Wednesday, June 8, 2011

YOU JUST MADE ME PICTURE DOUG COLLINS RUNNING DOWN A BEACH IN SHORT SHORTS ALONGSIDE ELTON BRAND. I WILL NOW GO LIGHT MYSELF ON FIRE:  We had waited long enough for Simmons's latest project, and today it arrived -- the first reader mailbag column by "Phil Simmons," the Philly Sports Guy, and if you're into pitch-perfect parody like "How is the current Phillies team like the characters on Lost," well ....
Placido Polanco- Sayid: Never got the same amount of attention as Jack, Saywer and Locke, but was the backbone of the series. Forming a faction on the island? You want Sayid. Need someone to solve a problem with lives on the line? You send Sayid to do it. In the rare instances where he was injured, he’d walk it off, and he seemed to be the most dependable castaway, always doing the right thing.
If you hear my voice in more than one question there, well, you know my ongoing concerns.

Also, Grantland debuted today.

16 comments:

  1. Carmichael Harold9:57 AM

    I love that parody mailbag column.  The Ben Francisco one at the end made me choke on my cereal this morning. 

    The Grantland premiere was kind of anticlimactic.  Nothing blew my mind, and only the HBO Recycling article was particularly poor.

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  2. He tweeted more along the lines of the Ben Francisco thereafter including "The Gload" and "The Utley," the latter of which involves an injury halfway through.

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  3. Nothing the first day on Grantland blew me away.  But this, today, by Chuck, damn...talk about eye-opening.  I've always struggled with my love/hate relationship with sports and my DVR, and this absolutely nails it.   I'm not sure it's going to change my sport-watching decisions (live or DVR), but it definitely will make me more aware of what the trade-offs are.  Best line, when talking about the importance of commericals to create drama:

    "I should probably just sit through every commercial and let the tension build. But I'll never do that, because that would make me an idiot.

    http://www.grantland.com/story/_/id/6626431/space-time-dvr-mechanics

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  4. Carmichael Harold12:18 PM

    Thanks, Adam. I'll now spend my afternoon trying to come up with "The McNabb," which will almost certainly have to involve S&M and mother issues.

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  5. The McNabb means you have to quietly gripe when your partner isn't up to your standards and you may vomit before the end. All in all, though, it can be satisfying for a long time.

    The Avant is one of the most reliable, yet infrequently used strategies.

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  6. Carmichael Harold1:26 PM

    You forgot the part about the McNabb where the people watching on the webcam keep yelling that you're doing it wrong.

    The Antone Davis involves ineffectively spending the whole time on your back.

    The DeSean Jackson is very similar to the Herman Edwards (which is like the Chuck Bednarik without the violence).

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  7. Tosy and Cosh1:31 PM

    I am much more excited about the prospect of lots of Klosterman than anything else. Hoping he moves off sports soon.

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  8. Benner2:07 PM

    The Mike Schmidt:  a lot of hard pounding but you still get criticized for lack of effort. 

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  9. The Iverson: maximum effort, with exertion demonstrated on your face all the time, and then afterwards you go to TGI Fridays.

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  10. D'Arcy4:17 PM

    I am excited about Grantland only because when I followed the link, I discovered that one of the contributors is a high school classmate of mine, who I may or may not have propositioned in physics class.

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  11. D'Arcy4:18 PM

    He's a writer now and I'm a French teacher - clearly the physics class was useful to us both.

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  12. Benner4:28 PM

    The Ron Hextall:  makes you work for it but ultimately gives up the 5-hole.

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  13. Still up for grabs:

    The Mamula
    The Eaton
    The Stackhouse

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  14. Carmichael Harold5:30 PM

    The Mamula: looks fantastic before it starts, but comes up disappointingly short when it matters.  Also, you could have had the Sapp instead.

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  15. Adam C.6:18 PM

    Adding, for The Iverson:  it's all game action and you never have to practice.  

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  16. The Abreu: it's pretty efficient from a technical perspective, but ultimately not that satisfying -- though you never have to worry about bumping into walls.

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