- Self-taught
- Acquired instrument by means other than purchase or gift
- Instrument need not be traditional musical instrument and may occasionally be means of conveyance, storage enclosure, or prosthetic device
- Pee smell
- Will not take gratuities in food
- Visible butt-crack
- Set list includes no greater than two songs plus shouted profanity
- Weeping
- Deafening
- Seeks eye contact