MODERN ETIQUETTE DESK: Last Saturday night, we took my mom out for an early dinner for her 70th birthday, four kids included, to an upscale Italian/steakhouse restaurant. (To locals: not that one; the other one.) It was odd that well over a half-hour after ordering, we still had received nothing but bread, and not seen our server in quite some time, so when he did finally emerge we asked him about the status of our first course. When he returned, he explained that, oops!, because of some electrical issue the printer in the kitchen hadn't been switched on, so they hadn't actually received our orders yet, but they were now finally being prepared. (Which raises the question: just what was the server doing in a relatively empty restaurant for all that time when he wasn't checking in on his table's order?) Compound that error with the unpardonable sin that a table which had ordered after us still received their first course before we did (mom: irate), add in the server's general not-getting-it of "really, we have kids here: bring whatever's ready as soon as it's ready," and it was near calamitous but-for the relatively resolute behavior of the kids, who didn't fall apart as well they could have. (One other server flub? He came over and asked us, "well, I guess you're not having dessert?", even though we had already confirmed with the hostess that it was a birthday celebration.)
Ultimately, the restaurant comped us for the entire ~$300 meal, so that's not my question. (Oddly, we were only told this in passing by our server -- well, I guess we're comping your meal (so stop complaining) -- after some question about the entrees, and not by the manager coming over with an apologetic we're really, really sorry as one would have expected.) This is the question: what, if anything should we have left as a tip? I'll give you the answer at which we arrived, later today.
Tip the hostess $50 and tell her to share it with the backroom staff. Leave the waiter nothing.
ReplyDeleteI would have tipped but only because I wanted the people in the back to get it. I like bd's plan of going to the hostess. 'Cause that waiter sucked.
ReplyDelete$60
ReplyDeleteIt would depend on my knowledge of the restaurant's pooling system. If I knew that they pooled the tips, I'd contribute to the general pool as usual because they guy is going to get tipped out anyway, and no need to screw the back staff. If not, I'd probably leave 15% or less so that the server earns a wage, but not a bonus.
ReplyDeleteI hope by back staff you guys mean bus boys and bartenders because it sounds like these problems were at least 75% kitchen.
ReplyDeleteIt's not tipping I believe in so much as overtipping. I still would have left nothing. And I think you know that's generally not my style. I have left nothing less than 5 times in my life.
ReplyDeleteThis is a really good idea. It never would've occurred to me, but I'll keep that in mind for if/when I ever have an experience like this one.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, the printer excuse is clearly bullshit. If it weren't why did the table that order after you get their order first? Wouldn't their ticket have printed out AFTER yours? So, either he's lying about the printer OR he didn't get your order in before the other table's (So, he's slow). And trust me, from having worked with lousy waitstaff, you always blame the kitchen. ALWAYS. If you can blame an OBJECT in the kitchen, even better. (Because, you know, the kitchen guys DO have access to knives.)
ReplyDeleteI do like the idea of tipping out the back staff. Normally, I would say you should give that tip to the manager, but given that you didn't SEE the manager - which really, where was he/she during all this? Where I worked, if a meal got comped, that news was ALWAYS delivered by the manager. As were any "re-cooks." - I wouldn't trust him/her to deliver the money out.
I hope you EVISCERATE this place on Yelp.
Something on the low end of what would be acceptable for the meal (take 15% and round down to the nearest round number). You didn't ask to be comped, so you should still contribute something.
ReplyDeleteThe response was "theirs was a cold appetizer - antipasto platter." Except my mom's salad, and my cold shellfish whatever, required no cooking either.
ReplyDeleteThe manager had come by briefly to apologize in the middle, but basically avoided us thereafter.
Here's the thing: When I was a waitress, if something did go wrong in the kitchen (someone took the order that was supposed to be mine, the fryer was down, the baked potatoes were running behind, whatever) - if you want your tip and you know how to do your job, you communicate that with your table immediately. And offer solutions.
ReplyDeleteIn your case, "I'm so sorry, our kitchen printer was down and we just realized it. Here's some [a dish hastily assembled in the kitchen] on the house while we get it sorted out."
The thing you never want to do, if you want a good tip, is have the table wonder, "Where has our server gotten to?"
As is the case with lots of things in life, it really does come down to communication.
Yep, just got that in ahead of me. The communication issue is what would have had me in a lather.
ReplyDeleteI always assume the answer to the question "Just what was the server doing in a relatively empty restaurant for all that time when he wasn't checking in on his table's order?" is "bong hits."
ReplyDeleteOr having a regular smoke. Or doing a line or two. Or getting frisky with someone in the walk-in.
ReplyDeleteI'm looking forward to "People EVISCERATE this place on Yelp!" stickers.
ReplyDeleteNot sure what I'd do, personally, though there's a good chance I'd have moved on to a different restaurant long before they got around to it. (Even if we'd stuck around, we're both IT professionals and the printer issue probably would've resulted in a good throttling.)
ReplyDeleteMy mother, on the other hand, would likely have left whatever random change she had in her purse.
$45...$60 if karma's your thing. I know it's obnoxious, but I can imagine several completely legitimate reasons for that table's food coming out before yours. Clearly there was truly terrible management and communication and that's terribly unfortunate, but pooling/tip-out and taxes are often calculated based on sales not actual earned gratuity. Your waiter shouldn't lose money serving you, no matter how terrible he was.
ReplyDeleteWhat we actually did: $20, cash, on the table.
ReplyDeleteWhat I wish we had done: what bd said, because I realized that the way we did it left the bartender and rest of staff undercompensated, and we did have six cocktails (including three Shirley Temples) for the table.
That's my instinct too. I almost always tip over 20%, and have never ever left 0, but might have done that.
ReplyDeleteIt's called a "gratuity" because it is given in gratitude, no? If you're not feeling any... Well, I'd be sorely tempted to go with nothing, trusting that a pooling situation will have social dynamics that act on those at the heart of such problems, providing incentives to either improve their service and professionalism or more aggressively promote their graphic design business. The folks working the joint certainly know what really happened, and, as Watts notes, there are knives in the kitchen. Assume an efficient market for apportionment of blame among informed parties and let them take it out of the appropriate ass(es).
ReplyDeleteIn light of the six cocktails I might separately take $10 and put it on the bar, especially if the bartender had interacted with us personally, but I do have a weakness for bartenders.
We tipped out based on sales, not on tips actually earned. And it was gross sales, before any coupons, discounts, or comps.
ReplyDeleteSo,
if they handle tipping out the same way my place did, the waiter still
had to give whatever percentage of $300 to the "tip out" pool. And if
they use the same math, then your $20 should cover what the waiter had to
dish out.
Partly commenting just to say that bd's idea is great (and mostly commenting because I finally figured out how to post on the new system. Woo hoo!).
ReplyDeleteI'll have a double scotch. And my friend will have a double scotch. Except instead of putting his drink on his tray you put it on mine. And I'll pay you for both.
ReplyDeleteI hope the next family to venture in there leaves a tip with this post's URL.
ReplyDeleteEnjoying this as a teachable moment. I've had poor service once in a while and lowballed the tip - depending on whether it's something the kitchen did or the server, and how much the server kept us in the loop. I'll keep bd's advice in mind and make sure the manager or hostess are told what to do with it.
ReplyDeleteThis. Whether it was your server, or someone in the kitchen, or some inanimate object, or the hostess, someone (probably several someones) fucked up, and it's a fair bet everyone in a position to care knows who it was.
ReplyDeleteYou're right to question the situation, because your meal got comped, but tips aren't for the food, they're for the service, and yours sucked. Like Phil, I would likely have gone to the bar and tipped for the drinks, but I'd have left $1 on the table (or change, if I had it).
That strikes me as an endless string of bad customer service combined with some general incompetence. I would have gone and stood at the hostess stand until the manager was brought to me, and possibly told my kids to run around the place until they saw food on the table. But I'm kind of a jerk. Also, I'd write an angry letter to the owner. SOMEONE on the staff should have seen that you had no food and come over, and the fact that no one did is kind of appalling.
ReplyDeleteAdam, if I ever run for office against you, I'm definitely doing an attack ad about you spending only $20 on your mother's 70th birthday dinner. Black and white photos; scary voice-overs -- the works. Be warned!
ReplyDeleteHey, I have a Cafe Press store - i could make those up if you think there's a market...
ReplyDelete