HI IN THE MIDDLE AND SWOLLEN TO GROTESQUE PROPORTIONS ON THE ENDS: Let's say you work for a company, doing, I don't know, typing or filing or whatever it is that lawyers supposedly do, since most of you are lawyers. You are one of maybe 100 people in your company with access to the Important File Room, where you are required to spend about an hour or two of every workday. In the last three years, six other people who have access to the Important File Room have developed a type of infection known to breed in environments like file rooms, and your company promises to look into it and fix the problem. Then you get a case of Filing Room Infection. You are treated, and it goes away, and your company again promises to fix the problem. And then you get another case. This time two very important parts of your anatomy -- did I mention that you are a man in this hypothetical (incidentally, you are also an ass, but that's not relevant, and anyway you didn't need me to tell you that)? -- swell so much that you cannot wear pants, causing you excruciating pain and keeping you from doing your job (which you enjoy) for at least a sixteenth of a year. So you understandably complain, both to your co-workers and to your industry's trade publications, about your company's cavalier attitude toward the clearly dangerous (and potentially deadly) Filing Room Infection problem, at least arguably in an effort to protect your co-workers from similar problems. What does your company do? Apologize and actually fix the problem, right?
No, if your company is the Cleveland Browns, it suspends you and docks you 1/16 of your salary for bringing "unjustified negative attention" to the company and for violating the company's "[company]-first concept." Because under the "team-first" principle, if one player has elephantitis-inducing staph, every player should have it, I guess. Anyway, I wish I could just fine people for bringing negative attention on me that I believe is unjustified. That would be kind of a cool superpower.
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