Monday, May 4, 2009

PROCLAIMING ONESELF A BALLBUSTER ON THE FIRST DATE MIGHT NOT BE THE BEST STRATEGY: So we haven’t been talking about the Real Housewives of New York this season, mostly because I’ve been watching it on a two-week-or-so delay, but tomorrow being the big Season Two finale and all, I figured now’s as good a time as any to see who’s out there (besides my neighbor and me).

This has been an entertaining season, largely because of the introduction of Kelly Bensimon as the sixth real housewife. Last season, Jill and Bethenny kept things anchored in some sort of self-aware reality while Luann, err, Mrs. de Lesseps (with the benefit of hindsight, one thinks she might have clung to that honorific a shade too tightly) was off polishing her tiara, Ramona was off flashing her crazy eyes, and Alex and Simon were off twittering (it’s sad that that word has been lost to social networking) about their brilliant multilingual world-traveling offspring.

Most of the returning housewives have picked up a smidgeon of self-awareness by virtue of Season One. Ramona seems to have her nutsiness more or less under control, while husband Mario has finally shown us that he’s as looney-tunesy as she is and sane Avery must be running the family business solo; Alex is blathering less about social strata and comes off a little more like a regular mom trying to make everything work (while wearing a couture burlap feedbag and living in a bordello, naturellement – don’t we all?); and Luann is a little less adamant that everyone kowtow before her titular superiority. Jill, God bless her, is the same as she was last season – everyone’s Jewish mama only with fancier stuff and less chicken soup.

And then there’s Kelly. Kelly is blessed with many, many things, but self-awareness is decidedly not on the list. On the one hand you can’t blame her – unlike the others, she didn’t have the chance to watch herself on TV during season one and to learn the relevant lessons from that experience. But on the other hand – wow, she’s awful. Did she ever watch the show last year, or did her people just tell her that this was a good way to get national exposure? I kind of feel like the whole experience was pitched to her as The Kelly Show, and that the notion of interacting with five other people somehow failed to penetrate her consciousness. Not that there seems to be much consciousness to penetrate.

Where things get interesting is that Kelly has really thrown Bethenny off her game, making for some exceedingly awkward moments. Between the fakety-fake-fake singing of “Hiiiii” and “Byeee” in Bethenny’s general direction and all the Oh, Bethennys, and those “I’m up here and you’re down here” comments, poor Bethenny is being tormented within an inch of her life. But when she tries to react, Kelly apparently forgets that any of it ever happened, and I’m sorry, what was your name again? Bethenny, who was so funny and charming last season, is coming across like a pit bull chained to a tree trying desperately to get to the slab of beef just out of reach. If the previews for tomorrow night’s season finale are accurate, then Kelly may have finally driven Bethenny insane – what else would cause Jill, of all people, to hit the breaking point?

So what do you think? Am I alone on the “Kelly is horrid” bus? Do others like Alex and Simon’s decorating taste more than I? Is Jill not the undeniable heroine of the show?

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