A List Of Things Thrown Five Minutes Ago

CHARLES CARMICHAEL, ED., BARTOWSKI'S BRISTOW CODE ANNOTATED (UNIVERSAL 2008): Hey, if you watch Chuck for the suspense and not the comedy, or if your head recently encountered the underside of a falling safe or piano and you get confused easily, you might find this post a bit spoilery. Do not read further. If you are familiar with the concept of television and are capable of functioning independently, this probably won't be news to you, but don't blame me if you read below and learn something about Chuck, and about yourself in the process.

Anyway, just so we have it written down instead of floating around in Jack Bauer's grey matter, the Rules of Greater Los Angeles Basin Spying:

1. Well-dressed people are spies.
2. People in dark clothing are spies, and people with dark turtlenecks are foreign spies.
3. Strong silent types are spies.
4. Sexually predatory women are spies.
5. Nightclub owners are spies.
6. The IT guy is a spy.
7. People with briefcases, purses, music boxes, or chewing gum are spies with bombs.
8. If you are introduced to a person you have not yet met, he or she is a spy.
9. When you go out on a date, most bystanders are spies, and bartenders and waitstaff are head spies.
10. People who wear glasses are spies with fancy gadgety spy glasses.
11. Your childhood friends are spies.
12. A sexual encounter with a person will automatically turn that person into a spy.
13. Your parents are spies, except where killed by spies.
14. Parents who have been killed by spies are not dead and instead are just out spying.