A List Of Things Thrown Five Minutes Ago

WITH 2006 GRAMMY AWARD WINNER FOR BEST SPOKEN WORD, BARACK OBAMA, AS YOUR WARM-UP ACT ON 60 MINUTES: The time of Grammys is at hand. I'll update this post with bullet points as the night progresses.

• Awards already presented are listed in orange on this page -- Peter Frampton has won the first Grammy of his multi-decade career for an instrumental album; Springsteen and Dylan won the traditional and contemporary folk awards, respectively; Timberpants already has two -- one for "Sexy Back" (dance), one for "My Love" (rap/sung); Dan Zanes won the children's award; Rick Rubin for Producer of the Year.
• More prior-to-broadcast: "Mary Jane's Next-To-Last Dance" "Dani California" wins best rock group over "How To Save A Life", the U2/Green Day charity number, Coldplay and the Raconteurs, as well as best rock song; Gnarls for best alternative, besting Flaming Lips and Arctic Monkeys; and Ike Turner -- yes, that Ike Turner -- wins best traditional blues album, his first since 1972.
  
• And we're live. Rooooooooooxanne! But, Sting, 1982 called, and it said when you turned 55, you had to start wearing sleeves again. Also, note to producers: don't pan over the crowd if they're not up and excited.
• Hate the disembodied host. And I'm sure the producers, seeking young viewers, were thrilled to see Tony Bennett and Stevie Wonder beat Nelly Furtado and Timbaland in the first award.
• Dixie Chicks: yay. Not much to say about the performance. Prince introduces Beyonce with three words ("One word: Beyonce"), who proceeds to campaign for the Oscar for "Listen". They're due February 20, Academy members.
  
• The timekeepers show no mercy tonight -- Tony Bennett and Mary J. Blige both get the "wrap it up" music.
• And now, the Polite Young People Who Aren't Scary segment: Corinne Bailey Rae, John Legend and John Mayer.
• Shakira's hips speak for themselves. I've got nothing here. I expect my mom to call any minute to ask me if she does that often.
  
• Natalie Maines: speechless? And apolitical in their first acceptance speech of the night.
• Gnarls Barkley with the nice rework on "Crazy" with a martial beat. Tonight's theme: "Catch Me If You Can".
• Ludacris wins, with shout-out to Oprah and Bill O'Reilly. Heh.
• I realized what the problem is with tonight's show: since "Roxanne", there's been an hour and a half with no rock music, and still no rap. Pop, soul, r&b . . . but nothing with the remote possibility of danger. Not that Mary J. Blige didn't sing the hell out of "Be Without You", but this evening's not soaring.
• Only one song from The Police, but a two three-song Eagles tribute? Still, Carrie Underwood's take on "Desperado" might be the highlight of the night.
• Cheap joke alert: Given how much work he's had done, Smokey Robinson should no longer be singing a song containing the line "Take a good look at my face." Just saying, is all.
• On Lionel Richie's "Hello", I have to go back to what Pitchfork said about the video -- "Every time Richie mimes 'hello' like it's the most sincere hello ever offered in the history of hellos. When he gazes longingly at his blind student with those cradle-robbing eyes, I get that feeling of enjoyment that one can only get from watching quality crap like a straight-to-Sci-Fi-Channel thriller about Frankenfish."
• Chris Brown's mini-mes just stole the show. And then Xtina stole it again on "It's A Man's World". A nice homage to James Brown, style-wise.
• Necrology applause-o-meter: Billy Preston > Gerald Levert > Ahmet Ertegun > Buck Owens > Ed Bradley > Syd Barrett.
• The mix is kinda ruining it, but Ludacris' "Runaway Love" is one of the most depressing songs you'll ever hear on the radio.
• That was weird -- a Prince "thank you" ad for the fans who enjoyed the Super Bowl.
• JT is a trooper; that "Grammy Idol" performance was mighty nice. Yes, if you're counting the performances at home, that's three for Timberpants, one for The Police. But, y'know what? He's good.
• I've never been bored by a Red Hot Chili Peppers performance. Until tonight, on "Snow (Hey Yo)". Anyone ready to run the Keltner on them?
• Al Gore? Praising the music industry for being pro-environment (ahem: the cd longbox?), with no one mentioning his wife's war against the industry two decades ago on decency grounds.
  
• Well, I guess that's what vindication looks like -- Dixie Chicks have won everything except Best Traditional Tropical Latin Album.
  

Wrap-up thought: a "meh" evening, with the Dixie Chicks getting the most opportunities to speak but declining to say anything of interest. Five awards won tonight, almost as many as the seven Jacko won for Thriller or Santana's eight for Supernatural. Performance-wise, nothing on the level of all the links below, so I'm sorry if I raised expectations too much. Reserve your seats today for the 2027 Kennedy Center Awards tribute to Rick Rubin.