Thursday, September 9, 2010

"WE HAD, I TOLD THEM, THE WORST SHOWER DISCIPLINE OF ANY TEAM I'VE BEEN AROUND": The Tennessee Volunteers, now with 100% fewer Layla Kiffins, have had some locker-room staph problems. So their coach, Derek Dooley, did what any crusty ol' ball coach would do -- teach a master class on how to shower. That team is lucky Dooley is their coach, both because now they finally know how to use a loufa and because you do not want to take that seminar if your coach is, say, Rex Ryan. Or Joe Paterno.

One thing Dooley said that is likely to draw some derision is that cutting corners in how you shower "shows in how you practice and elsewhere." But I'm kind of on board with that. I used to laugh at the segment in the John Wooden documentary where a series of UCLA greats talk about how the first thing Wooden did at the first practice every year was break down exactly how to pull on one's socks. Now I'm acutely aware, when I go to the gym, of exactly when I've been sloppy in putting on my socks and lacing my shoes. If Dooley wants to mold his team into a squad of precision showerers, I say it can only help them.

22 comments:

  1. Joseph J. Finn6:04 PM

    You know, I'm not going to poke fun at this.  Staph is a nasty, nasty infection and anything that can cut down on it is a good thing.

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  2. isaac_spaceman6:10 PM

    Yes, of course.  My college roommate's father, a doctor, died of a staph infection.  Staph itself is not funny. 

    But the way that football organizations approach very serious issues is funny.  Talking about "shower discipline," like it's an actual thing, is funny.  Giving a demonstration on how to shower is funny. 

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  3. slowlylu7:38 PM

    You know I can just see a FNL episode built around a story like this. 

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  4. I believe the ALOTT5MA Style Guide says "loofah".  It's right next to the page about how we can be completely inconsistent as to whether the names of tv shows go in quotes, italics or simple title case, so long as we're consistent within the post itself.

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  5. Adlai9:43 PM

    This reminds me of Cheaper by the Dozen, when Mr. Gilbreth teaches his kids to bathe efficiently.

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  6. heather k10:03 PM

    When I was in 5th grade and read that book for the first time, I would use that method because yes I a a big geek.

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  7. The Pathetic Earthling12:55 AM

    I'm with you, Isaac.  This thing is funny, staph is not, as I learned two weeks ago.  Managed to stay out of the hospital, but just. Not MRSA, fortunately, but I was on a couple of powerful antibiotics for two weeks.  Good times.

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  8. isaac_spaceman1:30 AM

    Both of these comments were exactly my reaction.  You take the soap in your right hand and start at the left shoulder...  How many Therbligs do you think it takes?

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  9. spacewoman1:31 AM

    Oops, that was me.  Damnit -- it makes it so much harder to mock isaac for using my handle when I do the same thing.

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  10. Genevieve2:02 AM

    I was just coming to hear to post that, Adlai! So glad others remember that too . . .

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  11. Eric J.9:00 AM

    Y'know, this would make a great Very Special Episode of Hellcats.

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  12. Roger9:15 AM

    So basically ALOTT5MA uses the Maroonbook of blog style guides?

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  13. Watts9:51 AM

    After he finishes teaching his players about shower discipline, maybe he could work on getting the general student body not to leave their tobacco spit cups in the library stacks.

    This was a joke, but you know, I'd actually buy one: http://twitpic.com/2mshnj

    And now for obligatory Southern-state-gets-defensive-and-makes-fun-of-another-Southern-state humor: We may not know how to shower at Tennessee, but at least we can spell Mississippi: http://www.ajc.com/sports/bama-misspells-mississippi-on-591008.html

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  14. Mike Schmelzer10:31 AM

    Coach Dooley's attitude reminds me of General John E. Sloan and the 88th Infantry Division in the Second World War. Long story short: The 88th was a bunch of draftees that were trained by Gen. Sloan to pay attention to detail and to excel in even the BS things like making their bunks and keeping their boots polished. Skip ahead to the fighting in Italy, where the 88th performed so well in tough fighting that the opposing German commander referred to them as "Elite". More here: http://www.88infdiv.org/wwii.html

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  15. isaac_spaceman10:40 AM

    I think I knew that, too.  Whoops.

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  16. Misisipi Steight ain't even worth spellin' right.

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  17. Actually, we rely exclusively on Fake AP Stylebook.

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  18. To Mike's point- and exercised by Catholic school nuns everywhere (and Rudy Guiliani in the 90s) - if you focus on the little stuff, you don't have to worry about the big stuff.

    When I was a teacher, I had to remind kids about showering.  And deodorant.  And other basic things that their parents were too embarassed (or too whatever) to mention to them.

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  19. The Pathetic Earthling12:49 PM

    I <3 Maroon Book

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  20. Jennifer5:34 PM

    Oh lord, teaching the Lions how to shower. *shudder*

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  21. Jennifer5:35 PM

    I'm surprised so many other people read that book.

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  22. "Shower Discipline", sounds like a solid band name. Now I just need to think of a good logo for it before Rock Band 3 comes out...

    (alternate band name, "Watermelon to the Melon!!!")

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