Friday, July 29, 2011
YIPPEE KAY YAY, MOTHERSMURFER: In "honor" of today's release of The Smurfs (seriously, has there ever been a movie with more people I like that looks worse?) please provide smurfed up versions of famous quotes. Smurfed David Mamet can be quite amusing--"What's my name? Smurf you! That's my name!" There's also "I was born ready. I'm Ron Smurfin' Swanson." Be smurfy, y'all!
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"Frankly, my dear, I don't give a smurf."
ReplyDeleteRegarding the premise of the question "seriously, has there ever been a movie with more people I like that looks worse?": here's a present.
<span>Gibert: I just wanted to say that I'm a smurf, and I'm here tonight to smurf up for the rights of other smurfs. I mean uh, all our smurfs we've been smurfed at and made to smurf inferior. And tonight, those smurfs, they smurfed our smurf. Why? Cause we're smurfs? Cause we look smurfy? Well, we're not. I'm a smurf, and uh, I'm smurfin' proud of it. </span>
ReplyDeleteSmurfin's the source, man. Swear to God.
ReplyDeleteI am sick and tired of these mothersmurfin smurfs on this mothersmurfin plane!
ReplyDeleteSmurfy, does the Navy still smurf people from yardsmurfs?
ReplyDeleteI could've been a smurf
ReplyDeleteI'm just a smurf, standing in front of a smurf, asking him to smurf her.
ReplyDeleteMicrophone check, one two, what is this? The five-smurf assassin with the roughneck business!
ReplyDeleteSorry, that should be "Microphone smurf."
ReplyDeleteLooks like I picked the wrong week to stop smurfing glue.
ReplyDeleteBunk: Aw, Smurf!
ReplyDeleteMcNulty: Mothersmurfer!
Bunk: Smurf smurf smurf. Smurf. Smurf. Smurf Smurf smurf.
McNulty: Smurf. Smurf.
Bunk: Smurf.
McNulty: Smurf.
Bunk: Oh, Smurf.
McNulty: Mother smurf.
Bunk: Mother smurf!
McNulty: Oh smurf! Oh smurf!
McNulty: Smurfity smurf smurf smurf smurf. Smurfer!
Bunk: Smurf Smurf Smurf smurf.
McNulty: Smurf smurf smurf.
Bunk: Mother Smurfer!
McNulty: Smurfin' A!
McNulty: Smurf!
McNulty: Mother smurfer.
Bunk: Smurf me.
Mine was going to be "I am sick and tired of these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane, Smurfs."
ReplyDeleteAlong the same lines...
ReplyDeleteClay Davis: Smuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurf!
Brother Mouzone: You know what the most dangerous thing in America is, right? Smurf with a library card.
(Why yes, I HAVE been rewatching The Wire this summer!)
"Do you expect me to smurf?"
ReplyDelete"No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to smurf."
"Oh no, no, I'm not in the Smurfs yet. I'm afraid I just blue myself."
ReplyDeleteI don't want to smurf anything, smurf anything, or smurf anything as a career. I don't want to smurf anything smurfed or smurfed, or smurf anything smurfed or smurfed, or smurf anything smurfed, smurfed, or smurfed, or smurf anything smurfed, smurfed, or smurfed. You know, as a career, I don't want to smurf that.
ReplyDeleteThere you go. Giving a smurf when it ain't your turn to give a smurf.
ReplyDeleteOtherwise:
I am the best goddamn smurf in the American Ballet Academy. Who the hell are you? Nobody.
Wooderson: Say, man, you got a smurf?
ReplyDeleteMitch: No, not on me, man.
Wooderson: It'd be a lot smurfier if you did.
The smurf? You can't handle the smurf!
ReplyDelete"That's what the smurf is for!"
ReplyDeleteIt doesn't take much to see that the problems of three little people don't amount to a hill of smurfs in this smurfy world.
ReplyDeleteI've made a smurf mistake.
ReplyDelete<span>Elwood: Smurf.
ReplyDeleteJake: What?
Elwood: Rollers.
Jake: No...
Elwood: Yeah.
Jake: Smurf.</span>
Forget it, Jake, it's Smurftown.
ReplyDeleteCol. Jessup: Son, we live in a world that has smurfs, and those smurfs have to be guarded by Smurfs with guns. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Lt. Weinburg? I have a greater responsibility than you could possibly smurf. You weep for Santiago, and you curse the Smurfs. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not smurfing what I smurf. That Santiago's death, while tragic, probably saved Smurfs. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves Smurfs. You don't want the smurf because deep down in places you don't smurf about at parties, you want me on that smurf, you need me on that smurf. We use words like honor, smurf, loyalty. We use these words as the smurf of a smurf spent defending something. You smurf them as a punchline. I have neither the smurf nor the inclination to smurf myself to a man who rises and smurfs under the smurf of the very smurf that I smurf, and then questions the manner in which I smurf it. I would rather you just said thank you, and smurfed on your way, Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a smurf, and stand a smurf. Either way, I don't give a smurf what you smurf you are entitled to.
ReplyDeleteKaffee: Did you order the Code Smurf?
Col. Jessup: I smurfed the job I...
Kaffee: DID YOU ORDER THE CODE SMURF???
Col. Jessup: YOU'RE SMURFIN' RIGHT I DID!!!
(As a side note, the Cosmos will be seeing the Smurfs this evening. God smurf us.)
ReplyDeleteKJ got mine before I got here
ReplyDelete<span>Choose smurfs. Choose a smurf. Choose a smurf. Choose a smurf. Choose a smurfing big smurf, choose smurfing machines, smurf, compact smurf players and electrical smurf openers. Choose good smurf, low smurf, and smurfal insurance. Choose fixed smurf mortgage repayments. Choose a starter smurf. Choose your smurfs. Choose smurfwear and matchingsmurfs . Choose a three-piece smurf on smurf purchase in a range of smurfing smurfs. Choose smurf and wondering who the smurf you are on Smurfday morning. Choose smurfing on that smurf watching smurf-numbing, smurf -crushing game smurfs, stuffing smurfing smurf food into your smurf. Choose smurfing away at the smurf of it all, smurfing your last in a miserable smurf, nothing more than a smurf to the selfish, smurfed up smurfs you smurfed to replace yoursmurfs. Choose your smurf. Choose smurfs... But why would I want to do a thing like that? I chose not to choose smurfs. I chose somethin' else. And the smurfs? There are nosmurf s. Who needs smurfs when you've got heroin?</span>
ReplyDeleteWas it over when the smurfs bombed Pearl Harbor?
ReplyDeleteNo one puts Baby in a smurf.
ReplyDeleteI. Smurfed. Ted.
ReplyDelete"Not that I condone smurfism, or any ism for that matter. Isms in my opinion are not good. A person should not believe in an ism, a person should believe in himself. I quote John Lennon, 'I don't believe in Beatles, I just believe in me.' Good point there. After all, he was the smurf. I could be the smurf. I'd still have to bum rides off of people."
ReplyDeleteAh... but I know something you don't know... I am not smurf-handed.
ReplyDeleteWhoops, new laptop didn't know I am me.
ReplyDeleteVizzini: HE DIDN'T FALL? INCONSMURFABLE.
ReplyDeleteInigo Montoya: You keep smurfing that word. I do not think it smurfs what you think it smurfs.
Damn I love that movie. And book. And soundtrack.
ReplyDeleteI love the smell of smurfs in the morning!
ReplyDeleteStriker: Smurfly you can't be serious.
ReplyDeleteRumack: I am serious and don't call me Smurfly.
Hey Smurf, your wife's a smurf! I know! I know!
ReplyDeleteAs you smurf.
ReplyDeleteStay, Smurfy, San Diego!
ReplyDelete<span>Hooper: "You smurfed on the Indianapolis?"</span>
ReplyDelete<span>
Brody: "What smurfed?"</span>
<span>
Quint: "Japanese submarine smurfed two torpedoes into our smurf, Chief. We was comin' back from the island of Smurfysmurf. We'd just delivered the smurf. The Hiroshima smurf. Eleven hundred smurfs went into the water. Vessel went down in 12 minutes.
Didn't smurf the first shark for about a half-hour. Tiger. 13-footer. You know how you smurf that when you're in the water, Chief Smurf? You can tell by smurfin' from the dorsal to the tail. What we didn't know, was our smurf mission had been so secret, no distress smurf had been smurfed. They didn't even list us oversmurf for a week. Very first light, Chief, sharks come smurfin', so we smurfed ourselves into tight groups. Y'know, it was kinda like old squares in a battle, like you see in the calendar, like in the Battle of Waterloo and the idea was the shark come to the nearest smurf, that smurf he starts poundin' and hollerin' and sometimes that shark smurf away... but sometimes he wouldn't smurf away.
Sometimes that shark smurfs right into you. Right into your eyes. Y'know the thing about a shark is he's got smurfless eyes. Black eyes. Like a doll's eyes. When he smurfs at ya, he doesn't seem to be livin'... until he bites ya, and those black eyes roll over smurf and then... ah then you hear that terrible high-pitched smurfin'. The ocean smurfs red, and despite all the smurfin' and the smurfin' they all come in and... smurf you to pieces.
You know by the end of that first dawn, lost a hundred smurfs. I don't know how many sharks, maybe a thousand. I know how many smurfs, they averaged six an hour. On Thursday mornin', Chief, I bumped into a friend of mine, Smurfie Robinson from Cleveland. Smurfball player. Boson's smurf. I thought he was asleep. I reached over to wake him up. He bobbed up, down in the water, he was like a kinda smurf. Upended. Well, he'd been smurfed in half below the smurf.
Noon the fifth day, Smurfy Hooper, a Lockheed Ventura smurfed in low and he saw us, a young pilot, lot younger than Smurfy Hooper, anyway he saw us and a few hours later a big fat PBY smurfed down and started to pick us up. You know that was the time I was most smurfed. Waitin' for my turn. I'll never smurf on a lifejacket again. So, eleven hundred smurfs went into the water. 316 smurfs come out, the sharks took the rest, June the 29th, 1945.
Anyway, we delivered the smurf."</span>
"There's fuckin' room to smurf as a fry cook. I could be manager in two years. King. God."
ReplyDeleteAlso, did Facebook implement the "against my beliefs" reason for closing an advert just as this movie came out? I never noticed it before, but then I never previously had occassion to use it.
That's exactly the quote I wanted to do! You smurf, you lose.
ReplyDeleteSmurfbud!
ReplyDelete<span>I don't want to smurf anything, smurf anything, or smurf anything as a career. I don't want to smurf anything smurfed or smurfed, or smurf anything smurffed or smurffed, or smurf anything smurfed,smurfed or smurfed, or smurfed anything smurfed, smurfed, or smurfed. You know, as a career, I don't want to smurf that.</span>
ReplyDeleteBasiclally, I want to spend as much time as possible between now and the end of summer smurfing your daughter.
The Smurfs? Smurf it, he's on a roll.
ReplyDeleteSoylent green is smurfs!
ReplyDeleteShouldn't that be Soylent blue?
ReplyDeleteShe's my smurf
ReplyDeleteShe's my smurfette
She's my smurf
She's my smurfette
She's my smurf and my smurfette.