A List Of Things Thrown Five Minutes Ago

AND BY THE WAY, WHAT'S THAT RED, PAINFUL SWELLING? With Mr. Spaceman on board, it's time to welcome our second new contributor, a man who is capable of many things -- including, but not limited to losing a fantasy football game this week despite having Jamal Lewis on his roster.

Ladies and gentlemen, Phil Throckmorton sings a song of himself:

Phil Throckmorton rarely bowls. When he does bowl, he bowls with a religious intensity that --given his lack of aptitude for the activity-- suggests an inclination towards martydom or annihilation fantasies. Phil's hometown had a drunken prospector as the mascot for one of its major league professional sports franchises until approximately 1985, and he often feels like a plain baloney sandwich slathered with imported, certified-organic, gourmet multi-seed mustard. Somedays, that's a good thing. He once watched Showgirls, Caligula and Barbarella back to back to back, and has repurchased most of his middle-school era skate punk cassette tapes on CD. Phil hopes to contribute to Throwing Things as a true fan of good foma and an enthusiastic student of the absurd evidence. Although he sometimes seems pretentious, he is not pretending. Phil believes in rock and roll. Music saved his mortal soul. He's in a never ending game of wack-a-mole, and just keeps winning.

Also, a correction: Mr. Spaceman's home town has won a major team sports title. My bad.