THREAD THE NEEDLE: Perhaps because this was a Quinn and Terri-heavy (and generally singing-light) episode of Glee, I expect opinions to be decidedly mixed on the episode, but I thought that the girls' mashup was one of the more creative things the show has done musically, rather than a straight cover. The ending, of course, set up some interesting stuff for the future, giving Sue something to do beyond being a one-dimensional villain. Next week, based on iTunes, we're getting "Keep Holding On" and a Finn/Rachel "No Air."

That said, Glee finishes second tonight to Modern Family on the list of shows that made me laugh heartily at 9 PM. Because MF has 10 principal characters, they can cycle them through and create new pairings and groups of interactions rather than relying on the same ones week after week, and we got three new sets of interactions this week (Jay/Phil, Alex/Gloria, Claire/Manny). Also it's rare that you can find a sitcom that manages to balance 4 plots in 22 minutes in the way Seinfeld used to. In particular, the entire Costco plot made me laugh heartily, if just for Jesse Tyler Ferguson's perfectly played excitement, and Ty Burrell already deserves a supporting actor Emmy more than Jon Cryer ever did. My one nitpick is why every episode seemingly needs to end with a heartwarming moment of the family coming together to overcome its differences. Still, funny, funny stuff.

HUG THIS OUT: Look, there's no question that this season of Entourage bit hard. The umpteenth "Eric pines after Sloan" plotline? "Since Jerry Ferrara is dating Jamie-Lynn Sigler, let's have his character date her, too!" A half-baked stalker plot for Vince? Drama deciding to quit acting? A complete failure to use Gary Cole (save for the brief "I'm going to sign Sorkin today!" plotline)? Fail. But Sunday's finale did have one redeeming moment--Matt Damon, playing himself as a celebrity angry at Vince for failing to give enough to charity. Unfortunately, the best part was after the credits, but YouTube has it (NSFW, contains naughty words).

BUT GOLDIE LEE WAS MORE THAN HE KNEW HOW TO HANDLE: Apparently it's time to expand the ALOTT5MA baby names beat to include the broader universe of things that people do with names. I'm not sure when a trendlet becomes a trend, but I think it's worth noting that joining Sarah Michelle Prinze on the "Happy Anniversary, Sweetie, I'm Taking Your Name" train* is Heidi Klum. On Monday, Klum filed a court petition to henceforth be known as Heidi Samuel.

Seems to me that this will do precisely bupkis to identify her with her husband, Seal -- raise your hand if you knew that the guy's name was Seal [five middle names omitted due to space considerations] Samuel. What it may do is provide some entertaining shock value for unsuspecting parents of Henry and Johan's nursery school playdates (assuming that there are some non-celebrity-focused parents in Los Angeles). When you know that Mrs. Samuel is coming to pick up little Henry Samuel from the playground, but it's Heidi Klum who shows up to collect her son, well, that's whatever the opposite of a bait and switch is.

(*There's a certain cynicism to all this: hey, I was a big famous person 'ere I met you, and so I am going to keep my name on the off-chance that this whole marriage thing doesn't work out for us, just to keep things from getting complicated, but now we have some kids and I'm feeling pretty good about the state of our union, so I'm ready to commit now.)

In other news, Ione Skye and Ben Lee had a baby girl a couple weeks ago, and have chosen to honor my Bubbe Goldie by naming their daughter Goldie Priya Lee. I'm not sure that Bubbe Goldie would have known what to do with the name Priya other than baffledly make some more world-class blintzes, but the times, they are a-changin'.

WELL, CERTAINLY BEATS "GOSSELIN" IN THE "KATE" CATEGORY: So, according to Esquire, Kate Beckinsale is the Sexiest Woman Alive With A Project To Promote And Who Was Willing To Pose In Her Underpants For Us. Sadly, the decline of Fametracker has deprived us of the annual notes from the editorial meeting in which this determination was made (for 2005 winner Jessica Biel and 2006 winner Scarlett Johannson), but we should discuss both Beckinsale's worthiness for the title and the upcoming November Sexiest Man Alive announcement.

VELCRO WINGTIPS? Previously in the game of Humiliation: the screen, the palate, your childhood, the map.

Today, I want to go a little more abstract, but I think you'll get the gist of it: name some ordinary life skill or habit that you should have figured out by now but haven't. For example, I still can't keep my shoelaces tied for prolonged periods of time. It's a problem. For someone else, maybe it's "parallel parking," "how to toast bread properly," "how to set up a new fax machine" (hi, Mom!) or "can't remember that juice and butter belong in a refrigerator."

The key, as always, is that you should believe that your gap is (a) unique and (b) at least somewhat humiliating. We will vote on your most interesting and rare admissions later today.

added: Later today is now. Go vote. If you don't vote, your entry can't win.

FOR HARRY: We have believed, before, in a place called hope (and amended for 2008); a belief that there are better days ahead. We have discussed the promise of the Phillies -- "the idea that we are responsible for our behavior when they lose, but that we also rise or fall as one city." We joined together for the pennant victory and then, finally, champions. W.F.C.

[Thank you, Will Leitch, for recognizing that "Philadelphia fans don't receive nearly enough credit for avoiding the Boston plague, immediately turning into our-shit-don't-stink self-important spoiled brats after winning a long-awaited title. They're pretty much the same miserable fucks they've always been, and you have to salute them for that."]

We have been to the mountaintop, and we know what it takes to get there. It is humbling, and I don't think any Phillies fans believes we have quite enough. Yes, the starting pitching is better on paper, but Cliff Lee and Cole Hamels have not been pitching at peak level for some time, J.A. Happ hasn't been there, and Pedro, dear Pedro, I hope we know how to use you.

Raul is better than Burrell, CHUTLEY!! is CHUTLEY!! ... but ultimately, inevitably, the conversation must turn to the bullpen, where the gap between what we have and what we had so unimaginably wide. I do not know what happened to Brad Lidge between then and now, whether the karmic price for 2008 was his abominable 2009, but between the present Lidge and the absent Park and Romero, there does not exist a Phillies fan who has confidence that a lead established in innings 1-6 can be preserved by this pen for the remainder. And overlaid atop all this is the dread of facing again a Colorado Rockies team which eliminated us so easily two years ago.

These are not the times for florid prose. We know what real victory looks like, and what it takes to get there. It's not about "character" or "destiny" -- it's about having your talented baseball players play better baseball than the other team. Maybe we can. Maybe. But until beaten, we remain W.F.C. For now. Your playoff predictions and hopes are welcome.

JOHNNY, WHEN WERE YOU NERVOUS? New York magazine charts the gregarious raconteur's progress through the year.

WHEREIN I'LL CATCH THE CONSCIENCE OF THE KING:An interesting Top 10 list I hadn't seen before--the Top 10 most produced plays in regional theatres which are members of Theatre Communications Group during the 2008-2009 season (excluding Shakespeare and holiday shows, and actually 14, due to ties):

• Only one musical (25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee)
• The most produced play comes from a playwright I've never heard of, who's never been produced on Broadway. Indeed, only one of the top 4 shows even had a Broadway run,
  
• The only "classics" to make the list are Our Town and Glass Menagerie.
• The revival of Boeing-Boeing has led to a rediscovery of the (very funny) play, with it tying for the last slot on the list.

Anything you'd expect to see on the list but that isn't there? (I would have figured Proof and Rabbit Hole would have had more staying power, but I guess not.)

WELL,WE CERTAINLY KNOW SHE CAN TALK FAST: Because of Maura Tierney's cancer treatment, NBC needs to recast her role on the upcoming Parenthood, and was allegedly desperately pitching the role to Helen Hunt. Now, Hunt is apparently out and reports are Lauren Graham has been offered the part. The original pilot (directed by Tommy Schlamme) was apparently excellent, the cast is solid (Peter Krause, Craig T. Nelson, Bonnie Bedelia, Mae Whitman), and the show's being run by FNL mastermind Jason Katims, and if this casting news holds up, maybe NBC can use it to salvage what's been a dismal fall for it thus far (I'd suggest Wednesdays at 8, replacing Mercy, where competition is largely non-existent, or, in an ideal world, replacing one of the Leno nights).

YOU'VE MADE A HUGE MISTAKE: The polls are closed, the results have been tallied, the dissenters have been disappeared, and the stonemasons and demolition men are getting set to replace the God-hewn face of a pristine mountain with the pop-culture equivalent of three great presidents and Teddy Roosevelt. That's right, the ALOTT5MA commentariat has elected its four favorite television seasons of all time (roughly coinciding with its four favorite television seasons of the last decade), and they are:

Arrested Development, Season 1 (2003-04) (40%). Just a brilliant, messy, self-aware, unhinged season of cascading and compounding jokes, where even the reaction shots got belly laughs. I wonder how it's going to hold up -- it was so unusual for its time, and so unlikely to be repeated, that I suspect that it will lose nothing at all with the passage of time, like, say, Being There (which it parodied in Season 3) or Midnight Run.

Veronica Mars, Season 1 (2004-05) (31%). Wow, this surprised me. I couldn't even get through that first season on DVD. Maybe I'll give it another shot. Wish I could say something, but all I've got is that Kristen Bell seems appealing to a unique combination of young women and geeky men, and that can't account entirely for this showing. Incidentally, if you want to see Bell in a different light, try her two-episode arc in Deadwood.

The West Wing, Season 2 (2000-01) (30%). The President and Josh got shot, some talk show host refused to stand when the President walked into the room, Ainsley Hayes set up camp in the Steam Pipe Trunk Distribution Venue, Josh had PTSD, we flashed back to Bartlet's first campaign, Bartlet decided to run again, Ambassador Robin Colcourt offered his advice, Big Block of Cheese Day convinced CJ that the map was upside-down, and then there was that scene at the Cathedral that everybody except me thought was so spectacular. Interesting factoid: Maddy named this one of her favorite seasons even though she was eight when it aired.

Freaks and Geeks (1999-2000) (27%). Off the top of my head, I can't think of a weak episode of this show. A pioneer of awkward comedy that launched the careers of unknowns Seth Rogen, Jason Segel, James Franco, Busy Phillips, Linda Cardellini, Martin Starr, and Samm Levine, with smaller pre-fame roles for Lizzy Caplan, Joanna Garcia, Kayla Ewell, Samaire Armstrong, and Ben Foster (who apparently annoyed everybody with his method approach), the show knew its characters and delighted in exposing their flaws. I would have given Franco the supporting-actor Emmy for his work in the penultimate episode, when Daniel both needled Ken for who he was dating and later calmed him down about it.

BLUFFIN' WITH HER MUFFIN: I am not at all interested in Lady Gaga, which is not to say I dislike her. Actually, I think that if you're going to do that kind of spacey electronic stuff, you might as well dress up like some nutcase robot stripper. It seems to me that an artist can get lost in, or subverted by, that kind of music, and the antics are a way of countering that. Gaga makes it both easy to ignore her if she's not your cup of tea and easy to remember her if she is.

Still, via a retweet by Simmons today, I can't help thinking I'd be more likely to like pre-Gaga Gaga, a.k.a. Stefani Germanotta. The Janis-meets-Macy alt-R&B may not be my cup of tea, and threatens to dissolve into Spin Doctors jam extranea, but there are hooks, there is interaction with a live band, and there's a hint of the signature loopiness without the oversaturation that defines the Gaga personality.

THERE IS A BEAR IN THE WOODS. FOR SOME PEOPLE THE BEAR IS EASY TO SEE. OTHERS DON'T SEE IT AT ALL. SOME PEOPLE SAY THE BEAR IS TAME. OTHERS SAY IT'S VICIOUS AND DANGEROUS. SINCE NO ONE CAN REALLY BE SURE WHO IS RIGHT, ISN'T IT SMART TO BE AS STRONG AS THE BEAR? IF THERE IS A BEAR: And in a 15-by-15 foot steel and concrete cage outside Kelly Anne Walz's house in Monroe County, PA, there was, indeed, a "pet" 350 pound black bear.

They are indeed soulless, godless, rampaging killing machines. Wikipedia, natch, features an admittedly incomplete list of fatal bear attacks in North America.

TWEET, TWEET: I've already spent all too much time today with Mo Ryan's list of TV celebrities on Twitter, covering everyone from almost all of the cast of Glee to writer Jane Espenson, and now you can, too. Most bizarre thing discovered through this process--courtesy of Aziz Ansari--Larry David + Hannah Montana, in which Curb Your Enthusiasm goes all Disney Channel, and it's a party in the USA.

CAN WE HAVE OUR MONEY NOW? Hey, pop culture (and other product) purveyors! Only two more months for you to send us free stuff before we have disclose it under penalty of a major fine. (As far as I know, the only freebies we've ever been offered were a copy of WKRP Season 1 on DVD and some random screeners of TV Land original programming like The Cougar, but we're more than happy to take bribes, at least for the next two months.)

SHE WILL NOT BE COMFORTED WITH APPLES: Wow. Condé Nast to shut down Gourmet, Cookie, Modern Bride, and Elegant Bride magazines as a result of McKinsey's ongoing analysis of the publisher.

162 + 1: First off, congratulations to the gentleman who posts here as J. Bowman for his start-to-finish win in the second ALOTT5MA rotisserie baseball league. His CalSci Athletics had a plan for our h2h league, focusing on a dominant all-reliever pitching staff which conceded wins but cleaned up weekly in SV/ERA/WHIP, taking down our own Alex Gordon by a 6-2 margin in our two-week finals. Bo and I have been in fantasy leagues together for more than a decade, and his excellence here comes as no surprise. Thanks to everyone who made this a fun season.

We'll talk playoffs soon enough, but first it's a question of hardware. I can't imagine MVP ballots led by players other than Pujols and Mauer. That's just common sense. On the Cy side, I'm flummoxed. Carpenter v. Wainwright v. Lincecum feels like such a close call, and I want to resist giving it to Carpenter over Wainwright based on sheer narrative, though Lincecum's late-season fade may help reduce things to that pair. I've got no answer. On the AL side, I know better than to argue against King Felix given who one of my co-bloggers is, so someone else can make the case for why silly things like "ERA" and "strikeouts" make the case for Zack Greinke. So, yeah, I'm punting on both until someone here persuades me.

Finally, that +1, and I don't have a dog in the hunt between the Tigers and Twins tomorrow. Just someone explain to me the wisdom of this policy, per the AP: "The New York Yankees, holding home-field advantage throughout the postseason, can choose whether they want to start the playoffs against the Twins-Tigers winner on Wednesday or Thursday. The tricky part: The Yankees get one hour after the tiebreaker to announce their decision."

I'M IN THE MOTHERBOARD NOW: When all the teams but one take the same option in a Roadblock, that dissident team can make up a lot of time on The Detour Less Traveled. Or they can completely screw it up in several obvious ways and make clear why the other teams were all wise to take the other option, making clear that Independence in the race (Độc Lập, of course) is overrated.

The real thing to talk about here -- other than whatever we've learned about the teams in this low-strategery, high-execution episode -- is what felt like some pretty lax application of the rules during the roadblock challenge. As I understood the rules, Lance Smash! should not have worked in a challenge that called for surgery, not Gallagher. Once you're done watching this on your VCRs, we can talk.

Fienberg: "I'm at a loss. Were there exciting things in this episode that I missed? Or was it a real dud of a follow-up to an exciting two-part premiere?"

FOUNDATION GARMENTS DON'T WORK FOR EVERYONE: Random thought spurred by my watching of Mad Men Season 1 on DVD (current verdict? The Sterling Cooper material--great, Don and Betty's "ain't suburban existence empty? plotline--nicely done, but been there, done that): We've observed, and quite rightly, that Christina Hendricks is one of those women who looks far better in the period drag than in modern attire (and similar could be said for January Jones), but isn't Alison Brie (who plays Pete's wife) the converse? She's quite deliberately dowdied up for her role as Mrs. Campbell, but is considerably more charming and attractive in her role on Community.

STILL, BETTER THAN SUPER MARIO BROTHERS: I agree with most critics about Zombieland. It's a heckuva a lot of fun, and features some impressive visual stylings, and a spectacular cameo (and seriously, the less you know about the cameo going in, the better--I was about 60% spoiled, knowing who it was and half of the character information). Yes, there's not a whole lot of plot there--four mismatched people try to get from point A to point B while evading zombies. Why are they going there? Well, we're given dirty reasons for 3 of the 4 characters (not sure why Harrelson's character wants to go there). But what surprises me in how little it's been remarked upon, is how, even though it's not based on a video game, the movie owes far more to a pair of video games than anything else (yes, including Shawn of the Dead, its obvious forebear).

First is Left 4 Dead, in which four survivors fight off hordes of "infected" (primarily using guns) as they strike to get to a "Safe zone," climaxing in a big environmental firefight. The movie's structure feels like a L4D "campaign," down to a final firefight in a cool and tricky environment with survivors running out of ammo, and I'd be shocked not to see a mod for the game that's based on the movie. The second is Dead Rising, in which a photojournalist fights off hordes of zombies in a mall using whatever comes to hand--several of the more inventive zombie kills in the movie (Harrelson's improvised weaponry in a grocery store in particular) draw directly from DR, which lets you kill zombies with garden shears, plates, baseball bats, and anything else you can imagine. If you enjoy the movie, check out the games--they're good fun.

HONG KONG PHOOEY: Other than being a tiny bit sloppy with travel times - LA - Utah - Stakeout - Firefight - Arson - Investigation - Home for Supper - and things seem to be recovering a bit too easily from the event itself, but another fine episode of Flash Forward for my money. A few spoilerific thoughts in the thread.

"Sexual Favor Fail" by Sarah Schneider on CollegeHumor

NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF GILBERT LOWE WERE STILL IN CHARGE OF THE GREEK COUNCIL: Sexual Favor FAIL. [HT: @OWillis.]

[I'm trying to find a way to tie this to the whole Tufts Sexile issue and failing; we tossed it around at ALOTT5MA HQ for an afternoon earlier this week, with much discussion not only of the importance of enforceable background rules to minimize transaction costs but also the less-discussed 72-hour waiting period on overnight stays (p38, PDF). If there's interest, we can still get into all that.]

BUDDY MAKE A BIG NOISE IN YOUR LIVING ROOM: Soon, you'll be able to get fully in touch with your inner Freddie Mercury, Jeffster!, or McKinley High School Glee Club member, with a 10-pack of Queen coming to Rock Band as downloadable content. No "We Will Rock You/We Are The Champions," but the idea of "playing" the riff for "Under Pressure" alone makes this a good time.

HOW I MET THIS GIRL NAMED SUMMER: Michael Ausiello is reporting that we may have casting of the other title role on How I Met Your Mother in the form of Rachel Bilson, who'll appear in the series' 100th episode in a role that they've hinted might well be Mrs. Ted. Perhaps even more exciting is that the episode will also feature "an enormous musical number that we’re going to spend way too much of Twentieth Television’s money on" headlined by NPH.

SOMEWHERE IN THE THIRD WORLD NEXT WEEK A LARGE SHIPMENT OF CHICAGO 2016 T-SHIRTS WILL BE ARRIVING: We're still waiting for the final vote to see if it's Rio or Madrid in 2016, but in a stunning upset the IOC decided Chicago was not their kind of town to host the Olympic Games. Apparently that John Malkovich and Dennis Franz sketch held a lot of sway.

Update: Her name is Rio and she is going to host the 2016 Olympics. Required viewing this weekend, City of God.

YOU'RE NOT A LOSER 'CAUSE YOU HAVE SEX, BUT IF YOU WEREN'T HAVING SEX, WE COULD DEFINITELY DEBATE THE ISSUE: We've done this before, but since it came up in the Sepinwall-Simmons podcast yesterday, and since we now have Doodle to do the heavy lifting ("we can rebuild him -- we have the technology"), let's settle this once and for all now. If you were to pick your four favorite seasons of television -- your Mount Rushmore of television seasons, to use ESPN's annoying phrase -- what would they be? I'll put what appear to be the contenders into a Doodle poll and we'll hash this out, wisdom-of-crowds style.

Mine, in no particular order: Deadwood, Season 2; Freaks & Geeks; Arrested Development Season 1; Friday Night Lights, Season 1.

Update: The poll is live. I just put everything that was mentioned more than twice into the poll. Vote here, vote early, and vote often, where often is less than or equal to four seldom.

Annoying Update: Only four votes per person. If you vote for more than four things, I will delete your entry. If you get deleted, feel free to go back and vote for only four. Tara and Abby G, try again. Your Mount Rushmores had too many presidents.

Thoroughly annoying update: I accidentally typed "Office S2" as "Office S1." If you already voted and you want me to change something to "Office S2," let me know in the comments.

BRAAAIIIINNNNSSS! It's a big weekend at the multiplex yet again, and we ask, "what's getting your entertainment dollar this weekend?" New options include:

• A 3 hour double feature of Toy Story and Toy Story 2 (one of those sequels that arguably exceeds the original), remastered into 3-D for a limited two-week engagement.
  
• The Invention of Lying, a star-studded Ricky Gervais comedy about a world in which only one man has figured out how to lie.
• Whip It, in which Ellen Page makes sardonic remarks on roller skates under the direction of her co-star, Drew Barrymore, and with a pretty impressive supporting cast--Kristen Wiig, Marcia Gay Harden, Daniel Stern.
• Joe Schmo creators Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick's Zombieland, with a ragtag group of folks killing zombies in a quest for safety, and the continuing quest to break Emma Stone as a star (and apparently, a very funny and surprising star cameo).

In addition, there's Michael Moore's newest polemic going wide, A Serious Man, the new Coen film, in limited release, and More Than A Game, a doc about LeBron James' high school career, in NY/LA/OH. For me, it's Zombieland and Invention of Lying as top priorities, with Whip It a possibility, particularly next weekend.

THE LISA STANSFIELD SPECIAL: Results for Humiliation IV are in, and congratulations to Ella (and Jim S) for having somehow avoided McDonald's your entire lives. Starbucks (Andrea J) and A College Class (Maddy) trailed closely behind, followed by Anywhere West of the Mississippi River (Tosy and Cosh) and A Voting Booth (Jordan). More of us have been to a strip club (including Mrs. Cosmo, but not Mr. Cosmo) than to prison; to Vegas than to the Pacific Northwest or a synagogue; more to Chicago than Boston.

Russ achieved this week's only perfect score, with KR, gretchen, myself, Heather P. Scott and Tracy trailing closely behind. (Had there been more overseas locations, I'd have been screwed.) Among those needing to get around a bit more are erin, Lauren, D'Arcy, MP, Sara C, bill_, Alex's son Charlie (but he's got time) and Billiam. Average was 26.14 out of 34 locations, median of 27.

"MY RESPONSE TO THAT IS YES, I HAVE": I really don't know what to say about this breaking story on the attempted extortion of David Letterman, but as the facts come in I imagine we'll want to discuss.

added: Here's video of what Letterman said on the show last night, and here's a transcript. At the end, and yeah, the applause/laughter was uncomfortable:

Now of course, we get to, what was it? What was all the creepy stuff (laughter) that he was gonna put into the screenplay and the movie? And the creepy stuff was, that I have had sex with women who work for me on this show. Now. My response to that is, yes I have. (laughter/applause) I have had sex with women who work on this show. (more applause) And would it be embarrassing if it were made public? Perhaps it would. Perhaps it would. (laughter) Especially for the women. (laughter/applause) But that’s a decision for them to make if they want to come public and talk about the relationships. If I want to talk about the relationships. But what you don’t want is a guy saying, oh, I know you had sex with women so I would like $2 million or I’m going to make trouble for you. So that’s where we stand right now.

I just want to thank the people at the Special Prosecution Bureau and the Manhattan District Attorney’s Office, Robert Morgenthau, who is head of that. It’s been a very bizarre experience. I feel like I need to protect these people. I need to certainly protect my family. I need to protect myself – hope to protect my job – and the friends, everybody that has been very supportive through this. And I don’t plan to say much more about this on this particular topic. So, thank you for letting me bend your ears. (applause) Now. I know what you’re saying. ‘I’ll be darned, Dave’s had sex!’ (laughter) That’s what the grand jury said also. (laughter) Really? You’ve had sex? Alright, now what do we do? I guess we do a thing. Thank you again for your patience. We’ll be right back…

WORLDS COLLIDING: Congratulations to our friend Alan Sepinwall, who appears on today's B.S. Report. Or is congratulations the right word? I guess it's weird to congratulate someone for appearing on a podcast. Then again, I think of the B.S. Report as the only big-deal podcast out there. Then again again, I'm pretty sure that Sagarin ranks Alan as the most influential TV critic in America, based upon a complex computer algorithm that takes into account, among other things, "number of times name-checked by Chris Fedak" and "how often linked to by TVTattle.com." So maybe "congratulations" isn't right; it's more like "how strangely pleasant to find this person who I know in one context appearing in another."

If this post isn't weird enough yet, I'll just close, as Alan reminds me I should, with the poetry of Ronald Jenkees:

it might be cool
i dont know
and if its not i dont care
bill simmons works for espn
hes also named
the sports guy
he writes a chronicle
sports column
he must be a popular dude
and what i want to know is
how do you like your blueeyed boy
mr. death

GOOD CHABLIS SHOULD ALWAYS HAVE A LITTLE BITE: So much good stuff in last night's Glee. This was easily the best episode since the Pilot and this despite Jane Lynch only having a single scene. ALOTT5MA favorite Kristin Chenoweth stepped in and did the heavy lifting as former McKinley glee club star April Rhodes, who thanks to being three credits shy of her diploma is able to join New Directions and teach the kids some valuable lessons both on and off the stage. What made the episode great and remains the show's strongest feature were the musical numbers, not the least of which was the much anticipated "Somebody to Love" finale with Mercedes actually blowing Finn and Rachel away at the end. Chenoweth herself had three big numbers, a great diva showdown with Rachel on "Maybe This Time" from Cabaret, which literally brought Kurt to tears, a boozy karaoke take on Heart's "Alone" (as an aside, I have a weak spot for cheesy late 80s Heart ballads, especially "These Dreams," but I digress), and a campy crantini-enhanced version of Carrie Underwood's "Last Name." In between the big numbers (my wife and I must of rewound the Tivo a dozen times to watch "Somebody to Love"), there were so many great one-liners ("...and two weeks later Versace was dead") to keep the momentum going. With Chenoweth grabbing the spotlight, there wasn't a lot of room for the regulars, but we got a lot of insight into Finn as he struggles with the whole Quinn vs. Rachel dilemma. And what the episode lacked in terms of Lynch nastiness was tempered by some hilarious and disturbing Sandy Ryerson outbursts (I'm not sure if Lima, Ohio, is ready for his take on "Equus.")

RESURRECTION OF THE RETURN OF THE OCCASIONAL FAUX NEWSQUIZ: Anne Marciano, quoted on Philly.com today:

"I've never been a fan of numbers, but I'll give it a try."

Give what a try, gang? As before, your best and funniest (and least accurate) responses are welcome.

PUT A STICKY SMILE ON OUR FACES: Mad Men, Sesame-style. [Related, and far more disturbing: Bert & Ernie, Japanese live-action grown-up style. HT: PopWatch.]

HEAD GAMES: If Tim Tebow really wants to be a role model, Slate's Josh Levin convincingly argues that he ought to sit out next week's game until he's fully recovered from his concussion.

[Our previous coverage of developments in football/concussion research is here; full NYT coverage here, including news on a study released this week claiming that "Alzheimer’s disease or similar memory-related diseases appear to have been diagnosed in the league’s former players vastly more often than in the national population — including a rate of 19 times the normal rate for men ages 30 through 49."]

WAS NEW ORLEANS REALLY THE RIGHT CITY IN WHICH TO TROT OUT THE BAN ON SIMULATED CHOREOMASTURBATION? Two quick thoughts on SYTYCD:

• If an audition episode is dragging a little, maybe seeming a little too familiar, New Orleans is the perfect city in which to imagine that all of the dancers are either disguised demons from Hell or ass-kicking angels sent down to protect Cat Deeley. Really, get a look at some of these kids. Scary.
• "Boom Boom Pow" is to dance auditions what "Hallelujah" is to montages.