A List Of Things Thrown Five Minutes Ago

THESE VAMPIRES TODAY, I TELL YA: Going to school in the daylight, my fanny. In my day, we slept the day off in velvet-lined coffins deep in vaulted crypts, and we liked it. And none of this navel-gazing stuff and mooning over the living. Vampires stick with vampires, that's what I always say. And get a damn haircut. I don't understand all of this shaggy Beatles or Fall Down Boy stuff or whatever they're calling it these days. When I was coming up, it was Bryl Cream and a widow's peak or nothing at all. What're you trying to look good for, the mirror? Ha. Not for nothing, but when I see what the kids I bit are doing these days, I can barely look the boys in my coven in the eye.