DEATH OF ONE PARTICIPANT'S BROTHER/FORMER LOVER) IN SIX WEEKS STRANDED ON LUSH DESERT ISLAND WITH NOTHING TO DO BUT SWEAT ATTRACTIVELY AND WATCH CLOTHES UNRAVEL -- ZERO: In honor of Hurley's inventory of the foodstuffs, which KC points out may not be entirely accurate, I propose for your comment and contribution the following also-probably-inaccurate inventory of Craphole Island:

  • 37 live castaways – Craphole Island Estates (46 original (including pilot, excluding Ethan), -4 on the boat, -6 dead, +1 birth)
  • 5-7 live castaways – Lesser Craphole
  • 3 castaway tourists from CIE slumming it in Lesser Craphole
  • 1 mad Frenchwoman, location unknown
  • 1 mad Scotsman, location unknown
  • 4+ Others, location unknown
  • 1 monster, organic, CIE (vicinity)
  • 1 monster, mechanical with accompanying whisps of smoke, Black Triangle/CIE (vicinity)
  • 1 live polar bear, CIE (vicinity)
  • 1 dog, CIE
  • boars (unknown quantity)

  • 1 missing castaway (Walt)
  • 1 missing button-pusher, presumed dead (Calvin or Kelvin)
  • 1 missing teen, presumed petulant (Alex)

  • 6 dead castaways – Craphole Island Estates (Arzt, Killed by Ethan, Poor Swimmer, Agent Shrapnel, Captain Weiss, Boone)
  • 16-18 dead/missing castaways – Lesser Craphole
  • 1 dead Ethan Rom/Other Man, CIE (vicinity)
  • 1 dead polar bear, CIE (vicinity – and why didn’t they eat this one?)
  • 1 (presumed) dead shark, branded with Listening Station 3 logo

  • 6+ predeceased (2 found in cave, Nigerian smuggler in tree, Nigerian smuggler in plane, unknown but plural number of Rousseau’s crew, unknown number in hold of ship; not counting Flight 815 victims)

  • 4 castaways appearing in dreams or hallucinations (Maggie, Boone, Walt, Jin)

  • 2 underground stations
  • 1 meticulously hidden and nearly impenetrable quarantine hatch designed to open only from the inside of station despite being completely buried
  • 2 large doors to stations easily accessible to, among others, overweight man, 50-year-old woman, and gunshot victim (all malnourished), hidden by thin overgrowth of vines, penetrable by rag-tag band of air crash survivors whose tools consist of banyan-branch clubs wrapped in palm fronds
  • 1 hole leading to mechanical monster lair
  • 1 currently-unoccupied cave with fresh water, shelter, and medical supplies
  • 1 currently fully-occupied beach with little shelter, no water, no medical supplies
  • 1 In Style What’s Sexy Now waterfall with bonus dead bodies
  • 1 2-hole golf course, or 0.11 18-hole golf courses (courtesy Bill)
  • 1 ship plying the lucrative eighteenth-century Pacific pirate or slave trade
  • 1 cockpit of jet, stuck in banyan tree, CIE (vicinity)
  • 1 main fuselage of plane, CIE
  • 1 twin-engine Nigerian smuggler plane
  • 1 working skiff, with gasoline (Others)
  • 2 known power sources (Station 3, radio transmitter)
  • 1 unknown power source (Others)
  • 1 power source, status unknown (Girlfight Station)
  • 1 electrical cable, unknown length (courtesy Bill)
  • 1 radio transmitter on continuous repeat
  • 1 magnet, large, encased in concrete with radius >10 feet
  • 30 days’ food (for one person); or 0.8 days' food (for 37 people)
  • 1.56 cubic feet -- approximate volume of one meal as estimated by Hurley, based on 10'x10'x10' storage room with shelves 1 foot wide and 10 feet high, 50% full, lining the room
  • 1.0 cubic feet -- estimated maximum volume of human stomach before fatal rupture
  • 3 Meaningful References to Apollo brand candy bar (see Bill's explanation of Chocolate Asclepius)
  • 1 chest anachronistic dynamite (sweaty)
  • rifles (quantity unknown, but several in Station 3, at least two with the Others, at least two with Rousseau, and one with Desmond)
  • 1 washing machine, newish (courtesy Adam C.)
  • 1 blender, new (courtesy Adam C.)
  • 5 handguns (Jack, Sayid, Sawyer, other possession unknown)
  • bullets, unknown quantity
  • html bullets, unknown quantity (courtesy Kimsmopolitan)
  • 100 heroin-filled Virgin Marys (approx.)
  • 3 buckets Quickrete (partially used)
  • 3-4 servers with reel-to-reel storage or additional Mama Cass masters
  • 1 Apple II+ or II/e (courtesy Andrew) (changed from "Wang terminal" although this doesn't seem right to me because both the Apple II and the Apple IIe were color computers, and the Wang terminals that I remember using were not.)
  • 5-7 Station 3 jumpsuits, perfect for DEVO lip-synch contest
  • 4 yellow rain slickers, Captain Gordon-esque (courtesy Kimsmopolitan)
  • 50 doses injectable Station 3 supplements (approximate)
  • fresh fruit, unknown quantity (courtesy Adam C.)
  • 1 bottle, notes home (buried) (courtesy Adam C.)
  • 1 map of island drawn by Rousseau, forgotten
  • 1 box decorative sidewalk chalk (partially used)
  • 1 backgammon game (courtesy Kimsmopolitan)
  • black and white pebbles/othello pieces, unknown quantity (courtesy Kimsmopolitan)
  • 1 container, Tide
  • 1 pair eyeglasses made to help Sawyer see straight
  • 0 pairs eyeglasses worn by Sawyer since embarking on three-hour tour
updated to reflect comments through 10/14 a.m.

Anything else significant that I'm missing?

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