A List Of Things Thrown Five Minutes Ago

THINGS I LEARNED FROM THE APOCALYPSE: (Warning: contains 2012 spoilers, not that a single particularly unexpected thing happens in this movie anyway.)

• You will probably die during the apocalypse.
  
• When the apocalypse comes, it's a good idea to live in the Midwest--at least there, you'll have the most time to escape.
• John Cusack apparently has the largest lung capacity of any human being in existence.
• All that is required in order to perform acrobatic flying manuevers and to serve as co-pilot of a jumbo jet is "a couple of flying lessons." You will protest that this is not enough, but it will be sufficient.
• Large cars like RV's and limos are best to be in in the event of apocalypse, not because they are likely to be able to survive damage, but because of their excellent manueverability.
  
• If you are an aging character actor, you will die in the apocalypse, but you will be offered a chance to reconcile with your family beforehand and make a display of nobility.
• If you are unattractive, you will probably not survive the apocalypse.
  
• If you have behaved like a dick during early stages of the apocalypse, you will die during the apocalypse, but either in an ironic manner or in a manner that allows you some small measure of redemption.
• If you are a small pet, you will probably die during the apocalypse. However, if you are in a position where you could possibly be saved, you will be.
• A sign of the apocalypse? In December at Yellowstone National Park, no one will require jackets or any sort of heavy clothing.
• The apocalypse will provide an opportunity for separated couples to reconcile and couples that never had an opportunity to get together to get together.
  
• And, of course, man is basically good at heart.