NOPE: Hey, did I just read a Grantland article written as a letter from an Oklahoma City basketball fan to the City of Seattle where the author burned about ten thousand words alternating between humblebrags (my team is so awesome! OMG Seattle you have no idea how awesome this is! such good luck by me!), moaning about how awful it was to grow up in a city without professional basketball (wonder who else is ever going to know what that feels like!), and strenuously patting himself on his back for finally being willing to acknowledge that, as he knew all along, Seattle got really screwed over ("I'm not going to try to forget you anymore, Seattle"; "only a Thunder fan can know how very much it sucks, because we're the ones who do get to enjoy it"*), all in support of the thesis that "that's what we owe each other -- to see it that way, to sympathize with one another"? No I fucking did not just read that article. Because it would be impossible for anything with a brain capable of supporting the motor functions necessary to type words in English to be so unbelievably fucking stupid as to think that people in Seattle should have basketball-related sympathy for Oklahoma City.
If I ever meet Brian Phillips, and I really mean this, literally,** I am going to kick him right in the balls. Why? Because only a person who has not just been kicked in Brian Phillips's balls can know how very much it sucks, because we're the ones who do get to enjoy it.
*Worst argument in the history of logic.
**To clarify, not literally.
