Wednesday, December 17, 2008

[SPACEMAN'S HEAD EXPLODES]: If you were wondering who would win the ALOTT5MA award for the Year's Shittiest Supposed News Source, and you were thinking you would lay some money on TMZ/Us/InTouch, or the Montclarion, or the (now three-days-a-week if you like it on your doorstep) Detroit Free Press, or Sam Zell's profitably smouldering but unkillable twins, or the Captivate Network, or Woman on Cell Phone at Bus Stop Loudly Misinterpreting the Day's Headlines, Vegas is no longer taking bets.

That's because we have a last-minute, come-from-behind, runaway winner: Oklahoma Today, which just named lying scumbag Clay Bennett its seventeenth "Oklahoman of the Year," and not in a Time Magazine "isn't this such a controversial choice" way, but rather in a "we think this guy ably represents all that is good about Oklahoma" way. I guess one person's "resourcefulness, tenacity, and acumen" is another person's "lying, cronyism, and ability to turn a 52-win division champion into the worst team in the NBA (on pace to tie the worst record in league history) in only three years, eliciting boos in only a few weeks from a crowd that never booed the Hornets." Apparently, for the editorial staff of Oklahoma Today (and not for an Oklahoman or two among us who I know will dissent from the choice), Oklahoma is a state of proud douchebag buffoons. Hey, just like in the old cartoons!

ETA: Speaking of terrible news decisions, the top headline on CNN for an hour or so this morning was "No Good Way To Tell Kids They Have Cancer." Breaking!

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