A List Of Things Thrown Five Minutes Ago

THE FIVE STAGES OF EAGLES GRIEF: If you're having as much trouble with yesterday's Level V loss as I am, please remember that coping is a process:

DENIAL: I can't believe the season's over already. Just yesterday we were planning our Super Bowl party.

BARGAINING: If I promise not to boo Ja Rule and Ashanti next time, maybe they'll let the Eagles go to the Super Bowl.

ANGER: Screw Andy Reid for his pathetic, vanilla play-calling. Screw Donovan McNabb for making lousy passes for most of the game, and screw the wide receivers for not catching the few good ones. Screw the defense for missing key tackles, and screw the owners for letting Jeremiah Trotter go, because he'd have made those tackles.

DESPAIR: It's Philadelphia. We will never win another championship in any sport. Do you realize that the Eagles last won a title in 1960, and have only been in the Super Bowl once? That the Phillies have won as many World Series in their 120-year history (1) as the Florida Marlins in twelve years of existence or the Arizona Diamondbacks in five? That the time a Philadelphia team won a title -- my beloved 76ers -- it was so long ago that Cheers was in its first season? How long ago? When the Sixers won the title, no one in Philadelphia yet knew that Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia were siblings, because that was the week Return of the Jedi debuted in theaters.

You want despair? Since the last time a Philadelphia team won a professional title, New York-area teams have won ten -- heck, even Boston has seen three champions (one Super Bowl, two NBA) emerge since we last won one. And that's Boston, which is supposed to be the pinnacle of sports disappointment. Please. No franchise in professional sports history has lost more games than the Phillies. No one. Hell, if the Phillies won every single game for the rest of this decade, they still would be a sub-.500 team for their history.

Philadelphia: we can't win, we don't win, we won't win. That's our story.

ACCEPTANCE: It just wasn't our day, and sometimes, it takes a team a few years of playoff frustration before it all pays off. Look at the Raiders -- in 2000, they lost at home in the AFC title game to the Baltimore Ravens (who went on to win the Super Bowl); in 2001, they lost in the snow at New England (who went on to win the Super Bowl), but now, it's their turn.

Everyone on the Eagles except for Hugh Douglas should be coming back next year. They'll be fine. Someday. But not me today. Not yet.