Thursday, May 9, 2013

U OF C SCAV HUNT 2013: It's on, including:
CJ, Sam, and Josh may be the masters of the walk-and-talk, but surely you can do better. At 11:00 a.m. on Thursday, Chief of Staff Leo McScavvy will be walking briskly down the hallway in Cobb. When your team name is called, you should be ready to give of one minute of your best Sorkin banter regarding any pressing Scav issue of the day. You’d better look the part, and interrupting your fellow staffers is bad form. [6 points] 
Hello—is it me you’re looking for? Send your most sensitive sculptor and your most statuesque team member to room 028 in the Logan Center for the Arts at 2:00 p.m. on Friday. [Up to 25 points]
Welcome to the UC, bitch! You know, for a campus full of misunderstood hotties angsting out over the pitfalls of wealth and popularity, it’s surprising we’ve never had a teen soap set here. Until now! Create the opening credits sequence of the show in the style of an iconic high school melodrama of your choice. [7 points] 
A team member who was born in a country that no longer exists, with documentation. [10 points] 
Find a wild Toynbee tile. [17 points] [Ed. note: there's one ten feet from my door.] 
A Cosby sweater. No, not a Cosby-esque sweater: knit Bill Cosby’s face into a sweater. [14 zip-zopzoobity-bop points] 
A painting by a non-human artist. [Up to 30 points. Points based on artistry and genetic distance from human. Orangutans are better than elephants. Elephants are better than frogs. Frogs are better than squids] 
In his famous essay “Consider the Lobster”, David Foster Wallace investigates lobsters’ capacity to feel pain, but surely the pain of being boiled alive is only secondary to the many indignities of modern life. To that end, prove that lobsters really do feel pain by subjecting a live lobster to: heartbreak, work-related stress, existential dread, civil rights inequality, and sexual objectification. [11 points] 
The Official Scripps Spelling Bee Pronouncer defining and using in a sentence a term from the Urban Dictionary. [5 points] 
What is east of Oberlin College, west of Denison University, southeast of Yale, and southwest of Harvard? [4 points]


  1. I'm arguably worth 16 points (item 129), but am otherwise engaged this weekend.

  2. bad dad4:59 PM

    bad link

  3. Adam B.5:03 PM


  4. The Pathetic Earthling6:15 PM

    I assume 16, not 18 points by this stage...

  5. Depends on how you measure it. There's money in my IRA that stems from that income, and I have the prop check framed.

  6. Anonymous11:43 PM

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  7. lisased10:38 AM

    Someday, I will witness this in person. Also? This blows my Friday.

  8. Andrew10:46 AM

    The internet, nay the world, truly does need "A two minute video explaining 2012’s fiscal cliff negotiations, with narration and images in the style of Teen Girl Squad."

  9. Heather K11:51 AM

    I would strongly recommend the vultures at Lincoln Park zoo for waving. They get threatened and flap their wings at you in a way that can be a very menacing wave.

    The primates would be your other best bet, but they are not super cooperative, unless the geriatric chimp troop is out. They were all or mostly all once chimps that had lives where they were more like pets than wild animals. One of the females loves to check out your shoes. She was a mall chimp.

    Why yes I am Lincoln Park Zoo volunteer, how could you tell?

  10. Marsha2:39 PM

    I'm sorry - a MALL chimp?!?